When my boyfriend told me I couldn’t visit him because his friend, Barnabas, was in town I didn’t believe it. I thought he was hosting another woman. That was the only thing that made sense to me. I mean, why else would a man who is in a long-distance relationship stop his girlfriend from visiting him? I think even picked a fight with him over this issue. No matter what he said, I didn’t let it rest until I found out for myself that he was telling me the truth.

He explained, “Barnabas is in town for a new job he just got. He doesn’t have anywhere to live so he will stay with me for a month while he gets a place. After he leaves, you can come and visit.” I missed him but patience is a virtue I possess. So I agreed to wait until his friend moves out.

A month passed and this man didn’t leave my boyfriend’s place. I didn’t know what was happening with them. I asked him why the guy was still there. He said, “Things didn’t go as planned. Barnie lost the job he got. So he wants to stick around until he finds something else to do.” I tried to be understanding but it was difficult. First, he was leeching off my man. Then, he was getting in the way of our alone time.

Every time I brought it up, he told me to be patient so I stopped talking about it. After several months apart, we finally got to spend some time together. Barnie was still around so he visited me. While we were having intimacy, something strange happened. He put his yinky backdoor. I thought it was an accidental brush. I expected him to take it off when he realized that it was the wrong hole.

He didn’t reposition himself. Rather, he tried to push it in. It was painful so I asked him to stop. When we finished, I warned him never to do that to me again. Although he apologized, I don’t feel right about what happened. I keep asking myself, “What kind of straight man would try to do it there? Is that not what homosexuals enjoy?”

I have been plagued by this incident since it took place. I wonder if Barnie is just a friend or if there’s more to their friendship. Could it be that his friend moved in with him because they are lovers? In this day and age, certain things can no longer be taken at face value. Now, you have to even ask questions if your partner is spending too much time with someone of the same sex.

I haven’t discussed my concerns with him yet. I don’t want to be rushed in my confrontation. If he is not doing it, then he would feel offended that I thought of him in that way. If he is doing it and I confront him without evidence, then he would just cover his tracks.

While I was waiting to gather evidence, he started complaining about Barnie. He is the one responsible for everything they use at home. “I buy soap. I buy even water we drink. When we need to use water at home, I am the one who goes to fetch the water. You would think that he would pick up some domestic chores since I am practically the person taking care of him, but no. I provide and still take care of the home.” He says he is tired. To add to that, Barnie wears his clothes and shoes.

As a supportive girlfriend, I suggested; “If he is worrying you then let him go erh.” This time he didn’t tell me to be patient. He agreed with me that Barnabas needs to go. He just doesn’t know how to approach it without coming across as a bad person. “This is a barracks, you know,” he continued, “And it’s a single room I am staying in. Very soon my superiors will complain that I am living with someone. How do I stop this?”

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The annoying part about all this is that his friend got some money recently. It was enough for him to rent his own place and move out but he refused. He chose to continue living off my boyfriend instead. How can you move in with someone in April with the promise that you’d move out within a month, only continue to stay there till October? As I am narrating this story, he still has no plans to relocate.

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Out of frustration, my boyfriend told me, “I want to tell him that you are coming to stay with me. Maybe that will quicken him to leave.” In as much as I want him gone, I don’t want to be used in getting it done. I don’t want Barnie to think I am the reason he is getting thrown out.

Kweku should be able to tell his friend to leave without involving me. And the fact that he doesn’t know how to do that heightens my suspicions about their “friendship”. Am I wrong? Should I allow Kweku to tell Barnabas that he should leave because of me? If not, what other ways are there to sack someone who has over stayed their welcome? Please, help. This guy’s presence is putting a strain on our relationship.

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—Mary

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