This is about my ex. She’s a good person. Most of who I am today was started by her, so I hold her in very high esteem. Though it was her fault that we didn’t end up married, I hold nothing against her. We are not friends, but once in a while, we come within a space where we talk for a while and go our separate ways.

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When I was dating my wife, it became an issue—the way I related with my ex. I told her there was nothing going on between the two of us and there would never be anything again between us. She didn’t get it. She did her best to ensure I didn’t talk to my ex again, so for years, the communication between us has been far and few.

I met her recently at an event and we talked. We sat next to each other and went through the event together until it closed and we went our separate ways. While together, she mentioned that she was between jobs. She lost her last job eight months ago and it had been hard for her since.

A week afterwards, she texted to ask me to send her something, and I did. I know her well enough to understand the kind of strength she needed to gather to be able to ask for money from me. Coincidentally, there’s a job opening where I work. I’m very good with the HR, so she asked me if I could recommend someone. The first person that came to mind was my ex.

I nearly picked up my phone to call her to send her CV until my wife’s issues with her clicked. “What if my wife later finds out that my ex is working at the same office with me?”

There are so many lies I can tell to save the day, but honestly, our marriage might not be the same. My wife herself will never be the same woman I married. I can foresee her getting worried whenever I come home late from work or thinking that once we are close again, we will rekindle the dead spark.

I think about all these things, and the voice in my head whispers, “Don’t be selfish. Why are you thinking about yourself when someone who once helped you needs your help?”

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I could ask my ex to send her CV today, and tomorrow she could start working here. The salary is also very good, but at this point, do I choose the safety of my marriage or choose to help someone I’ve loved before and who had helped me before? Time is running out. I want to sit my wife down and explain the situation to her and ask her to trust me on this, but I doubt it’s going to yield any result.

Please help. What do I do?

—Addo

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