My boyfriend, Daniel, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years. We only see each other once or twice a year. I believe I accepted his proposal because I was too young to know better. When I think about him, I am assured that I don’t like him.

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He is only 26 but quite old-fashioned. His fashion sense is nothing to write home about. It’s not as if he has the looks to compensate for his poor sense of style. He is not handsome, and short too. On top of all that, he is overprotective and controlling.

The reason I continue to stay with him is that he is a good man. He has been providing for me since I met him. I was 16 and had just entered the university then. My mother has met him and she knows we are together. He was also my first everything when it comes to love and relationships. He tells me I am his first too.

In my second year, I got close to another guy, Phillip. He knew I had a boyfriend but he didn’t mind. Eventually, Daniel’s friend found out about my new friend and reported me to my boyfriend. It created trust issues, but I convinced Daniel we were only close friends.

To restore trust in the relationship, I had to end my friendship with Philip. It didn’t solve anything. I still didn’t feel happy with Daniel. Deep down, I’ve always wanted to end things with him because we don’t match in many ways. But whenever I think about his kindness and the fact that he provides for me, I stay.

Now I am 19. Four months ago, I met someone new — John, who is 32. He’s everything Daniel isn’t: tall, handsome, sweet, mature, sincere, and a true lover boy. I’m proud to walk with him in public. From the start, he admitted he had a girlfriend back in his hometown, but he told me he wasn’t married and was still weighing his options. I loved him instantly, so I agreed to be his girlfriend.

It’s been four months of consistency, love, and amazing intimacy. Things were so intense that I moved in with him by the second month. In case you are wondering, I haven’t left Daniel. Now the two men want to marry me. I feel stuck because I am not sure whom to choose.

When I think about security and my future, Daniel fits in. He’s a marine engineer, and although he doesn’t have a permanent job yet, I know he will get one eventually. He’s kind, provides for me and my family, and has the potential to do well financially. Despite this, when I think about true love and happiness, I think of John.

The other thing is, Daniel tends to be abusive. He calls me demeaning names during arguments. He is constantly accusing me of cheating, to the extent that he has even threatened to unalive me or any guy I leave him for.

Recently, he gave me a huge amount of money to start an online crypto business. It makes me feel indebted to him. So I’ve thought about making enough money to pay him back just to have a free conscience.

With John, my problem is his girlfriend. She is someone his parents know. Their relationship isn’t as strong as ours, but it has lasted over two years, and they still talk.

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So while Daniel offers stability, provision, and future security, but comes with control, abuse, and threats, John offers love, happiness, and maturity, but he has another woman.

I don’t want to make a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Which of these men should I let go of?

—Ada

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