We attended a mutual friend’s wedding, a wedding she nearly missed because, according to her, she didn’t have an appropriate dress in the right colour to wear. Just two days before the wedding, I gave her money to buy the kind of dress she wanted to wear.

On our way to the wedding, she optimistically said people would be attending ours in a year’s time. I said amen to that. We had dated for two years and everything suggested that marriage was our next step.

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On our way back home, a friend of hers stopped her midway to talk to her, so I walked a few metres ahead. Then I heard the sound of a car that stopped abruptly. I turned back and my girlfriend was talking to someone in the car.

My girlfriend’s friend had left the scene and it was just my girlfriend and the person in the car. She pointed at me and smiled. I didn’t hear what they were saying. She later walked to me and told me the man wanted to give us a lift. I didn’t think twice about it or even ask questions.

She jumped into the front seat while I sat in the back seat. I saw the person driving, a young man about my age. He was respectful to us and talked to me like a guy talking to his elder brother. After the pleasantries, the rest of the conversation was between my girlfriend and him. I sat and observed while he drove us straight to my girlfriend’s house.

All along, I thought he was going to drop us off at a point where we could easily get another car to continue our journey, but my girlfriend was the one giving him directions. So we landed at her house and the man gave her his number before driving away.

I asked, “Is he an old friend? Someone you knew ages ago?”

She answered, “We just met and he decided to be kind.”

I asked why she directed the man to her house instead of mine because that was where we were going, and she responded, “He insisted on bringing me home.”

The whole episode felt strange but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. We make bad decisions sometimes. I took it as a day for her to make a bad decision.

I went inside with her to say hi to her mom. Her mom said, “Oh, I thought you were the one driving the car when my daughter got out of it. The car fits your personality. I pray you buy one soon.”

My girlfriend responded, “Eii, then you’ll pray for long papa. Dabɛn ne kyina?”

She laughed but I didn’t.

I left her house with a heavy heart, like the clouds before a storm. I saw my girlfriend’s behaviour in the car. The ease with which she flowed with the man and the fact that she led him home started ringing alarm bells.

It was her own mother who told me the car had been coming around. She said it right in front of her daughter and told me that if that driver was my friend, then he had been coming there too many times for a friend.

My girlfriend shouted at her own mother, asking her how that concerned her. I asked why the guy had been coming there and she said the guy was now a friend and came around to say hi.

I told her, “Nope, he can’t be your friend. I knew you wanted to give him access to your home when you led him here. If you want us to continue this relationship, then it should stop today.”

I was firm but said it in love, with kindness exuding from every word I spoke.

She fought back. “Why should I sack him when all he wants is to be a friend? I’m not your wife. We are only dating. You can’t kick my blessings away. Who knows what this man will bring?”

That day, the tiny voice in my head warned me to withdraw my heart before it got stabbed. Gradually, while her mom kept telling me the man came around to take her away, I withdrew my heart little by little.

In our final fight, my girlfriend looked into my eyes and told me I was the one dragging her progress down. For two years, I had only talked about hope and nothing concrete.

“You’re dragging my growth down. That’s why you’re jealous another man is coming around. You’re scared he’ll snatch me from you. If you were doing something great in my life, you wouldn’t fear another man.”

I didn’t tell her it was over but when she didn’t call after I stopped calling, I knew our time was done.

She started making videos in the man’s car. She would post the man’s arm while driving but would never show his face. She would write long captions insinuating that a better man had come along after I left.

Friends made the pain worse. I blocked her so I wouldn’t have to see her posts again.

Several months later, I’d moved on and was putting my life together. I woke up one morning and saw missed calls from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a long while. I checked my WhatsApp and he had sent a video.

It was dark but you could hear a fight going on. Then I saw my ex running from a confrontation. The video was very shaky and dark but you could get the point.

My friend said two women had attacked my ex while she was out with the guy. The guy drove away quickly, leaving her at the mercy of the two ladies. They attacked her and removed her wig. Even while she ran, they chased after her until she fell and they started throwing punches. The men around eventually came between them and set her free.

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I was dragging her life down, so she walked away only to meet those who would drag her down literally and punch the life out of her. I unblocked her number, sent the video to her and asked, “Is that you? It looks like you’ve gone viral.”

She blocked me.

She’ll never be able to block the lessons unless she’s not ready to learn.

—Benardo 

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