If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

My husband didn’t give me space to operate. He was always on me, telling me what to do and what not to do when it came to the issues concerning my mom. “See, ever since she left this house, everything is peaceful around here. Don’t you see she was the instigator of our troubles? Why should you worry about someone whose only job is to bring troubles into your marriage? If you love this marriage as I do, you’ll listen to me.” 

He was speaking the truth. It was half-truth but the truth anyway. When my mother left, calm came into our lives. My husband all of a sudden had become supportive and caring. He’ll close from work and come back home as soon as possible. He’ll carry the baby while I’m in the kitchen. When the baby cries at night, he’ll wake up and pick him up and ask me to sleep. He even stopped drinking. He said, “Your mom nearly turned me into a heavy drinker. I was drinking only once in a while but because of her, I had to come home every day drunk because I didn’t know what I was coming to meet.”

I liked how he had turned out but I wanted more. I wanted to go home and talk to my mother. I wanted to bring both of them into a space where they would not see each other as enemies, even if they won’t be friends like they used to. Whenever I mentioned my mom he told me I was taking her side. I told him, “I took your side when we got married. It’s the reason I live with you and not my mom. I will always take your side but there’s one thing you need to understand. Taking your side doesn’t mean going against my mom. I can take your side and also her side. We all can win. You two were so cool, remember? Soldier one and asiw one, remember? Why would you do this to yourselves?” He said, “She started it. She started trying to bring you against me.”

I called his father and told him about it. When his father called him I was there. It turned into fireworks on the phone. He didn’t want to accept his side of the fault. He was ok pushing all the blame on my mother. His father suggested, “If you won’t let your wife go to her mom because you’re scared she’ll poison her mind, then go with her. You can use the opportunity to resolve your differences right there. She’s older than you. An elder can’t suffer for a child to be right.” He didn’t listen. He talked back at his father and even asked his father, ‘Whose side are you? Mine or their side?”

In the comments under the first story, someone suggested I should speak to a senior officer about it because soldiers respect ranks. I did. There was an officer my husband spoke highly of. I had met him once with my husband and I saw how my husband worshiped the ground he walked. It was that officer I went to. I was so shy and even felt embarrassed for sending my issues that far but I needed my marriage to work and I needed my mother to be my mother. I had to do everything to save the situation. The officer promised that he’ll talk to him. He was even surprised that my husband could act that way. “I’ve known him to be very respectful,” he said. “So how could he act like that in the house?” 

He took my number and said he’ll call me after talking to him. One afternoon my husband came home. He said, “Must you go that far with the issue? Why did you speak to him about our marital issues? How do you want him to see me?” I said, “At this point of my life, I will speak to anyone who looks like the solution. That’s how desperate I am when it comes to the issues between you and my mother.” He said, “You can’t go to her and that’s final. Eventually, she’ll snap out of her anger and she’ll seek you out. A mother can never disown her own daughter.” I answered, “Then you haven’t met my mother. She’ll do anything when she feels betrayed.” 

It looked like the officer also couldn’t change my husband’s mind but one afternoon the officer called and asked me, “How are things going after I spoke with him?” I answered, “He’s still standing on his grounds. Not ready to cede.” He told me, “He’s just being a bully. Just pack your things and go to your mom. He may try to stop you but don’t stop. He can’t do anything to you afterward. He’s just trying to be a man, allowing his ego to rule over his conscience. Just go and settle things with your mom. He can’t do anything, I’m here.”

One evening I told him, “I’m going home to see my parents tomorrow. Since I gave birth, my father hasn’t seen the baby. I will go and show him his grandson.” His voice went a pitch higher. Higher enough to break a weak eardrum; “You are not going anywhere so stop packing.” I continued packing. He screamed, “Don’t get me angry.” I continued packing. “Ok, you’ve made your position clear. You prefer bringing your mother back to destroy what we’ve built so far. Go ahead but don’t come back again afterward.” I continued packing. In the morning I told him, “I’m ready, give me money.” He laughed. He said, “This girl paaa, you’re funny. I should give you money to travel to where I don’t want you to go?”

I strapped my baby behind me, picked my bag, and was ready to go. He said, “Ok listen…I will go with you but not today. Give me a day or two to put things in order at work. We can then go together. I want to be there and listen to what your mother will say. I won’t allow her to make everything my fault.” I said, “I’m not going there to argue. I’m going to make peace. If you’re not ready, please don’t follow me there and set that place ablaze. I won’t allow you.”

Immediately my mother saw us she frowned. She left the hall and went outside. My father said, “Her witchcraft has come. Let her be.” My dad welcomed us. Carried his grandchild for the first time and listened to our reasons for coming. He was blank with my husband, “You played a huge role in this brawl. My wife likes you very much. It’s the reason she feels deeply hurt. Forget about what she did or didn’t do and apologize for your side of the mistake. I’ve berated her since she came back. She may not say it out loud but I know she has also recognized her mistakes. Let’s resolve this once and for all.” 

READ ALSO: The Love Of My Youth And The Daughter of Our Mistakes

The following day, we invited our pastor to be part of the resolution meeting. Me, my husband, my dad, my mom, and our pastor. My husband apologized but my mother didn’t want to talk. The pastor preached about forgiveness but my mother didn’t want to talk. My father talked about parental contributions to marital bliss and asked my mother to forgive but she was unmoved. My husband said, “Asiw one, say something eer. We are all waiting for you.” Then my mom smiled. She said, “Don’t call me asiw one. I’m not your asiw.” My husband repeated the asiw one again. He apologized again. My mom said, “For the sake of peace I forgive. I’m cool. I played a part too. I accept my mistake. I also apologize.” My husband screamed, Asiw ooone!” She responded, “Oh fior!”

The pastor prayed and we dispersed. Everything was good. We spent three days with them. The two of them talked. She called him soldier one again. He called her asiw one. Peace perfect peace. The day we were leaving, my dad called me on the side and said, “I’m caging my dog. Cage yours too. They’ll still hold on to the hurt of the past. Any little thing can spark wildfire between them. Your mom won’t come there again. Never. If you need anything, call his parents instead. You hear?” I said yes da.

All is well now. When my mom calls, she talks to him briefly. They exchanged how are yous and how’s life. That’s all there is. One afternoon, I went to the officer and poured my heartfelt gratitude to him for making everything possible. It’s possible. I can choose my husband’s side and still be for my mother. I can choose my mother’s side and still have my husband. The truth is there are no sides. What there is now is peace to build a family and raise a home of my own.       

–Emelia

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