Late last year, we met online and took the conversation offline, which later turned into a relationship. I knew his job, his dreams, and even details about his daily life before I said yes to the relationship. He called me beautiful, and I called him the husband of my youth. It was love we didn’t think would grow in such a short time.
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The first time we met, he came to Accra to transact some business, and because I didn’t agree to spend the night at his hotel, we met a couple of times and went on dates before he finally left for his base.
All our meetings had been him coming to Accra to do something, and then we would use the opportunity to meet, talk, and go on dates. For five months, we were in a relationship this way until we planned for me to visit and spend one week with him.
I took leave from work, packed my things in a one-week bag, and traveled out of Accra to be with a man who had promised to marry me before the year ended.
Just three days with him, and I started seeing red flags that made me cringe. The first thing I noticed was that he didn’t wash his hands when he came out of the toilet. He would continue with life after using the washroom as if it didn’t matter. One day, when I asked him to wash his hands after using the toilet, he said, “I didn’t touch anything there to wash my hands.” I told him I had noticed it was something he did often.
He washed his hands because I forced him to, but after that, it became business as usual.
He doesn’t brush his teeth in the evening but would go to bed with you and want to kiss you. He’s also the kind of person who will finish chewing meat right before going to bed. His mouth is always busy whenever there’s something to munch on.
He would brush his teeth and leave the toothbrush at the sink. The day I entered his house, I saw dishes in the sink that looked like they had been abandoned for days. While I was there, he would eat and leave the dishes in the sink. He would shave and leave pieces of hair floating around the sink.
And then his shoes. He doesn’t like wearing socks, so when he removes his shoes, there’s a strong smell that lingers around for several hours. I dried his shoes in the sun every day. I asked him to wear socks, and he told me socks are for kids.
He doesn’t know how to cook. He buys everything he eats from the street, meanwhile he has a kitchen that has everything. He said the things are there waiting for me to use them. I came home yesterday and thought, “Naaa, there’s so much to change about this man. I can’t keep up. He doesn’t even agree to change without resistance.”
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Is it too early for me to sneak out of this relationship? I see a man who needs babysitting. I could handle one or two bad behaviors, but this man right here was badly raised and needs to go back to being young again to be raised well, and that can take a lifetime.
Would you stay to change him?
No sis, this is big red flage, back off before its too late.sending you lots of love
Don’t quit yet,you can put him thru some wrongs and he will take to correction.Both of you are coming from two different backgrounds and will do a lot of working for better result.God bless your new home
No,I wouldn’t stay. Your feelings are valid. You can’t raise a resistant grown up man. Iys extremely hard to change adults.
1. Pray about those red flags
2. Sit him down for hard talk about those red flags.
3. Sincerely, spell out how you feel about those red flags and
4. Give time some time and observe him
5. Visit him unannounced to see if there’s been some effort to reform, if not, flee.
You don’t like What you see? Just back off. Do be polite but firm. If he’s wise he will work at reform before his next relationship. To be fair there are women who are worse or can tolerate his kind. Clearly, you are not such. So be firm and leave NOW
the decision to stay on you, if u think u can stand his mess then go on bcos there’s no way he’s gonna change
Your bf is not the problem.
It’s funny reading posts /comments where we foolishly talk about prayer/God while making no effort to point out the abominable act we do.
It’s either we turn to God with a changed heart or we stop blaspheming his name when we’re not ready for repentance.
Before u come with ur “whoever is without a sin”, or “don’t judge,” i want us to know that the Bible nowhere allows willful sin. And telling a brother his wrong, calling a sister to repentance is not same as passing judgement, it is no act of “holier than thou”. If one must be without a sin before preaching the truth, then none of the apostle shoud hv preached. We only misuse this phrase to cover and promote our viles. Why don’t we use this same logic to flatter murders, armed robbers, kidnappers? Why do we condemn killing since we are not God to judge. Are we without sin when we condemn killings?
This sin of sexual impurity has gained favour. It’s a sacred cow, untouchable, we are many who do it.
Cohabition is sin.
Pastor Daniel Essel, tell her to stop fornication so God may listen to her prayer(see Proverbs 28:9).
You’re even encouraing such ilicit visit.
Politely have deep talks with him so he can understand how you feel about his behavior. Let him know that it won’t hurt him in anyway if he imbibes hygienic habits, intact it would do him much good as a man or father and husband.
If he is able to imbibe 70% of what you tell him, then give him kudos. But if not, then decide what you want.
From what you wrote, he does not treat you bad, just his bad habits. I believe those are not serious red flags enough that can’t be worked on.
Much love to you guys.