In the most casual, almost cruel way, he told me he had a child right after we had sex. He said, “I was feeling guilty for hiding this important part of me from you, I need you to know me whole and whole.”

It was a one night stand that led to the pregnancy, and by the time they found out, they couldn’t do anything about it so they had the baby. She is three months old, very recent, coinciding perfectly with when he was chasing me for a chance.

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Joshua and I have been friends for close to five years, and around the third year he started asking me out. I refused every single time until one day I gave him a yes, and it took a lot of reading about what it feels like to date a friend for me to even do that.

Anyway, on my first visit to his place as his girlfriend, he broke the news that he was a new father, something I never heard a sniff of while we were just friends.

We discussed it, and he mentioned with so much finality that he was not going to marry her, saying, “No one can tell me what to do, and it is you I choose.”

It was at that point I wanted to start packing my bags and run away, to leave early before I caught deep feelings, but his response to every question of mine sounded reasonable so I stayed after carefully considering what was at stake.

Some weeks later we met again and had sex, then we pledged it was going to be the last time it would happen between us so that we could have a clear mind and spirit to be in the relationship. We told ourselves.

Then life decided to play a cruel joke on me.My period was late. He was oddly happy when I mentioned missing my period, which was strange for a man who already had a three month old child.

I was feeling guilty, thinking I was going to add to his platter of responsibilities, but he did not seem worried. The first test kit was positive, the second one was negative. Because of the uncertain results I went to the hospital to check, where it came out that I was just a week pregnant.

This is where the crisis starts. Now that it is certain I am pregnant, he is behaving some type of way, trying to run away and distance himself from the whole of it. “There’s a lot of pressure on me, I can’t do it,” he said, meaning he can’t do dating me and having me pregnant with his child.

He is willing to take on the child, but me, he is not interested in anymore. I didn’t understand, from where to where, how to when, what?

I want to say that I am in a shock phase, trying to understand what is happening here. I haven’t even begged him to consider the child and raising the child in a family, and he tells me his mind is very well made up.

How exactly am I going to explain to my parents that the man who has impregnated me has broken up with me, leaving me a single mother? What will they think of me? I suggested that we take care of it quietly, but he doesn’t want me to do that, saying, “You will not kill my child, you will have her or him.”

I am confused at this moment of my life. I was on my own, hiding my business, doing my single thing when he bombarded me with love everywhere I went, and now this. I am considering two things, considering the fact that it is my body and my womb.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

I want to quietly take it back to God so that He gives it to someone else who needs it very much, and I am also thinking about having the child and giving it up for adoption to couples who have been gently looking for a child for many years. There, she or he will grow up in a loving family with parents who have stood the test of time.

—Philly
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