I was in nursing school when we started dating. Before he became my boyfriend, he was just a friend who helped me deal with the pressure of my first-ever clinicals since I entered nursing school. He kept me sane when everything around me felt overwhelming.
But somewhere along the line, we decided to take things further. After all, aren’t we always advised to marry our friends?
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I was a virgin when we started dating. It was something I had deliberately chosen for myself. I was happy knowing I didn’t have to worry about pregnancy or STIs. But when my boyfriend came into my life, all my walls came crashing down.
I started asking myself, “What if I don’t give myself to him and he goes somewhere else to get it?” I convinced myself that giving myself to him would prove that I loved him. After all, when you love someone, you give. So I gave him the most valuable thing I had kept for myself.
And after that, sex became a normal part of our relationship. But it didn’t stop there. I started going to his house to cook for him. I would cook, and after we ate, we would have sex. I would clean up his house, and if he ran out of toiletries or foodstuff, I would quickly go to the supermarket and buy them.
It wasn’t because I had money. I am still waiting for my posting, and for some time, I have been surviving on the little money I make from selling bags.
But even with the little I had, I still gave to him.
He would talk about a business idea, and I would think about how I could support it. Those dreams would put both of us at the table with people like Tony Elumelu, I thought. Ask me what I have not done for this man. I can show you the time, the date, and the receipts for the things I have done for him. If something was within my means, I did it without hesitation. Even when it wasn’t within my means, I would still find a way to make it happen.
This year, in February, my father died. I told my boyfriend about it. When I was running errands for the sake of the funeral, he was aware of the ups and downs, all of it. On the day of the burial, I was expecting my boyfriend to show up. He was a no-show. If he came for a few minutes and left, it would have healed me in so many ways, but no.
It was from this time that loving him became a hard thing to do for me, but I made efforts not to dwell on it. In those early months, if you saw me crying, it was because I missed my father and because I had finally realised that the man I called my boyfriend could not even be my source of comfort when I needed him most.
I complained about it, but somehow, he managed to make me feel like I was making a mountain out of a molehill.
His behaviour had been strange for a while, but I kept refusing to see it for what it was.
One day he was sweet. The next day he was angry. You never knew which version of him you were going to get.
A few days ago, I received a call that my boyfriend will be getting married next month. I laughed.
“What did you say? I am not getting married?” If my boyfriend was getting married, then it should be to me and not anyone else. I didn’t know grief could make you laugh. I laughed and laughed until the tears came.
When I called him, I didn’t shout at him. I just went, “Congrats on the marriage.” He responded, “Thank you,” with much, much effrontery in his voice, and I assumed a smirk was on his face.
I have cried, but tears do not bring back a dead man. So I have decided to go into action rather than cry over a man like him.
All I am planning to do is see a priest and set a big confusion between him and the lady. I want the lady to catch him sleeping with another woman before the ceremony comes off.
I am crying as I write this. I want this man to suffer in life for what he has done to me. I want the lady to call off the wedding and say that she’s not interested because of what he has done. Not only do I want him to lose this marriage, I want his finances to go down the drain. I want bad things to happen to him for making a fool of me.
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I want his fiancée to find out before the wedding that he has been cheating on her, and then I want her to go and make a scene at his workplace. I want to just pray evil for him.
But is it worth it? All I know is that forgiving him is something I can’t do. I really can’t.
— Betty
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Do whatever would appease your soul. If he could treat you like this without thinking of how you would feel why do you also have to think about him n what happens to him
Betty, take a pause. Take a very long pause. This decision you have made will appease you greatly, it will calm your soul and it will help you heal. In this state, it is the best decision. No man should every treat a woman like that and vice versa. But, and but again, please take a very long pause and instead choose to do nothing.
It is the most cruelest advice I can give you but dear heavens, I have been at the exact position you are in now and I wish to God someone had told me to pause and sleep. So I am telling you as a woman to another woman, that when we humans take justice into our own hands, it brings nothing but hell. Let the one above, who knows his weak points, who knows the exact time to hit him, let HIM ( God ) have this retribution.
And if that doesnt happen, my lady, still pause and sleep, because Karma is also waiting for him and I kid you not, Karma is a cruel bitch..
Under no circumstances should you go and see that priest.
I know you are hurt but please calm down. One day you will look back and thank God for dodging that bullet.
May God heal your broken heart.
His inconsistent behavior and lack of empathy during your father’s funeral points to one thing – you have been dealing with a narcissist all this while. He going ahead to marry someone else is your gain and a blessing for you. You have just dodged a bullet and few people get to do that in life. Leave him in the hands Jehovah to whom vengeance belongs. He pays back in ways better than we humans. I know and understand your pain, but thank God you are not marrying a man like what you have described.