I have been dating a man I met on campus since late 2020. He was an alumnus, and I was in my final year. For about two years, things were good between us. Then he had the chance to travel abroad to continue his studies.

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We have managed the long distance very well. He keeps in touch with me constantly. I hear from him every day, or at least every two days. We are still in close contact. This year, he even surprised me and his family with a visit. I was so happy to see him after such a long time.

I have a wonderful relationship with his mother. People often think she is my own mother until I explain she is my future mother-in-law.

His plan is to return next year so we can get married. After the wedding, we will begin the process for me to move abroad to join him. We do not know how long that process will take.

This brings us to the current issue. His mother lives in a two-bedroom apartment with his uncle’s children.

He has given me two options for where I will live after we are married while I wait to relocate. The first option is for me to stay with his mother. The second option is for him to rent a single-room apartment just for me.

Recently, all our talks seem to be pushing me towards the first option, which is staying with his mum.

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While I have a great relationship with her, the idea of living with her makes me nervous. I feel it would restrict me. I find it very hard to say no to her, even when I want to. That has always been our dynamic.

I am worried that as a new wife, I will need my own space to build my life without feeling like I am always under someone else’s watch.

—Julie

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