When a man starts pursuing you after you’ve been heartbroken for years, you tend to hear a dog barking whenever he speaks. That was why rejecting Kingsley came so easily to me. I shooed him away every chance I got, but he was a determined man and he kept coming back.

Then my grandfather died, and Kingsley travelled all the way from Accra to his funeral just to sympathize with my family, even though we were not friends. That was the moment that broke the guard around my heart. I sat down and did some self-reflection. If this man could do all this for me when he wasn’t even my friend, why was I keeping him hanging when I was single and not seeing anyone?

So, I accepted his proposal. We took things slowly at first until we didn’t anymore. He insisted that we get married the following year.

“I want to make you my wife very fast. I’ve already wasted two years trying to get you to date me, so let’s not waste any more time.”

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He led, and I followed. Besides, everything about our relationship seemed to point in the right direction. We got along well, we communicated well, and it was proving that we would make a good married couple. Because of that, I started putting the right things in place.

I informed my pastor about the man who wanted to marry me. He requested that he meet both of us, have a conversation with us, and then guide us on the next steps. Since Kingsley was not a member of my church, there were certain procedures we had to follow. Meeting my fiancé was the first step. We were required to go through three to six months of premarital counseling before we could get married. We met with my pastor during the first week of March 2026, but we were yet to start the counseling sessions.

I don’t know the reason for the delay. It started shaking the core of our relationship. Kingsley wanted us married before April, and because that wasn’t happening, he became frustrated. He complained about the counseling process and kept asking why we needed months of classes when we could get married and be done with it. But that wasn’t how things worked in my church. It was protocol, and nobody bypassed it. Besides, marriage is a lifelong school. It comes with happiness and heartbreak, victories and disappointments, beautiful moments and painful lessons. A little education about what we were going to face did not seem like a bad thing to me.

Still, he clearly had a problem with it. At first, I dismissed it as a phase. I thought it was just the frustration of a man in love at heart showing that he couldn’t wait to make me his wife. It was sweet, watching him move from here to there trying to understand the intricacies of our doctrine and the whole process that required that many months of counseling.

Kingsley started going days without talking to me. Days. He would disappear without a care in the world whether I was okay, whether I was sick, or whether something terrible had happened to me. I would send him sweet messages telling him I loved him and missed him. I would pour my heart into those texts, and he would ignore them. He would read my messages and leave them unanswered, and every time it happened, it tore my heart apart.

Recently, my pastor called to ask for some personal documents from my fiancé so we could finally begin counseling. Good news at last. Kingsley would stop brooding over it. But I called him to send those details. Instead of cooperating, he became upset.

“By this time, this late hour, they are now asking for documents? When will we move on to the stage before counseling, before the wedding?”

Later, he told me he didn’t have the documents. According to him, he didn’t know his date of birth, where he was born, or several other details that should have been easy to provide. I waited days for the documents, simple personal information he could have just spelled out for me. I waited, but while I was waiting, my mind was also making up its own decision.

I have cancelled the wedding. It is not happening anymore. He knows; I have already informed him. I am emotionally drained, exhausted, and deeply disappointed.

This is now the third man I have walked away from because he made me feel unimportant.

The first man could disappear for two months at a time before reaching out again. After one disappearance too many, I blocked him.

The second man would go weeks without speaking to me unless I was the one calling. I eventually ended the relationship because he told me he could not date a woman without being physically intimate with her.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

Now there is my current fiancé, a man who will neither call nor respond to my messages. So I find myself asking questions I never thought I would ask.

Is love supposed to be this complicated? Is it because I am still a virgin and want to wait until my honeymoon before having sex? Is that why men keep treating me this way? Or am I cursed? Or is it men just being men and acting “manish”?

Because this is starting to feel like a pattern, and I honestly do not know what to do anymore.
—Esther

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