My friends call me a lucky woman because of the man I married. My family sees me as the vessel of honour God is using to lift our family from grass to grace. They call me a blessing. My neighbours also see me and think I have it good. I smile sweetly and carry my head high as if I’m the happiest wife on earth. They don’t see through my façade.
Maybe I put on such a convincing show so they don’t suspect that my life is not filled with sunshine and rainbows. What else can I do but play pretend?
I am in a big house. I have everything at my disposal. My husband provides everything I need. I am not going to lie, I have the kind of lifestyle most women want; comfort, luxury, and a constant flow of money. Not only does he take care of my needs, he takes care of my family as well. That’s why they consider my marriage as the financial breakthrough they have all been praying for.
The thing about my husband is, he doesn’t only take care of my family. He takes care of my friends as well. Anyone who is close to me automatically benefits from his generosity. Even if I meet someone today and take them home that we are friends, my husband would give the person help if they need it. That’s something I am grateful to him for.
Based on some people’s definition of happiness, I should be happy. That’s assuming that everything that happens behind closed doors is as smooth and beautiful as everything that happens outside. I am the only one who knows the hell my husband puts me through.
Despite his calm and gentle demeanor, he has a bad temper. We could be laughing and playing one moment and the next moment he would be yelling at me and calling me all sorts of offensive names. It doesn’t matter if we are alone or if our kids are around. He would insult me.
There are times I tell him, “Don’t talk to me like that in front of our children.” He would angrily shout, “If you want me to talk to you kindly then stop fooling.” Sometimes he makes me feel like I am not human enough. It is as though I am made of silicon so his insults wouldn’t hurt me.
Every little typo I do irritates him. There has never been a time where he has admitted that he was wrong. Anything that goes wrong in our marriage has to be my fault. As for him, he is always right. Because of this, he can’t be corrected.
According to him, I am a foolish woman. It’s either that or I am a stupid woman. Those are the words he uses on me. If verbal abuse could physically kill, he would have killed me long ago. I believe that’s the problem. People don’t see the harm verbal abuse causes a person, so they easily dismiss it.
My heart is hurt and my spirit is crushed by his constant barrage of hurtful words. However, my family doesn’t take me seriously when I report him to them. It got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to my family and told them, “I can’t continue with the marriage anymore.” They asked why and I spoke earnestly about the verbal abuse I was suffering.
When they heard my complaints they said, “Don’t even think about packing out of that house and returning home. This is marriage for you. It’s not full of milk and honey. There’s salt and spice too. Everywhere you go, you will face a problem. And when the problems come, you don’t run away. You stay and endure it just as much as you enjoy it.” With that, they sent me back.
I concluded that maybe my husband easily disrespects me because I am a housewife. So I tried to work. My husband said no. He forbade me from doing anything that would bring me an income. He sees it as an embarrassment to his reputation.
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“I take care of you, don’t I?” He asked. When I nodded he said, “You don’t need anything, I make sure of that. I provide for your family as well. So there’s no need for you to work.” He wants me to stay home and raise our kids while he works and brings home the money.
I am not happy with my life but I wear a happy face all the time because of how many times people tell me I have a good life. I don’t tell them anything about the abuse I am putting up with. I want things to change but I don’t know how to make it happen.
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We have two children. He is great with them. He doesn’t hurt them in any way, not even verbally like he does me. He is good to them. He gets upset when they even get a paper cut. That’s how much he loves his children. I wish he would treat me as gently as he treats them.
Please, what can I do to change things in my marriage? Even when I walk on eggshells around him, he still finds something to insult me about. Considering the fact that my family has left me to my fate, I have no one else to turn to. I need advice. I also need tips on how to make him more respectful toward me.
—Grace
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Let God be your friend, go to church and make good friends. Talk and chat your heart out with the good people around you. Let God be your guide in this and try as much as possible to be happy. See my grandmother of blessed memory says, that is why God created air, to carry away the insults. when the insults happen, let the air take it away. Make yourself happy and do not expect anything from him. Do not let your happiness depend on him but on God and the Holy spirit and His work. Trust me that will be the best choice you will make for yourself for life. Make your children your friends as well, relate well with them. Ignore him and his insults, please. Stay safe and blessed.
I don’t agree with you my dear, verbal abuse is deadly. In as much she has every thing at her disposal doesn’t mean she should be in this marriage. A man like her husband would never change. Verbal Abʋse diminishes a soul,I won’t ever wish it for my enemy. No amount of prayer would change his husband (narcissistic) No!!.
Grace please save enough, get a new place and a new life. Make sure you get something doing please. It is well
He is a narcissist, that’s why he does not want you to have financial freedom. I suggest you start saving some of the money he gives you and put them in investments.
Find remote jobs to do as well. Grow your money without letting him know about it. The day your children and nest egg are big enough, you can leave him.
His type of abuse is not known by the older generation thus your parents will keep sending you back, but this type of thing can break u to d point of no return.
Get your independence back! All d best and God be with you!
Make God your all. Leave the rest in his hands.
Pray, certainly, but you need to do more than that. He has to respect you. Every human being deserves respect and dignity; it’s a basic human right. No one has the right – certainly not a husband- to put you down every day like that. Did he born you? Put some money away quietly, and when you have enough, leave his sorry-ass in that big, rich house and go and live there alone. Let him come and beg you and promise to be of good behavior, before you come back. Don’t allow him to bully you koraa. You deserve to be happy.
Some are saying she should pray and leave the rest to God. If Grace had added that her husband is poor or broke, many would have recommended divorce. Poverty indeed is a disease!
Abuse is abuse. Money doesn’t make abuse less harmful. If he is unwilling to change, don’t live the rest of your life doing nothing and suffering at the hands of a man who has no respect for you. Your kids will grow up thinking it is okay to insult people. It’s okay to divorce for the sake of your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
I go with Bea and LN on this one!
Your husband’s disrespect is because you depend on him for everything. You make it worse by imbibing the insults. Financial independence and ambivalence. Save and invest. Make friends and participate in social events. When you are occupied you will not even have his time and the insults will just bounce off you. He will then work for your attention.
I agree with Naomi,I always say verbal abuse is more deadly than physical abuse.it’s b’cos she depends on him for everything,leave him and find some work to do to help urself and ur parents.However,don’t kill urself for them,leave before you die out of emotional torture
Start an investment or business low key.
Save up, get an apartment for one year and move out.
Ignore family until hubby comes to his senses or goes for the worst if his mind and attitude can’t be reset.
If he comes begging, drag small with conditions addressing your worries then move back.
Make sure your business or investment is still solid in case he wants to play smart
Save money and start an online selling business, sign up on Jiji it’s easy to upload your products there. You don’t have to buy the items and put them in the house for him to see, you can get a wholesale shop where you pay for the items and when you get a clients they will deliver to them. When you begin making money start taking care of some of the financial responsibilities in the house, before your husband becomes aware of the bills you would have paid for them. Get something doing don’t allow him to shoulder all the bills or he will continue to disrespect you. May the Lord grant you wisdom to know the best steps to take.
I side with your parent not because your husband is taking good care of them but they know your marriage compared to what others are going through out there is so so good
Most of this ladies asking you to save money and leave your husband are born one and born two who either dont know the fathers of their children or the men who impregnated them dont trust them so wont even own up.
Do you know how a woman looks like having a child with no man owning up as father? I am not saying your husband is perfect but he is near perfect. Your husband is far better than this good for nothing guys here asking you to advocate for The United Nations Human Rights Council by demanding your human rights in your marriage.
one lady even wrote; your husband is a narcissist. How can you refer a person you takes good care of you, your parent and even your friends, narcissist? gyimiii… you just hear people using words and you also just jump into using them without finding the meaning.
Try putting a stop to the things you do that make him say bad words to you
Go and learn from old married folks on how to calm a partner down when he or she is upset
You are no woman if you cant calm your husband down when he is angry
You will regret immensely if you should initiate divorce and it goes through
There is absolutely nothing out there .
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