When The Internet Judges Only One Side Of The Story

One of the conditions I gave him before we started seeing each other is that we wouldn’t have shuperu until marriage. He agreed to do it. But a few months into the relationship he started subtly asking for it. We would be kissing and the next thing I realize, he is unbuttoning my shirt or unzipping my jeans. When I stop him he would say, “Sorry, I got carried away.” So I was always guarded around him so he wouldn’t “accidentally” get carried away.

While I was trying hard to hold on to my virginity, I noticed that he was pulling away from me. Every time we spoke we would argue about very trivial things. This continued until he eventually broke up with me. After our break up, I sat down and thought about how our entire relationship played out. Of all the things that didn’t make sense, the reason for our breakup was in the lead. I noticed that the actual reason things didn’t work out was that he wanted shuperu but I wouldn’t give it to him.

I was in love with him, maybe more than I was determined to keep myself chaste until marriage. So I called him and asked that we work out our differences and get back together. We had a deep conversation about everything and he agreed for us to try again. A while after we got back together, I gave him the one thing he always wanted, my body. After the sex, our relationship seemed to be doing well.

My problem with him now was about his relationship with money. We were both in school but he was running a business alongside. I noticed that he had never given me a gift or offered me money just for the sake of giving. Even when I visit him and he asks, “What will you eat?” and I actually give him an answer he would get upset. During one of my visits, he asked what I want and I said I would eat fufu. This guy got angry, “Don’t you know that I am saving money for your birthday? The least I will spend on buying fufu for you is GHC10. It’s expensive.” I didn’t ask to eat anything worth GHC100, just GHC10.

I remember I went to his place once to cook. I ended up using half of the water in his small barrel. When he noticed it he complained, “What at all did you use the water for? You know the tap doesn’t flow in this house. I buy water from the public tap.” I was surprised he reacted that way because I used the water to cook for him. All that aside, by the time we completed school his business was doing very well. So he suggested that I stay back for my national service. It was a good plan because, after national service, I could work with him until I get a job.

Unfortunately for us, my mother overheard me talking on the phone about our plans and objected to it. When the posting came, I had to apply for reposting upon my mother’s request. I got a region that was close to home but six to eight hours drive from my boyfriend’s place. It was not an ideal situation but I got to live on my own so I took it as a win. Living alone meant I could go see him whenever I got the opportunity. Throughout my visits to him, this guy never offered to pay for my transportation. He knew how our national service allowance delayed yet he couldn’t be bothered. Did I already mention that his business was thriving?

I believed he expected me to ask him for money before he would give me. But I am not the type to ask men for money so I couldn’t ask him. I was not happy about his attitude but I saw it as a shortcoming that could be worked on. I funded my visits to his place till our national service ended. I decided to pay him one last visit because I wouldn’t get the chance when I returned home. When I got to his place, I noticed this guy hadn’t done his laundry for three months. He was waiting for me to come and do them for him. I didn’t complain. The next morning I woke up and washed everything.

I stayed with him for a month. The entire time I was there I was cooking, cleaning, and doing his laundry. Before I left for my mum’s place he told me, “I promise to send you money every month to take care of your needs until you get a job.” I was happy that he offered to do this for me on his own. I didn’t ask him or try to have a conversation with him about it. He even said he would give me money to use to transport my items from my place to my mum’s. I believed him but in the end, a leopard cannot change its spots. The only thing he did was buy me a bus ticket back home. He didn’t even give me money to buy food on the way.

When I got home, my sister’s husband helped me to move my things back to my mum’s. It didn’t surprise me when he didn’t send me any money for my upkeep as promised. I busied myself with helping my mother to sell at the market, so I got some money for myself. During this period he told me, “I want to marry you as soon as possible so I am saving toward it.” Because of this, I didn’t want to do anything to rock the boat. Even when he didn’t get me any present on my birthday I didn’t complain. I wanted to save my four-year relationship at all costs.

One day I woke up and realized my phone’s screen had gone blank. I sent it to the repairs and I was told I had to replace the entire screen. I called Ibs on my analog phone and told him what was going on. He asked me to send the phone to him so he would fix it for me. I wanted to send it to him via bus but he had another option. One of our colleagues who lived in my neighborhood was supposed to go to campus, so he suggested I give the phone to the guy. It took one month for this colleague of ours to finally make the trip to campus.

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After he received the phone, I had to put pressure before he took it to the repairs. After the phone was fixed he called me, except the voice on the phone was not his. It was a different guy. He said, “Madam, I have finished fixing your phone. Send me the money for the repairs and let me send the phone to you.” I was confused so I asked, “Why are you calling me? Where is the owner of the phone?” The supposed repairer told me the owner of the phone was not around. I told him to have the owner call me when he returned.

Later he called me saying the repairer wanted to speak to me so he let him use his phone to call me. I told him, “You are explaining yourself because of guilt. What is the point of you working when you can’t spare some money to fix my phone for me? Were you not the one who asked me to send the phone to you?” He got angry, ” My mother is sick. I had to borrow money this morning to send her to the hospital, and you expect me to pay for your phone repairs?” That’s what he does always. He uses his mother as a cover for his stinginess. This time around I didn’t let him get away with it. I refused to pay for the phone so he paid for it and sent it to me.

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Later, I felt guilty for the way I handled things so I apologized to him. Nonetheless, I noticed that he was gradually pulling away from me. I was the one who made the phone calls and initiated conversations. It started to feel like I was in the relationship alone. So I asked him what was going on. He said, “Were you not the one who said, I am more useless than a jobless person?” I didn’t remember saying that but I apologized to him anyway. Even after the apology he was still holding on to that statement that I never even said. All I said was that I didn’t see the point of him having a job if he couldn’t spare some money to fix my phone. I told him, “If you can’t forgive me then let’s not drag this out. I wish you all the best in life.”

After this conversation, he went to post on a social media group that I told him a useless jobless person is better than him. I don’t have a problem with his post but I don’t know why he did not post the exact words I said. Now, a group of strangers who don’t know the full story have judged me and called me all sorts of names. I am hurt by all of this but I know I will heal soon and all of this will be behind me. I am only sharing my side of the story here because I need an outlet for my pain. I look forward to time making things better for me.