When we got married at that beautiful ceremony, never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that years later we would be standing in a courtroom asking for a divorce. But that is life. It happened, and we moved on.

The divorce was mutual. Neither of us fought it. Between the two of us, our biggest concern was our son. We knew the marriage was ending, but we also knew that as two grown adults, we were not going to let our personal issues affect him.

I am a present father. I talk to him on the phone regularly; he comes by during vacation, and every month there is a dedicated amount of money I send to his mother, my ex-wife. My ex-wife too understands our situation. The little I send, she calls or texts to say thank you and takes care of the rest, and she even earns more than me. We only talk when it concerns our son, whether about his health or academics, and we keep it brief and casual.

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I am in a relationship. She knows of my situation, and for clarity and peace sake, I even introduced the girlfriend to my ex-wife. They had a sweet conversation on the phone, very respectful between the two of them. Last month on Mother’s Day, I wished my girlfriend first. I even posted her. She is not yet a mother, but the way she treats my son has shown me that you do not need to give birth before you can display motherly love. Then, I proceeded and called my mother and my sister. And I sent my ex-wife a text: “Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thank you for the sacrifice you made, and still make, for our son. May God bless you.”

She replied, “Thank you, and may God bless you too.”

I do not take the mother of my child for granted at all. I saw firsthand what she went through to give birth to our son. She was in labor for three days before doctors finally performed an emergency C-section. There was a moment when it looked like we might lose her. To the glory of God, both mother and child survived. So yes, I appreciate what she went through, and I will always be grateful to her for giving me a son I am proud of. I even joke with my friends that being a father is one of my greatest achievements. She gave me the chance.

My girlfriend saw the Mother’s Day message and did not argue about it. In fact, she said it was a mature thing to do and that it made her happy because if we ever had children together, she would want that same appreciation.

On Sunday, I received a text message from my ex-wife, wishing me a happy Father’s Day. “Happy Father’s Day to the best dad ever. If not for you, I would have died in that labor room four years ago. Thank you for taking care of our son even when you do not have much. Your son loves you, and we will always appreciate your sacrifices.”

I responded thank you and moved on to prepare for church.

It was the message my girlfriend saw that got her angry, demanding answers: “Why is your ex-wife wishing you a Happy Father’s Day when you two are no longer together?” My girlfriend woke up by my side at 4 a.m. and didn’t even wish me a common happy Father’s Day.

She posted long messages celebrating her father and brothers, complete with heart emojis and sweet captions, but she did not say a word to me.

I didn’t care about that because I can’t force her, but for her to get angry and jealous that the mother of my child wished me, that’s crazy.

I haven’t seen my ex-wife for almost a year now. It’s always her brother who brings my son for holidays. The distance between us is even a seven-hour ride. We barely text or talk unless it’s about the child. I always show my girlfriend how much I send them at the end of the month, yet she got angry about a simple wish.

“Afia, is this how you are going to be behaving when we get married? So, will you allow my son to come over when we get married?” I asked her. In her theory, I am still very much in love with my wife, and that is why I am entertaining her. I asked for space, and she accused me of breaking up with her so that I could get back with my ex-wife. The ex-wife in question is engaged to be married. She sent me the invite, and I made no plans of attending because I didn’t want to get into trouble with the girlfriend. Even with that decision made, she still wasn’t excited.

Shortly after, her mother called, asking what the problem was. I figured as an elderly woman, she was going to show seniority and advise. She was in support of her daughter marking her territory. “What business does she have wishing you Father’s Day when you two are not together? Are you people playing with my daughter?”

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

I asked her, “Ma, is this what my life is going to be like if I marry your daughter? That I can’t talk to the mother of my child again? So I won’t be allowed to see my son again because your daughter doesn’t like my ex-wife?”

I told her, it is like they are showing me a preview of what my life will look like if I turn a blind eye to the little things, so I don’t want any problem, and I want out.

For the past twenty-four hours, everyone who knows us has been calling and texting, asking me to calm down and not throw away my relationship over what they describe as simple jealousy. They keep telling me that every woman gets jealous sometimes and that I should be more understanding.

But what nobody seems to be talking about is the fact that she didn’t even wish me a Happy Father’s Day. Yet she was angry that the mother of my son did.

So now I’m left wondering if I’m overreacting or if this is a warning sign I shouldn’t ignore. Am I right to end the relationship now, because prevention is better than cure, or should I give her another chance?
—Desmond

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