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I’m the one love has treated badly so at some point I gave up on love. I didn’t go out there looking for love and those who came my way with love intentions were avoided. You look at their faces and listen to what they say and immediately know they are after your body but not your welfare. I listened to men. I listened to them critically to know what they wanted before I opened up to them. Soon, most of them tagged me as snobbish. Even my own mother added her voice; “You think you’ll meet a good man just by staying indoors and saying no to the few who come your way? Maybe you don’t want to marry. It’s OK if you don’t want to. I’ll help you go to the sisters’ convent.”

Three years after the last bitter breakup with my ex, I decided to give another man a chance and that man was James. It was a distance relationship so it wasn’t that intrusive at first. We had the time to talk every day, trying to know each other. I knew his day and he knew mine. I knew all the people in his office by name because he wouldn’t stop talking about them. I knew the ones he liked and the ones he didn’t like. Three months after I’d said yes to him, he came to visit from Accra. That was the first time I was seeing him in years but I was pleased with whatever I saw. He lodged in a hotel closer to my house and came home to see me. I live with my parents so when he came around, I introduced him to them as a friend.

My mom liked him instantly and my dad started building a vibe with him. I looked at him and he was happy to meet my parents. I went to his hotel and stayed until it was late before I went home. He didn’t try to touch me or even make an attempt to kiss me. I wanted a kiss badly but I wasn’t the woman to initiate things like that especially when it was our first meeting. He came on a Friday and went back to Accra on a Sunday without touching even my hand. I was concerned a little bit; “He doesn’t like me that much?” “Is he disappointed about something I don’t know?” “Or that’s how he treats his women?”

I was determined to find answers to those questions so when we talked I asked him, “Is there something about me you don’t like?” He asked why I was asking that question and I explained; “When you came here, I was looking at you. You didn’t even make an attempt to kiss me. It felt like we were emotionally disconnected.” He told me he didn’t want to rush things because it was the first time and the first times are meant to get to know each other. “But we already know each other? This is not even our first time meeting so what are you talking about?”

The conversation went deeper and deeper until we found ourselves talking about sex. He confessed, “I’ve had a lot of issues with women all because of shuperu. We get ready to do it, they see my shuperu equipment and they shrink. They leave and never come back.” I asked, “They shrink? What about it that makes them shrink?” He answered, “The size. It scares them. Some of them will push me away, leave and never come back. Those who don’t see it before penetration screams out of agony and stop me midway. They too go away and never come back. The only lady who stayed with me regardless cheated on me thrice. I caught her and forgave her easily because she was the only woman who could bear it all. It got to a point, I was losing myself in the relationship so I had to let her go.”

I started thinking about the size of his equipment; “How big can it be that women will see it and shrink? Is it bigger than a baby’s head? Should I ask him to send me a photo of it so I get prepared for him?” I hadn’t seen a man in three years so I was concerned that I might also see it and run or he’ll use it on me and I will push him away out of pain. Each time we spoke on the phone I made fun of him and his big size. I told him, “It’s been three years since I saw a man ooo so please when you get me, have mercy on me.” We’ll say such things and laugh. It solidified the bond between us and it gave us something to talk about and something to laugh about.

Weeks later, he came back again. He lodged in that same hotel and that Friday night, I went to see him. After eating and showering and everything, it got to the match. I got up and turned off the light. I didn’t want to see it and get scared. In my mind, I was going to swallow a mountain and it was better I didn’t see it. When he started pushing through I felt a sharp pain so I held him up and asked him to take it slowly. I didn’t even want to touch it to get scared so I placed my hands on his chest as a way of managing how far he could go. Finally, it was in. Once it was in, I didn’t feel a thing. No pain, no discomfort. Nothing. I was looking at his face in the dark, he was almost a silhouette but I could see his face and how he was trying to do enough.

Three times it happened that night. In the morning when I was dressing up, I saw his equipment and my heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe I could take that and honestly, if I saw it, I might have shrunk and suffered him instead of enjoying him. He was sleeping when I told him I was leaving. I told him, “When you’re finally up, come home. I’m going to cook something for you.” He responded through his throat and I walked away.

It was around midday and this guy hadn’t come or called to tell me why he hadn’t come. I called his phone and he told me he had to go back to Accra because of some emergency at work. I said, “James, you should have called to tell me. I was busy in the kitchen putting things together because of you so if there’s a change of plans, at least you should have let me know.” He said he didn’t have a call credit and later said because it was an emergency he couldn’t even think straight. I told my mom he wasn’t coming and my mom took the phone to talk to him. He said the same thing to my mom. He promised he would come the following weekend.

READ ALSO: I Overheard Him Telling His Sister That I Don’t Give It To Him Enough

This guy got to Accra and his attitude towards me changed. He wasn’t calling as he used to. He wasn’t texting too. He missed my calls and later gave me excuses. He promised to come that following weekend but he didn’t. He pushed it to the next weekend but that also didn’t happen. “James, what’s happening? Is there something wrong? It’s like I don’t see you well. What’s wrong? You’ve changed since the day you were here. What has changed? Have I said something wrong? I did something you didn’t like? Maybe I was getting carried away during the action so I made some utterances you didn’t like, tell me and I’ll apologize. Let’s talk about it like we always do.”

He told me everything was fine and I shouldn’t worry. I told him I was visiting him in Accra the next weekend and he said I shouldn’t worry because he was getting ready to visit me. This new attitude continued for over a month. I got frustrated one day and I attacked the issue angrily; “James I’m not a child. I see clearly what you’re doing so you can’t fool me. You’ve gotten what you want, right? You nearly killed me that night because you knew that was going to be the last time, right? You’re very wicked to treat me this way after all the pains I have to go through that night,”

He retorted, “What pain are you talking about? Don’t make me say things. What pain? Something that you carried as if it was nothing? You even embarrassed me. As if everything I said before that day was a lie. You made me feel so small yet you told me you haven’t seen a man in three years. Do you think I believe you? You think I won’t have a second thoughts about you after the way you took it as if it wasn’t anything? I know a woman who hasn’t done it in a while and you, Jane has been sleeping around. You can’t tell me anything else.”

Indeed I didn’t say anything else apart from, “Thank you for letting me know what you think about me.” He cut the call and didn’t call again.

We were both angry and didn’t carry ourselves well as adults. I thought after some time, the anger will decimate and things will be alright. A day later, I called his phone and the feedback I had was like I’d been blocked. I called with another phone and it went through. I said, “So that’s it, right?” He cut the call when he realized it was me. Three times I used different phones to call him and he cut the lines. I got the message so I stopped worrying him but each time I think of it, I want to do something to hurt him too. I’m in pain and I won’t deny that. I haven’t been able to tell my parents what has happened because it’s too embarrassing.

Would You Allow Your Partner To Go Through Your Phone?–Beads Media

I’ve thought about taking him to a shrine to curse him for how he treated me. The unfortunate thing is, I don’t know any shrine so currently, I’m talking to friends asking if they know a place where I can get results instantly. Most of them don’t know so I’m putting it up here. I’m in Kumasi, Agric Nzema. If any of you know a place closer to me where I can get instant results, please tell me in the comment. I won’t let this slide because it wasn’t easy for me that night. Some women saw it and ran. I saw it, ate it three times in a night and he ran. That’s not fair. I will make him pay for that.

–Jane

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