Something happened when I visited my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We got into a big fight about it. When I got home, I was so angry that I ended up dumping him. The whole situation still confuses me. It makes me wonder if I acted rushed or if my behaviour was justified.

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That day at his place, everything seemed normal. We were chill and had fun. When I got hungry, he ordered food and alcohol for us. I even used his phone to take pictures of us. Those # couplegoals kinds of photos.

It was really an intimate moment. After the photos, we fell into the comfort of exploring each other’s bodies. A touch here. A passionate kiss there. And we were soon in the throes of passion like the intoxicated lovers we were.

When we were spent and finished, we lay cuddled together in postcoital bliss while drinking our unfinished alcohol. Typical honeymoon type of sweetness.

The night would have ended on a happier note if it hadn’t been the message notification he got. I saw the name of the person who sent it. It was from a woman but that was not my problem. I only felt something was wrong because of the way he got all panicky and shifty when he saw the message.

I know my boyfriend chats with other girls. He has female friends and cousins that he talks to. I’ve never had a cause for concern when it came to his relationship with them. This one though, didn’t feel right.

She had left two regular calls, a video call, and several messages. If she was just a friend, why was she hitting up his phone as if they were lovers?

“Who is she?”

This simple question got him so defensive. He started accusing me of things I hadn’t done.

“You ask too many questions.”

“Why do you want to know everyone I talk to?”

He wasn’t giving me the answers I needed so I tried to take his phone to read the message for myself, and if possible, take her number. That was when things got weird. For the first time ever, he actually fought me to get his phone back. He even grabbed my phone so I couldn’t save her number.

The entire time he was being aggressive, there was fear in his eyes.

At that moment, I remembered something from earlier that evening. When we took those cute pictures, I asked him to post one of us together. He refused to do it. He said he wasn’t photogenic. Meanwhile, he posts photos of himself on his socials. I didn’t want to make an issue of it but after that fight, it made sense. He just didn’t want to post a photo of me and him.

After everything that happened, he didn’t do anything to make it better when he was driving me home. He chose that time to respond to all her messages. The entire time, he held his phone up close to his face to indicate that he was hiding something.

I was so hurt, I felt like kicking the steering wheel in anger. I didn’t. Instead, I calmly asked him again, “Who is she?”

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This time around he calmly said, “ She is my sister.”

If it was true, then why all the chaos? Why couldn’t he say it right from the beginning that it was his sister? Why the secrecy? I knew he was lying. This is why I broke up with him.

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I wanted to have peace but I’m hurting. This thing is eating me up inside. I feel like I lost my man to a girl with an ugly name. I know it sounds petty, but her name irritates me.

My question is, should I have waited to gather more evidence? Or did I do the right thing by walking away? A part of me still wants to fight back. I just don’t know if it’s worth it.

— Matilda 

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