I am in my early twenties, and I have been out of school for less than a year. I am still looking for a job, and in the meantime, I am at home helping out where I can. But today, this is not really about my joblessness. It is about my love life.

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I have dated a few times, and honestly, it has never bothered me whether a man has money or not. I am big on character. However, I hear my friends talk about the things their partners buy for them, and although I don’t get jealous or compare myself to them, I sometimes wish I could be that lucky too.

I understand that everyone’s circumstances are different. When I ask my parents for something, I know they will give it to me if they can afford it. But if they don’t have the money, I know I am on my own. Because of this, I have been saving towards starting my own business. One day, I want to be able to take care of my siblings and parents without having to depend on anyone.

When it comes to relationships, I know they are not all about material things. However, lately, I have been thinking about my life and how I have never really been spoiled by a man.

I have never received a surprise gift of GH₵100 in my life. I am not the type to ask my man for money, and whenever I know he is coming over, I use my own money to buy food so I can cook for us. When I am with someone, I also make an effort to buy them gifts because that is one of the ways I express love.

I hear stories about men going out of their way to provide for their women and make them feel special, but my experience has always been different.

There is this 30-year-old man I am talking to who seems to have a good character. He often talks about wanting a virtuous woman, and when we first started talking, everything seemed good.

I can count up to three different occasions when he called me to explain that he had an emergency and needed a certain amount of money as a loan. I gave him the money each time, but he has never paid me back. I didn’t mind too much because the amounts were not much.

He once promised to get me an item that cost GH₵70. Six months later, he still hadn’t bought it, so I had to ask him about it myself. He complained about how difficult the country’s economy was and how hard it was on his pocket to take care of himself and his family.

It was just GH₵70, and the thing is, I never asked or begged him to buy it for me. He was the one who made the promise, so I don’t understand why I had to remind him about it six months later.

I have never received any special gifts from him on special occasions, whether on my birthday, Valentine’s Day, or just a random day when he wants to make me feel special. I always try to show up for him on his special days.

He is currently unemployed too and often tells me he has a lot of bills to take care of. Because of this, I don’t even feel comfortable telling him when I have an emergency. I already know what his answer will be.

I once tried to talk to him about how we could start putting aside small amounts of money for emergencies, but that conversation didn’t lead anywhere.

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I have only tried to summarise the situation because the full story is quite long.

Am I overthinking this, or am I putting too much pressure on him? Am I beginning to feel entitled to things I shouldn’t expect from a man?

—Adwoa
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