Ever since I had our baby, he hasn’t even sent me money to buy washing soap. Everything is on me. From the baby’s diaper to wipes. Clothes, blankets, socks, sheets, powder, name it. I take care of them without his contribution. When I ask him for money, he would tell me he doesn’t have money. He never has money. That’s why our baby is three months old yet hasn’t been officially named yet.

This is what happens when you fall in love with a fine boy. The saying that ‘fine boy no dey pay’ in my experience is true. We didn’t date for long before I got pregnant. Because of that, I didn’t know that side of him properly. My only fight with him at the time was that he wouldn’t show me his house. He had introduced me to his father and his colleague at work. But when I asked him to take me to his house, he refused.

When I shared the news of our pregnancy with him, he didn’t react badly to it. He accepted it gladly. He told his father about it even. So I was surprised when I asked him to take me to his house and he said, “Until I am married to a woman, I won’t take her to where I live.” He said he wouldn’t make an exception for pregnancy. So I proposed that we get married.

He accepted the proposal nicely. Then he started dragging his feet when I brought up the marriage list. Eventually, I got tired and stopped talking about it. When the pregnancy was five months old, he told me to go for the hospital list so that we could start buying the baby’s stuff.

I went for the list and he said, “I will give you GHC1000 to start buying the things. Then I will top you up when you need to buy more.” I was happy to hear this. I have a job but I don’t earn much. So it was good to know that my partner was ready to pull his weight and support me.

A month after I went for the list, he still didn’t give me the money. Today he would tell me tomorrow. Then tomorrow would come and he would tell me next week. That’s what he did till I got fed up and reported him to his father. After I spoke to his dad, this guy called me sounding angry. He shouted; “Why did you go and report me to your father? Now he thinks I am irresponsible.”

I felt I had done something wrong so I quickly apologized and he let it go. He promised to give me the money by the end of the month but he didn’t. At some point, I got frustrated and started buying the things with my money. My rent was due and I paid that one too by myself. My baby daddy never gave me a dime.

My water broke prematurely. I called him to come and take me to the hospital and he said to wait for him. I waited for hours but he show up. So I took a taxi and went. They put me on admission so they’d monitor me until my due date. The entire time I was in the hospital, he was nowhere to be found. He only called once to say, “I hope you are not going to deliver by C.S.” Then when it was time for me to deliver he sent me GHC500. That was it.

I had the baby and went home and he was still not in the picture. I became depressed. I cried every day because of the hurt and betrayal he caused me. Someone advised me to stop crying on the child. I tried but it was hard.

I was completely broke. And I didn’t have a support system. To make it worse, the father of my child didn’t seem to care about us. It was when the baby was two weeks old that he showed up to name the baby.

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I told him, “There are certain rites you have to perform in our culture before you can name a child. To perform the rites, we need to buy six yards of white cloth, and a white cock. I gave you a child so you have to buy these things to thank me.” He asked if it was necessary. And I answered, “Without it, there won’t be a naming ceremony.” He promised to buy it but that one too was gone with the wind.

After he came to see the baby and left, he broke up with me over a text message. I was so hurt. I cried the whole day. Then the next day he sent me a text that he was joking so I should forget about his previous texts.

I’m Attracted To Women Who Have Children

This guy has been playing with my emotions since we met. He has lied to me repeatedly. He has made so many empty promises. He has neglected me when I needed him most. And now he is ready to perform the rites so we would have the naming ceremony. He wants it to be big so he asked me to plan it well. Oh, I am planning it.

I want to take the money he wants to spend on the ceremony and use it to take care of the baby’s needs. Then I would organize a few family and friends and ask our pastor to name the child. I just want to get him to be responsible for once, even if it means employing deception. Will I be wrong to do this?

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—Moira

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