Sometimes I wonder if Chine is the way he is because of me. The people I have spoken to about him have told me that he is possessive and acts jealous because he loves me too much. They say it’s only a man who is crazy about you who would be jealous enough to beat me when he fears he might lose me.

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Apart from what people are saying, I know he is a good guy. He is not the kind who gives attention to other women. I am always the center of his attention when we are together. If he is not out working, he is at home with me. And though we fight every five minutes, he still gives me attention. I wonder if I would meet a man who would treat me this way if I insist I don’t want him back.

That’s right, I finally walked away when I had had enough. Oh, I went through so much in that relationship. He is telling me he has changed. He says he will do things right if I give him one more chance. “You have said this so many times,” I reminded him, “you act sweet for a day or two but you always go back to beating me at the slightest provocation.”

“This time will be different. I will open a restaurant for you so that you won’t have to work,” he promised.

This is what he does. Every time I leave, he comes bearing promises. He tells me he will change. He talks about helping me set up a business. I believed him every single time. If I were to tell you the number of times we had this very same dance, you would get tired of my story.

There was a time I even reported him to the police, and they arrested him. Back then, he would beat me badly and then threaten to end my life if I tried to leave him. So when I left, I went to the police. He acted like a crazy person when he was in their custody. So they let him go.

By the time he was out, I had gotten a job that came with accommodation. He tried to convince him to move back in with him, but I said no. It made him angry. He came to my workplace and threatened to hurt my boss if he didn’t fire me. He was on drugs, and it made him crazy. He would scream at my boss and threaten to kill me.

Eventually, he calmed down when I didn’t go back to him. That was when he promised to build a restaurant for me the very first time. He sweet-talked me into quitting my job. When I moved back in with him again, he didn’t change. He called me derogatory names like “prostitute” whenever I was friendly with other men.

As for the restaurant, he refused to do it. According to him, it’s women who bear children for men who deserve to have businesses established for them. I even asked him to give me money to start a tabletop petty trading. He said no. “As a woman, you don’t need to work. Your place is in the house. I don’t want other men coming near you.”

Despite his insistence that I stay at home, he wasn’t even giving me money. Mostly, I would have to even go out and hustle to give him money when he was down. It was only once that he gave me 2000 naira to do my hair. Even with that, I needed soap so I used part of the money to buy a bar. He got angry and seized the soap.

That’s what he does. He takes things from me when he is angry. I have lost count of the number of times he broke my phones. One time, a man was kind enough to give me money to buy a new phone. Chine got angry and broke the phone.

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In case you are wondering where my family is, they are not here. I moved away from them to another town in search of greener pastures. I only wanted to work and make some money, and return home. But everything changed when I got entangled with Chine. He was kind to me when I was sick. By then, he was just a guy I had a one-night stand with. Nonetheless, he stayed by my hospital bed and took care of me. That’s how he became my boyfriend.

My job was out of town, so I used to visit him on my days off. After a while, he told me, “I don’t want a woman who lives far away from me. If not, the relationship will not work. I need someone who will live with me as a wife.”

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

I didn’t want to do that, but eventually he persuaded me to quit my job and move in with him. It was then that the sweetness turned sour. Every time I tried to leave, he would beg me to stay. If begging didn’t work, he would resort to threats. We’ve been doing this back and forth for years.

I have left him again, but he is asking for one last chance. I want to finally work and make something out of my life. I was determined to choose myself this time. I’m just confused about his love for me. Is it true that a man only acts this crazy when he loves you too much? What if I don’t meet another man who will love me this strongly?

—Harley

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