
My elder sister was a kind person, but love didn’t treat her kindly. Even before she had her first child and the man responsible denied the pregnancy, she had been in a series of relationships we all knew were going somewhere but came down mid-flight. I loved her so much because, at some point in our lives, she became my mother. She took care of my needs when I was in school and life was good for her. The age difference between us is five years.
The man who got her pregnant was called Dabo. We all knew about their relationship, and at some point, this man came home to discuss marriage with our parents. A few months later, Mavis got pregnant, and this guy swore heaven and earth that my sister had cheated and was bringing another man’s child to him.
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Before my sister could deliver, Dabo disappeared. We later learned he stowed away to Gambia. We didn’t hear from him again. My sister did everything to involve Dabo’s family in the child’s life. They also denied the child because their son didn’t accept responsibility. It was during those moments that I got a job and left home.
Three years later, Mavis got pregnant again. Everything about this pregnancy was déjà vu of the first. The man denied it and even attached curses to it. He was a married man who wanted to do everything to save his marriage. My sister confided in me while crying. “I swear I didn’t know he was married. Do you think I’m this wicked to go after another woman’s husband?”
She had a girl and even named the girl after me. During those moments, she had lost her job and life was going sideways. I told her to give up on love and concentrate on raising the two kids. She would call for money, and I would send the little that I had.
When the second child was only two years old, my mom gossiped to me that my sister had started seeing another man. I called her and asked about it. She said this one was different. I said, “They were all different until they set your heart ablaze.” She laughed and then told me this one had promised her marriage and everything looked good. I said, “Please don’t get pregnant before that marriage happens.”
A few months later, my mom called, “Your sister is pregnant again. Has she told you?”
Immediately, my heart started beating faster. I called her, and she angrily told me, “I’m pregnant again, and so what? Should I fry it and serve it to you on a plate?”
She then cut the call on me. That was the last time the two of us talked. We were only two siblings.
Every piece of information I had about her, it was my mom who told me. How she was struggling health-wise and how the pregnancy was eating her flesh and turning her dark and skinny.
I woke up one dawn with eleven missed calls from my mom. I called back, and what greeted me on the phone was the sound of tears from my mom. “Mavis is gone. She’s gone for good. She has left the world for you.”
I started crying even before I could say a word. Mavis went into labour, was rushed to the hospital, and she didn’t come back again. The child also didn’t survive. I should have mellowed after losing my sister, but the anger got intense. I said, “Mavis, I’ll never forgive you for this. You only had to listen to me, and you would be alive.”
I went home to plan the funeral of a sister who should have been here with me. I looked at her two kids, very feeble and lost, and told myself, “Where do these two go from here?”
Immediately after that question, a voice in my head answered, “You! They are your responsibility now.” I shivered. I banished the thought, but the truth is the truth no matter how long you banish it from your head. After the funeral, when silence returned to our lives again, my mom asked me, “What do we do with these two?” I answered, “They have fathers. Let’s look for them.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere we can find them.”
I told my mom I would do everything to find them and force them to accept responsibility, even if we had to go to court.
It was much ado about nothing. I fought for over two years. I didn’t make any inroads. The married man even told me it’s because of his curses that my sister died, so if I tried, he would add me to the next train of curses.
The day my mom’s health failed and these two had to be transferred to me, I cried. “Mavis, wherever you are, I pray you suffer for this sin,” I told myself while looking into the skies. “I’ll never forgive you for doing this to me and these two kids you left behind.”
I took these kids with me, and my own relationship started to suffer. A relationship I’d taken four years to build. It was going somewhere. We had a written-down plan to be married the following year. Alfred asked me about the plans I had for these kids, and I answered, “I don’t know. Maybe once my mom gets better, they’ll go back.”
“And when your mom is no more, what happens?”
I stared blankly at his face with no worthy answer to give. I asked, “Are you trying to kill my mom before her time?” He answered, “It’s an urgent question. I need an answer.”
My relationship started going off and on at that point. I don’t blame him. If I were in his shoes, I might have done the same. If he wanted to start life with two kids, he might have dated a single mom. He dated me because I was all that and more, and all of a sudden, I have two kids who’ll follow me into my marriage.
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
Currently, I don’t push it. What should be should be, but Mavis, wherever you are, I know you’re not happy, and you deserve it. You should have listened to me. You should have cut down on love before it slew you. Now look at me, suffering the result of a sin I never committed.
Don’t get me wrong, I love these kids like they are my own. I’ll do anything for them. It’s not their fault, not at all. That’s why I don’t mind losing this relationship. The man who comes along, if this one finally fades, I’ll make him understand. I’ll tell him he wouldn’t have to take care of them. I will work hard and have money to take care of their every need. All the next man will have to do is love me.
—Lawrencia
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I understand the pain you feel and all that you are going through. Just know that it just hard as it starts. As we normalise with it it becomes easy to handle. If a man comes your way. Never delay in talking about these kids.
At the end of the day these kids might be your grace.
Just know that life happens and it will keep happening