A conversation with three of my colleagues the other day has left me with a heavy heart and a question I can’t shake: what does marriage even mean to us anymore? Is it still a sacred covenant built on loyalty and emotional safety, or has it simply become a transaction, a cold calculation of what you can give and take?

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We were four women in the office that day. Tracy and Vee are married. Titi and I are not. We talked about a man who left his wife and their three children for another woman. He started a new family and forgot his first one completely.

Vee said it hurts to struggle with a man only for him to leave you behind. I said you can never truly know how a person will turn out. Some men cheat from the start. Others are good for years and then change. Tracy said leaving a marriage is hard, even when you are unhappy.

Then Titi said something that made me go quiet.

She said there is nothing wrong with a married man cheating, as long as he provides for his family. She said some women get their big chance in life through a married man. I told her we should not call it a blessing to be with someone else’s husband.

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That is when all three of them looked at me. They said God has many ways of blessing a woman. They said it can be through a cheating husband, as long as nobody finds out.

I was so pissed. I stopped talking and walked away.

These are women openly saying that betrayal is okay. They are making cheating sound normal and calling it a gift from God. They are ignoring the deep pain it causes. They are not thinking about the children whose lives are broken.

I was not surprised to hear this from Titi. I know she has been with married men. There have been pregnancies and secrets. But Tracy and Vee? Their own husbands could be cheating on them right now and they might not know. Yet they are defending the very thing that could be hurting them.

That conversation left me feeling troubled. I still feel troubled now.

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Is this what we have become? Do we now call betrayal a blessing? Do we think keeping a secret is smart? Is cheating fine as long as the money comes in?

I am sharing this because I want to know what other people think.

What does marriage mean now? Is it only about money and what you can get? Or is it still about truth, respect, and having a safe place for your heart?

Let us talk about this.

—Rita

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