I lost my job after I gave birth to our firstborn. I went back to the office and they didn’t want me in my role again. The person who replaced me was a relative of the owner of the company and the owner didn’t want to push her aside so they assigned me to a lower role which I protested. I made a case to HR and she told me point-blank that her hands were tied. I was forced to take the lower role and I grudgingly accepted while waiting for an opportunity to leave. 

After that incident, my working place became toxic for me. I was placed under serious scrutiny for little things. One day I made a complaint to HR and they asked me to resign. Again, she told me it was a request coming from above. 

I resigned from my position and came back home to take care of my kid. My husband wanted to do something for me at all costs so I could begin life again. We thought of selling, we thought of opening a shop, we thought of travelling outside to import stuff to sell. Finally, we agreed on importing stuff we could sell easily. Someone introduced us to a person who was an expert in the importation business. We gave him money and he brought the goods to us. We did the business for over a year and everything was going on very well. 

We were selling everything within the shortest possible time and the returns were good. We kept investing more to gain more within a very short period. I needed hands to help me manage the business so my husband resigned from his work and came to help with the business. We got a store where we were going to sell wholesale. We brought other people on board with the view of expanding the business once my husband was on board. After doing all that, we sent the rest of our money to the importer to bring us some goods and for six months we didn’t hear from the importer.

All efforts to track him proved futile. We didn’t have any money left. All we had were an empty warehouse, an office and employees to pay. In our last attempt to salvage what was left, we went for a loan from a bank to continue with the business. We paid for goods to be shipped to Ghana. Before the goods could come, COVID struck and we were out of business even before the goods could reach the shores of Ghana. We had nothing left but debt to pay. The bank was chasing us up and down so we had to sell some properties off; a plot we were building on, a car and other items. We had to sell them cheaply so we could raise money.

When our next rent was due, we couldn’t pay. I was pregnant with our secondborn and had no hopes of any good things coming our way. I remember asking my husband, “So what next?” He looked dead into my eyes and responded, “I don’t know. Maybe we should go back home.” 

“Back home,” he meant going to live with his family. We had no option. Life is like that. Sometimes, you go back to where it all started. The bull always goes back before its heaviest kick. 

I was six months pregnant when we began packing our things to his family house. His father had died years ago so it was left with his mom and his junior sister in the house. It is a four-bedroom house so there was enough space for us to occupy. We went back home to rethink our lives and bounce back. That was the idea but we got there only for my husband to forget about everything and instead lived like a child in his mom’s house.

He would wake up and forget what it was to be a man. He’ll turn the TV on and watch from morning till evening without going out there to look for a job. I thought he was giving himself some time to rest but after four months and with a new baby, I couldn’t sit and watch him do that. I started pushing him to get up and look for something to do. Some days he would give me excuses. Another time he would get angry and throw his weight about. When I needed money to buy baby stuff, he would go to his junior sister and borrow money from her. He borrowed until his sister stopped lending him money. His mom didn’t have anything yet he borrowed from her.

Nobody respected him in the house. They will finish cooking cassava, his junior sister would be watching TV while he pounds the fufu. He couldn’t contribute money so he had to contribute his energy. When they needed someone to run an errand, he was the one they called. He was the one filling the gas cylinder, doing the repair works in the house and fanning the coal pot when banku was on fire. He was the one they sent to buy charcoal. The sad thing was, he didn’t see anything wrong with that.

In the night we would talk. I would remind him of the reason we came to live there; “Dear, we didn’t come here for a holiday. We are here to put our lives back together. Once the baby gets dry, I will go out there and look for a job. You should be out there looking too and not sit here to be pushed around. You’re not a child.” He’ll pretend to be listening to me but the following day, he’ll go back doing the same thing. 

One day, his sister’s money got missing and they accused him of stealing it. He didn’t do it and I knew it. He had been my husband long enough so I knew when he was lying. When he told them he didn’t take the money, I knew he was telling the truth but his sister insisted he took it. His mother also agreed and during the argument, they brought me into it; “You stole the money and gave it to your good-for-nothing wife, right? Doesn’t she have hands? Can’t she work? Why should you steal for her?” 

They didn’t know I could hear them but I did. When we went back to sleep that day, I cried, begging him to go out there and find something to do. “I have a baby but I’ve started looking for something. Are you not ashamed that I pay fees for the kid when you don’t even know where I get the money from? I take them to the hospital and I pay the bills but you don’t care to ask where I got the money from because you’re not ready to earn it on your own. My parents are getting tired of providing for us and the kids. They want me back home but I’m here because I want to leave here with you someday and go into our own house. Shake yourself, Osei. Let the man in you speak. He has been silent for far too long.”

I got a job with the help of a friend. The friend was helping both of us to get a job but when she did, my husband complained the salary was too low so he wouldn’t do it. I took the job because it could pay for something. Not everything but something that could lessen our burden.

I started working and for some reason, his mom and sister thought I was earning millions so they started asking me to pay bills. I will pay for water today and the next bill will be for gas. Light would go off and they will wait for me to recharge. “Osei, speak for me. I’m your wife. Tell them how much I earn. Tell them it’s not even enough to take care of the kids, let alone pay bills. Fight for your family, you’re a man.” 

He looked helplessly into my face and nodded. I knew he wasn’t going to do anything about it and he didn’t disappoint me. I went home one day to rant to my dad. He had always told me to come back home but I didn’t because I didn’t want to leave my husband at his lowest. Also, I felt his life would come to an end if I left with the kids. He would give up on himself and waste the days of his life doing nothing. That was my fear and it was the reason I didn’t want to leave.

But that day my dad said something different and I saw his point. He told me, “He’s a man and he needs a hand to get up on his feet. You’re trying but he’s not taking your hand because it’s the wrong kind of hand you’re giving him. Take the kids and walk away. Come back home and he’ll one day come back to his senses when he realizes that he’s losing the last meter of his manhood. Just leave for him to live as a man.” I asked, “You don’t mean I should leave the marriage, right?” He answered, “No you’re not leaving the marriage but you’re going to paint a picture of divorce in his mind. He loves you so he’ll fight back.”

It was a Sunday morning. When I was dressing the kids up he thought we were going to church until I told him, “I’m leaving this house. My parents have a house too. I’m going back to them. At least, they’ll protect and take care of us. The little I earn can cater for the rest of our needs when my parents come in.” He got furious! “How could you make such a decision without consulting me? What kind of embarrassment is that? If you don’t know and step out of this house, the marriage is over. You can’t disrespect me. I’m still your husband.

I said softly, “Then act like a husband. Until then, we are gone.” 

He thought his words could stop me. I said goodbye to his mom and sister and left while they stood there watching us leave. I was dead scared that I was going to lose him but I did it anyway. I was crying while walking away but he didn’t see the tears because he was watching my back as I walked out of the gate and off.

READ ALSO: Who Do I Choose? My Father Or My Happiness?

Five months later, we were talking on the phone when he said, “I’ve had a job. It’s not that much but at least, it takes me away from the house so I will take it like that.” I didn’t even ask what the job was about. I screamed, “Take it. Half a loaf is better than none.” He asked me to give the phone to the first child and I did. He said, “Dad has a job now. I will work hard and come for you soon ok? Take good care of mom for me.” I said to myself, “He’s back. He’ll dream again and we’ll be fine.” When I told my dad about it he was happy too but he said, “Stay your ground. Don’t move until he makes a big move.” 

“What’s a big move?”

“Just wait and see, every man makes that move when they want their family back.”

I was praying for him. I was calling him often to ask if he was ok. On weekends, I’ll visit him to see if something has changed. If he had made that big move. Things were improving. He was buying new things for his room and decorating his space. I asked my dad if that qualified to be a big move and he said no. “Big move isn’t about what benefits only him but what benefits the family.”

One day he called. He said, “I have a new place. Let’s go and see if you like it. It’s not that huge but we can manage until something big comes up.” I followed him to the place and I liked it instantly. The family wasn’t big yet so we could use a chamber and hall self-contain. He asked me, “So when should we move in?” I told him, “I’ll tell you when I get home.”

I asked my father, “Is that a big move?” He said, “It’s for the whole family. That’s the move I was talking about. Every man works for a home when he’s ready for a family. It’s not about the size of the house. Houses are not homes. It’s a home only when you all can be together and find peace.

My Husband Enjoys Watching The Nakedness Of His Mother–Beads Media

Two years later, we don’t have it all but we have the family together and my husband has changed jobs twice. This new one is better. I’ve changed jobs too. What I’m doing now is better than the one I was forced to resign from. We are saving money. We will start another business together, this time with all the lessons we’ve learnt from past failures and I believe we’ll succeed. 

Our marriage is way better now. I talk and he listens to me. He talks and I listen. The fact that we communicate our feelings openly and without reservations makes me happy all the time. It means we don’t have to go to bed angry and with unresolved issues. we’ve been through a lot already and the least gift we can give to each other is a soft heart that obeys and it’s transparent.

–Luciana

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