My wife has asked me to tell my father to stop showing up at our house unannounced. As she put it, “Pass your message across so he understands that he is allowed to visit, but he should try to call before coming over. And he should stop trying to give instructions whenever he comes around.”

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Whatever I say to my father, I have to make sure I don’t ruin the healthy relationship between him and my wife. I want them to continue getting along, but I also need my wife to be comfortable in her own home.

I live and work abroad, so I have little to no idea what exactly has been happening. But this is the situation. We have a two-year-old, and my wife is still nursing a baby. Sometimes, the baby doesn’t sleep at night, and the only time my wife gets to sleep later in the day is when she can find a little time for herself while the baby sleeps.

According to my wife, that is usually when my father shows up unannounced. Before he even gets into the house, he is already making noise, waking almost everyone up. This has become a regular occurrence, and it is beginning to affect her.

My wife needs her sleep. She is already dealing with sleepless nights and the demands of caring for two young children, so the last thing she needs is someone showing up unannounced and disturbing the little rest she gets.

I understand that my father may not see anything wrong with what he is doing. He may simply feel comfortable enough to visit his son’s house whenever he wants. But my wife is the one dealing with the situation, and I cannot ignore how it is affecting her.

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I want a happy wife and a happy dad, but how do I explain this to my father without making him feel unwelcome or causing him to think badly of my wife? I don’t want him to feel like she is turning me against him. At the same time, I don’t want my wife to feel like I am not standing up for her when she needs me to.

How do I handle this situation without creating a problem between the two people I love?

— Ben

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