The kind of work I was doing from the beginning put me in a place where I met wealthy men. I was working in one of the five-star hotels in Ghana where we almost always welcomed diplomats, politicians, successful businessmen, and music stars. You serve them and in the next minutes, they’ll be asking for your contacts. It was against hotel policies to give your personal number to clients but we always found a way to do it. I gave my number to a few of them, got close to many of these influential people, and when my heart was at peace, I said yes to a few. 

I never lacked fancy things during those days. A phone is launched today and the next week I will own one. Talk about beautiful clothing and jewels. Talk about perfumes. Talk about shoes and bags. At some point in my purse, I had about thirty-six different currencies I kept as souvenirs—nothing could make me spend those monies. But the downside of dating such people is that you’re always not the first. They all have their own so you become a plaything for them. 

I dated one old businessman like that. He was fifty-seven when I was only twenty-four. I saw him once every three months. He wouldn’t call or text you. You call him and he’ll never pick. You send him a text and you get silent back, but whenever he was in town he owned me completely. That few days I would spend with him, there was nothing I could do. I can’t pick calls (He never allowed phones around him) and I can’t leave the hotel room until he was ready to leave town. He always came with whatever I asked of him and whenever he was leaving town, he would give me the last of the foreign currencies left in his wallet. He was my cocoa season. 

You wake up one day, look in the mirror and see the woman you’d become, and tell yourself, “This girl right here deserves better than she’s getting.” So you put on your thinking cup and tell yourself, “Enough is enough. Me too I deserve a man of my own.” When I got to that point in my life, I decided never to avail myself to the desires of some men who only needed my body and nothing else. I cut contact with all of them and luckily for me, I had a new job at a place where I would sit in the office and press the computer instead of pressing the egos of rich men. 

New environment, new me. I started giving a listening ear to the ‘ordinary’ men that came my way. Of all the men I entertained, it was Duncan I finally gave my heart to. He was persistent and presented himself as a man I can own wholeheartedly. I watched him. He was the only guy who never touched his phone whenever I was with him. He looked at me when we were talking and made me felt seen and heard—something I’ve lacked for so many years. So I said yes to him. I kissed him that same day and when we ended up in my house that day, we had our first sex. It felt like the world was ending and we needed to experiment with everything lovers do before the earth disappears.

Then life began rolling right before our eyes. He was a photographer who had huge dreams of making it big in the industry. You enter his ultra-modern studio and you immediately know this guy means business but his general attitude towards work was very poor. It was something I decided to help him solve. The way he canceled on clients at the last minutes without any notice or apology and how he went on running his business, to me, wasn’t the best. At first, he listened to me until he stopped listening and ordered me to listen to him instead. Soon he lost most of his clients and couldn’t pay for the place he was renting for his studio so he had to leave. 

We were only one year into the relationship. Just a year and I had lost the listening ear. I kept trying for him, asking him to take advantage of social media. I even called friends who could help him for free but he brushed all of them aside. Instead, he became a personal photographer to one musician. He covered his shows and did other stuff for him but that guy never paid him. They were always fighting so, he stopped working for him. No work, no income. We began fighting about every little thing. In my mind, he’ll recover. In my mind, he was the first guy I’ve had that I could call my own so I was being patient with him. “Someday, everything would be alright. I will help him build.”

And then I caught him cheating. The girl was an upcoming model he was shooting. I guess the girl couldn’t afford his services so she decided to pay in kind. I read their chats and caught him. He apologized and I forgave him. A friend of mine was celebrating her birthday and needed a photographer so I recommended him to her. In the end, he shot the girl for free and started dating her a month later. He collected payment in kind and later borrowed money from me which he never paid back. I never forgave that girlfriend but I forgave him. He was all I had. Upon all these series of infidelity, he had the gut to order my steps around, telling me when to be home after work and who I should keep as friends. 

A friend was looking for a photographer to shoot her wedding. Again, I recommended him. He did a very great job for the friend and that friend also recommend him to another friend. But after covering my friend’s wedding, he left with one of the bridesmaids. I don’t know how long they dated but in the end, I caught him and he again apologized. This is a guy who gives me nothing—not even a penny. This is a guy who borrows money from me and never pay back. This is a guy I go out of my way to get him gigs. I was always looking around, recommending him to friends and getting him businesses but all he did for me in return was to cheat on me.

He brings nothing, yet takes it all.

One day, a girl would look through the same mirror that gave her a change of mind and ask herself, “Why the hell am I tolerating this much from this idiot? I deserve better than this. I will begin to go after something better than him.”

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One day when everything was still in our relationship, I told him; “I don’t want to continue with you. I’ve had a change of heart.” He asked, “Have you found another man?” I responded, “Yes.” He said, “So you’ve been cheating with him on me?” I said, “I don’t want to talk about that.” He said, “You can go to hell for all I care.”

Eight days later, he was at my doorstep with a long apology; “I’ve thought about the whole thing and I’ve realized it would be a huge mistake to let you go. I’ve had a change of heart. Please let’s start again.” I shut my door and told him to leave me alone. He came back two days later. He came back a week later. He came back a month later. He came back three months later. At some point, he came to my house every evening. One morning, I woke up and he was seated silently in front of my door. It looked like he had been there since dawn. He said, “I won’t leave here until you say yes to me.” I told him, “If you put half of the energy you’re using now to get me back into our relationship, we wouldn’t have been here.”

When a girl says to herself that she deserves better than she’s getting and decided to go after what she deserves, nothing brings her back to the filth. I gave him so many opportunities and he messed it up. I wasn’t going to give him same rope again. We parted ways almost a year ago and he still begs for a comeback. Mommy raised no fool. I’m on a journey to discover the best out there for me.          

—Vanessa