We were only two months into a relationship when she got pregnant. I must admit, I got scared and asked her not to have the baby. I didn’t have my life figured out, but I should have been considerate and not operated from a place of fear. She said she was going to keep it. I screamed to instill fear in her. When she didn’t kowtow to fear, I started to beg her.

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“Dear, we started this relationship just a few months ago. You want to destroy everything with this pregnancy? Why don’t you have patience for us to get ready before?”

She told me she would rather die with the baby than do what I was asking her to do. I realized she had made up her mind, so I built a defense mechanism. When they came home to tell me to accept responsibility, I denied it and asked for a DNA test before I would take full responsibility.

But as time went on, I grew to accept that there was nothing I could do to change anything. I warmed up to the fact that I was going to be a father and started saving money towards it. I sent her money monthly and sent more whenever she asked for it. Sometimes, I took her to antenatal when she complained she was tired.

She gave birth to a boy who looked like my colored photocopy. I needed no evidence but continued playing the father role I had started even before he was born. Her family asked me to marry her. It got to a point where it became a fight. They were forcing marriage on me. Her dad said, “I can’t keep entertaining you in my house when you don’t want to do the right thing.”

I stopped going to their house and instead sent money. I met them when she was going for weighing so I could see how he was growing. I won’t say I did everything, but I did everything within my means to ensure she was fine and the baby was also fine.

When the child was two years old, she told me she wanted to take him to school. She went to look for a school and brought the prospectus to me. The school fees were over GH₵4,000. I screamed, “For what? For a child who doesn’t even know his own gender? No, I can’t pay for that.”

It turned into a huge argument where she fought tooth and nail to get me to pay that much and other fees for a child of two years. I wouldn’t because I couldn’t. How much was my salary, and how much did I pay as fees at the university?

So I went with her to look for another school. All the schools close to her area were charging exorbitant fees, but we got a place where the fees were very moderate and very few other things were required. Even then, I had to pay a little over GH₵2,000.

I knew if I worked hard and saved something monthly, I would be able to pay that every four months. So I opened an account and did so monthly to be able to pay the fees. Her father was still angry that I didn’t marry his daughter, so he didn’t want to see my face around his house. He finally told me to rent a place for them if I wanted to see them whenever I wanted.

Because of this, I had to withdraw from their lives and send money monthly and whenever she needed something. It was a sad situation for me, but I couldn’t do what I couldn’t do. Some weekends, I asked her to bring the child to me, and I would later send him back to her.

My job took me out of town to work. I would go for weeks and months and come back, but through it all, I never shirked my responsibility. Everything that had to do with the child, I sent money. When she told me he was sick, I didn’t ask questions. I sent money. I sent money for our day, sent money for career day, and sent money for a toy she said my son was crying about.

Then she sent me a message that the school fees had been increased. I asked her to take the child from that school to another school I could afford. She shouted at me on the phone as if I had asked her to donate her kidney. I sent the fees, thinking I would finally come to town and change the school for him.

I came to town weeks ago, and she didn’t know. I went to the child’s school to visit so I could see him. I got there, and they told me his mother had taken him from the school because she said the fees were too expensive. I was shocked. As in, I was paying fees for a school the child wasn’t attending?

I called people I knew around her area, and they told me where my child was going to school. I followed up, only to discover that I had been paying GH₵3,500 in fees and also paying GH₵150 weekly for a child who attends a school that charges GH₵720 as school fees.

I was there yesterday morning when she brought the child to school, and she saw me. She shook and had embarrassment written all over her face. She said, “You said the fees were too much, so I brought him here to try if it’s a good school.”

If I had my way and there were no laws in this country, it would have been very difficult for her yesterday. I quickly went to her father to complain, and all this man said was, “If you won’t marry her, what do you expect her to do to get money from you?”

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That man has no shame, and his daughter has learned that from him. I’m not sending a pesewa to them again until I succeed in taking the child away from her. She resisted the very first time I jokingly said it, but this time, I have a evidence, and she won’t stand in my way. I have all the receipts of the fees I’ve ever paid. I have all records of MoMo transactions to back my claim. If it gets to court and they still ask her to keep the child, I would have no option but to leave them alone or steal the child and run away with him. What nonsense.

—Abeiku

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