Our entire relationship has been a long-distance affair. We started right after I completed Senior High School. Things have progressed smoothly for the past seven years. We are currently about to tie the knot. We are almost done buying everything on the marriage list. From there, we will set a date and we will finally begin our lives as husband and wife.

This should make me happy. Honestly, the thought of getting married to Tony used to make me so happy. However, I have noticed certain things about him that I believe might become a big problem in our marriage.

Because our relationship has always been long-distance, we don’t spend long moments together. I would visit him and spend three days and then go back to my place. The longest I stayed with him was a week. Even when we went on trips, we would spend only a few days. And all the times we spent together were good. He knows how to make me feel loved and cared for. Everything he does is to make sure that I am comfortable and that I am having a good time.

That’s why I didn’t notice it early that he is the kind of person who is comfortable staying by himself. I know from experience that people like that usually get fed up when they have to share the same space with someone for a long time. So I suggested to him, “Seeing as we’ve stayed apart throughout the relationship, we don’t know how we will live with each other. So I want to start spending more time with you. When I visit, I will stay for two weeks.”

He didn’t object to my plan. So the next time I visited him, I expected a long stay. The first three days were ecstatic. Everything was just bright and shiny. I saw the rest of our lives flash before my eyes and it was beautiful. I was sure that the rest of my stay would be enjoyable. However, after the fifth day, he changed. He wasn’t rude or hostile or anything of the sort. He just switched off. He still did everything possible to make me comfortable, but I could feel his heart was not in it.

He was uneasy. He is not a cheat so I know it’s not because he wanted me gone so he would bring in another woman. It was because he just wanted his space back. He is an only child so he is used to being alone. He enjoys his solitude more than anything he likes. I didn’t think that attitude would extend to me but it did. He tried to act normal but the vibe was off. I just knew that he didn’t want me there anymore. So I left earlier than I intended.

After I left I became worried. If I cannot spend two weeks with him without feeling like I am an imposition then what are we going to do if we get married? Will he insist that our marriage be a long distance? Or maybe he would say we should stay in different houses or if it’s the same house, then separate bedrooms. That’s not the kind of marriage I want. The fact that I spent seven years with him and I am now finding out about this is what is paining me.

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I had a conversation with him about it and he told me he would change. Time has passed but he hasn’t changed. When I brought it up again he said, “I have been like this my entire life so the change is not going to happen overnight. I am working on it so you have to be patient with me.” I want to be patient with him. However, we don’t have much time before we get married. And I would hate to find out after marriage that he cannot change.

To open your mouth to say I love you, Is kind of weird

This is why I am considering calling off the marriage. The only thing holding me back is the amount of time we spent together. Seven years is a long time to just walk away from him. But I want to know if I have a reason to be concerned. He is a good man. He doesn’t abuse me or cheat on me. He is always going out of his way to make me happy. The only thing wrong with our relationship is this whole issue of him not wanting to share his space.

How can I marry a man like that? Won’t he be miserable when he wakes up to my face every day? Won’t he always want me out of the house? I have a lot of fears about this. But I don’t have anybody to talk to. He keeps assuring me that he would change. This is someone who is in his thirties. I feel like at his age, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Change is almost impossible. Will I be right to end the relationship because of this? I just want to know that I am not overreacting.

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