I got married in 2009. It happened so fast. I had just experienced a devastating heartbreak when I met my husband. To be honest, I settled. I married the next man who showed interest in me. At 32, I felt time was running out. My family also didn’t help. They kept reminding that I was too old to be unmarried. That kind of pressure, mixed with my heartbreak rushed me into marrying a man I barely knew.
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The very week I got married, I regretted my decision. I knew I made a mistake but I convinced myself that I could make it work. By then I was earning about four times my husband’s salary, so naturally, most of the financial responsibilities fell on me. I didn’t mind that. All I wanted was a man who would fulfil my emotional and physical needs. Yet he couldn’t do it. That is what hurts me most, the emotional and physical disconnect.
I had been sexually active before marriage, but my husband was not. That one too didn’t bother me. I assumed things would get better with time. And I believe things would really have improved if I had married a man who was willing to learn. Or someone who cared about my feelings. Unfortunately, that’s not my situation.
Right from day one, sex was dull and mechanical. We could go as long as three months without any intimacy. Even with that, we only did it if I initiated it.
After nine years of marriage, I relocated to the United States. Then I filed for him to join me. Honestly, I wasn’t excited about bringing him, but I hoped a change of environment would change him too. He joined me in September last year. As I speak, we’ve only been intimate twice.
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Throughout the marriage, I kept everything to myself. I felt people would mock me if they knew I was emotionally and physically starved. It was recently that I finally opened up to my elder sister while we were on a routine video call. I told her everything.
She looked at me in shock and shouted, “Wo agyimee oo!” She said I was foolish for tolerating such behaviours in my marriage. Without hesitation, she called my husband right away and asked him if it was true that he was neglecting my needs.
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My husband, without an ounce of shame, responded, “So what if it’s true? People marry for so many reasons and sex is not one of them.”
It turned into a heated back-and-forth between him and my sister, but it all amounted to nothing. My husband has not changed. If anything, things have gotten worse.
I don’t intend to cheat but lately, divorce has been on my mind. If I don’t leave, what is there for me? If I continue with this marriage, is this what the rest of my life will be?
—Salomey
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#SB
My dear leave ohk. You can’t live the rest of your life like this. It is not worth it. Let your happiness be paramount to you
If sex is the only reason why you want out then so be it but make sure you don’t regret it.. Your family are the reason you rushed into it the first place and the same family is the reason why you will end up ruining your marriage. Some men will give you sex but you won’t have peace of mind. Some husbands are even certified cheats. At least with your husband you are assured that the probability of him cheating is zero. Get yourself Some sex toys to relieve yourself.
That your husband maybe he is gay or too invested in church things bcoz I wonder how a man can stay that long or maybe he is cheating…but if you had someone like me right now you would be complaining of tok much sex almost 6 times everyday am a sex maniac💯 you want pleasure reach out to me through ([email protected]) you won’t complain anymore 🤣🤣
Your marriage and husband need immediate redemption (overhauling), dear Salomey. Nine years and counting means you have sacrificed quite a bit for your union; well done.
One of the reasons for marriage is for fulfilment. Start with professional counselors and sex therapy. If this is the solution, then you’ll not need to bring in the next chapter. However, a Plan B is always a wise preparation.
Next, involve the people who were part of the marriage agreement (counselors, principal family members, religious leaders). Hopefully, either Plan A or B will handle the challenge swiftly and your husband will wake up and find good reason to do his duties properly.
The very best to you, Salomey.