When Bright and Adwoa started dating, I was there. When he was thinking of proposing to her, he told me about it.

I asked him not to do it because of the intention he had in mind. I told him, “If the roles were reversed, you’d be heartbroken if you found out the real reason someone was dating you was for something other than the love you both thought you shared.”

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He playfully hit my shoulder and told me to stop playing dull.They started dating, and they were all over campus. Adwoa was either in our room, cooking for us and hanging out with us, or Bright was at her end.

Adwoa had another boyfriend too. He was a nurse working outside of town. He would come and visit every now and then, and if he was around, you’d know. Adwoa wouldn’t come around the hostel when he was there.

My friend didn’t eat lavishly or spend lavishly like he usually would because Adwoa was not around to pay for it. Immediately her boyfriend left, they lived extravagant lifestyles, funded by Adwoa, as if to tell the world they were making up for lost time.

Bright would come back and narrate all their adventures to me, talking about how good it was to date a woman you could get something from, instead of being the one giving something.

We graduated, and the relationship didn’t go anywhere. He used her, got his share of whatever she had, and moved on.

I heard that Adwoa got married, and you won’t believe it. It wasn’t the nurse who used to sponsor her that she married. It was an entirely different person.

Recently, Bright and I got talking again. He was telling me how Adwoa traveled to the states.

From what Bright told me, the husband had contacted a travel agent to help him secure the visa. After paying a huge amount of money and making several attempts, the travel agent apparently said the visa he could secure was specifically for a woman. Since some of the fees were non-refundable, Adwoa’s husband made the difficult decision to send his wife ahead of him so she could travel, settle down and start building a life, with the intention that he would join her later.

Bright found out that she had travelled through a TikTok video that surfaced on his feed. He contacted her, and they have been talking ever since. About what was. About what should have been. About why and how they didn’t work out. Old memories.

I asked Bright if she was responding well to his messages. He answered yes.

A woman whose husband has given her an opportunity to go abroad, live and build a life so that he can eventually join her is now having conversations with the man she used to date.

See, we often justify these communications by saying, “It’s just messages,” or, “We’re only talking.”

But words have power. Memories have power too. They can weaken us. Sharing intimate “what if” conversations with someone outside your marriage is a choice. It’s a choice to divert emotional energy away from the person who has earned it and toward someone who is offering a fantasy with no responsibility.

Whatever comes from this reunion may or may not go well.

This is some of the reason some of us are honestly afraid to enter relationships. You never know what your partner is doing when you are not around.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

You can sacrifice for someone, make plans with them, spend money on them, and make decisions based on the future you believe you are building together, only for someone from their past to suddenly appear and start having conversations with them about what could have been.

It is scary, especially in a generation where cheating has become so normalised.

And honestly, this is so disgusting.

— Daniel
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