It’s My Sister’s Nude Photos That’s Keeping My Relationship Alive

We got introduced at a friend’s wedding. I was one of the bridesmaids and he was a friend of the bride. I didn’t know why he was so eager to talk to me but I gave him an audience. He asked if we could be friends and I smiled. “What kind of friendship are you talking about here? Please be clear so I could be clearer with my answer.”

“Just friends. Nothing serious,” he said.

I said yes to him though I suspected he wanted more than just friendship. I gave him my number and he took mine. That same evening he called. He told me it was his pain that he didn’t meet me earlier. He would have spent a lot of time building friendship before leaving. He is in Canada and he had only four days left on his stay.

When he wanted a date, I said yes. He was there before me. When he saw me coming, he got up and opened the door for me. He pulled the chair for me to sit. When I sat down he told me he was happy to see me. The little things got my attention. Before then I didn’t know my true feelings for him but I was open to knowing him more.

That night he proposed. I saw it coming yet had no answer prepared for him. The only thing that came to mind was, “I’m not a fan of distance relationships. Especially the ones it takes years before you meet once. It’s tiring and emotionally draining sometimes.”

He agreed with me but encouraged me to give it a try because he was ready to make it work. I didn’t say yes and I didn’t say no. All I said was, “Let’s see what happens as the days go by.”

He travelled back to Canada and started calling me twice every day. The time difference didn’t matter to him. He would call me before I sleep and wait to say good morning before my day starts. In between, we’ll be texting each other, talking about how our day is going and all. The little things. The kind of effort he put in each day just to speak with me got my attention. At first, I thought he had a lady there and was looking for a local girl to play with but a man who has a lady in his life doesn’t show the depth of commitment this guy showed from the onset.

I said yes to him with a caveat; “If only things will be like this every day, then yes. You’ve proved to me that it can work so let’s make it work.”

One day he asked for a photo and I sent it. Before that, we were doing video calls so I didn’t understand why he would ask for a photo. It became a daily thing. “I want to see how you dressed up to work today.” “I want to see how you showed up for God this Sunday.” If I attended an event, he would like to know how I dressed up for the event. I knew what he wanted so I didn’t let him ask before sending them.

One day he asked for what I couldn’t give.

We were having a video call and he asked me to take off my dress so he could see me naked. “I’m shy. I can’t just go off like that. Naaa I can’t do it.” He pressured me for several minutes but I stood my ground. It became a daily thing. One day he said, “How about a photo of you naked?” I said I would try but didn’t do it. He said, “Your face doesn’t have to show. Just show me the thing and I would be good.”

Our conversation was suffering because I couldn’t do that. When we talked it didn’t flow like it used to. It felt like we were forcing ourselves to talk. I was losing the fluidity in our conversation, something that kept us going. So one evening When he insisted, I went on a porn site, looked for something closer to mine and cropped the photo until all that was left was the thing. I sent it to him and this guy jubilated as though he had won the lottery.

All night he was chatty. He was fluid and he was back to life again. He couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful my vagina looked. I felt guilty because it wasn’t mine.

I thought the score had been settled but no. He kept asking for it in different angles. He wanted it in a way he could count the hairs on it. He wanted to see colour. He wanted to see the architectural designs of it. I was disturbed. I wanted to give up on the relationship but you don’t let a good guy go just because he asked for one thing you couldn’t give, right?

I needed someone to talk and nobody came to mind except my junior sister. Apart from being a sister, she’s also a friend. She will do my fights for me, even when my parents picked on me, she was the one to fight them off me.

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When I told her everything she laughed. “Borgafoɔ relationship diɛ saaa ooo,” she said. “Me nwhɛ wo twɛ nkoaaa. Every two minutes on the phone, they want to see you naked. I don’t even know what they get from that. Is he a good guy? Do you think he’s serious about you?”

I answered yes to all her questions. She said, “If he’s genuine then we have to keep him.”

“We? How?” I asked.

“It’s photos he wants, right? Just give it to him.”

“I just told you I can’t do it because I don’t feel good about it.”

“Whenever he asks you for it and you can’t provide it, ask me, and I’ll send you some to send to him.”

“How?”

“He wouldn’t know the difference. After all, there’s no face to it.”

Each day he asked, I sent him what I got from my sister. He was very happy especially when I sent him exactly what he asked for. One day I complained about my phone’s camera. It was just an excuse to take a break from sending such photos. The following day he sent me $2000 to get a phone with a great camera. I gave my sister her share and kept the rest. I realized he had softened up. Whatever I needed, he provided as far as I kept sending photos. He said it was the only way he could connect with me and build imaginary sexual life with me.

For over a year, we’ve been doing this. The only thing we haven’t done is do it live on video because I told him I couldn’t do it because I’m uncomfortable.

He’s coming back to Ghana in two months. He has marriage intentions. He’s coming because of me. He wants to meet my family with his family so we initiate marriage. It makes me happy but somehow, I feel guilty and scared. If he’s deeply in love with me because of the photos I sent him, then he’s in love with my sister and not me. I also feel once we get intimate, he’ll notice the difference and call me out on it. I don’t know.

I want to confess to him before he comes. I want to tell him every photo I’ve sent to him was from the Internet and wasn’t mine. My sister thinks I’m being childish. She believes he wouldn’t know if I don’t tell him anything. That guy is clever. He’s intense and very observant. When I send him a photo with a different bedsheet colour, he’s able to see it and ask me how many times I change my bedsheet in a week. I feel like he’s watching the details and would even ask about those bedsheets when he comes around.

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This is my headache. I think of it deeply and the conclusion that comes to mind is: tell him before he arrives. If he loves you for you, he will understand. But I also understand my sister when she tells me I shouldn’t tell him anything. It could be true that he may not even notice it but the question is, what if he does? Better I tell him the truth myself, right? Am I being childish as my sister suggests?

–Edna