He is friends with Afia, that’s how I met him. I told her I liked him. I thought she would laugh it off as a joke but she didn’t. She gave my number to him and he called me. That’s how we started talking. After getting to know each other on the phone for a while, we went on our first date. That was the first time I was meeting him properly and seeing him up close. The date was uneventful, however, I was not impressed by my experience with him.

A few days after the date, I sat down and admitted to myself that I didn’t like the way he dressed. I didn’t like the way he smelled either. He didn’t smell bad. He just didn’t smell like a gentleman. And the way he spoke English was average. The grammar wasn’t good. After considering these factors, I said to myself, “This is not the kind of man I can be with.” I didn’t tell him about my assessment of him. No, I just blocked him.

Two months later, I attended an event Afia hosted and met Godwin there. When I laid eyes on him, I regretted my hasty decision to block him. So I approached him and said hello. We talked for a while, catching up on each other’s lives. In our conversation, I asked if he was open to giving us another chance. He then asked, “Not until you tell me why you blocked me. I thought we were doing well, only to find out you blocked. Even if I did something wrong, couldn’t we have talked about it and worked it out?”

In as much as it made me uncomfortable to say, I told him about all the things about him that made me think we were not a good match. He listened keenly and responded, “Thank you for telling me. Help me work on these things so I can be a better man for you.” Things picked up after that.

We started talking frequently, and soon enough we were dating. All the things that used to bother me about him no longer held water in our relationship. I was comfortable with who he was and he knew it. However, I mistakenly called him stupid one day when we were having a conversation. I apologized the moment the word left my mouth. He didn’t seem offended. And he assured me there and then that he had forgiven me.

Nothing he did after that moment showed he was holding a grudge. For two good months, we had a beautiful relationship. I was happy. And he made me believe he was also happy. I only got to know something was wrong when he told me one morning that he wanted a breakup. I asked him why and he answered, “Can’t you see? We are worlds apart. You have more money than I do. Also, don’t forget why you blocked me. You said I was not your type of man.”

Now here is the thing. I don’t consider myself wealthy. I make enough to pay my bills and send some money to my family back home at the end of every month. That’s enough for me to say that I’m doing well enough. So I didn’t understand what he meant by I had more money than him. It wasn’t as if I was rubbing my money in his face. I was just taking care of myself without demanding stuff from him. That’s all.

Anyway, I didn’t want to lose him so I spoke to a few close people around him, and the issue was resolved. We resumed our relationship again but things were not the same. Whenever I thought we were in a place where we were both happy in the relationship, he would ask for a breakup. Although he said he forgave me for our rough start and all the things I said and did to him in the past, he couldn’t forget about it.

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So once in a while, he would get triggered and ask for a breakup. When he calmed down, he would come back and say, “I have forgiven you so let’s move on.” This went on for about eight months months. I even lost count of the number of times he asked us to break up.

Apart from this, he questioned everything I did. “Why are you wearing wigs instead of keeping your short hair?” He would ask. He complained about my clothes and the things I said. He said I would offend people because of the way I speak. It was obvious he didn’t like who I was. As if to say that he would be more relaxed in the relationship if I molded myself into someone less visible and quieter. But that’s not who I am so it became a problem.

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Finally, we broke up three months ago. Since then we’ve been hanging out as friends. For some time now he has been asking me to make a decision about our relationship. Because of his past behavior, I was reluctant to get back together with him at first, but eventually, I agreed that we should try again. The next day after I said this, this guy told me, “You know what? Let’s just be friends. I am not sure I can ever forgive what you did to me.” I was hurt but I said okay.

Later he sent me a text that read; “I am sorry for saying we should be friends. I was just testing you.” I don’t care what his reasons are. I have had enough of this back and forth. So I have decided that I don’t want to go back to him but he keeps begging me to take him back. What should I do?

—Afia G

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