I’m sharing this story because of a story I read here a few days ago. A lady called Rita shared a story about her boyfriend who wants to move in with her. My story is very similar. I had been dating Alfred for only two months when I finally invited him home. The moment he stepped into my house—a very big compound with huge halls and high ceilings—this man froze. Then he asked: “You live in this big house all by yourself? Ei, are you not scared?” I smiled and said, “I’m fine. I like big spaces.”

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Suddenly, Alfred became a man of needs. He started making subtle demands. “Babe, my phone is misbehaving,” or “Babe, I need a loan. I’ll pay you back in no time.” A man who had never complained before suddenly had financial emergencies every week. It didn’t end there. He started bringing his items and leaving them behind, just like it happened in the story I read a few days ago. First, it was a toothbrush. Then a pair of slippers. Then a T-shirt. Then one day, I saw a pair of sneakers sitting under my bed like a tenant who had already paid a deposit.

That was when my antenna went up. I stopped everything I was doing with him and paid attention to his moves and requests.

Then one evening, he finally dropped the bomb: “Mansa, you live in this huge house alone and I’m paying rent somewhere. Let me move in so we can speed up the marriage process.”

I didn’t react. I simply smiled and said, “Great idea! My rent expires next month. It’s GHC2,500 per month, two years in advance. We can split it. You pay this year, I’ll pay next year.”

He smiled, but the smile had a stroke. He answered, “Oh, saa? Wow, let’s see what happens. I’ll get back to you on that.” Then, like a thief in slow motion, he started removing his things from my house one by one. First, the toothbrush disappeared. Then the slippers. Then the towel. Like a man relocating to his original destiny. One day I looked around and everything of his was gone. No explanation. Everything just evaporated. I wasn’t surprised when the relationship ended shortly after.

I lied. I didn’t rent that house. It belonged to my parents. I was only testing him to see if he could place money where his heart is, and the test exposed his real intention.

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So to the lady who shared that story days ago and said she was torn between letting him in or not, here’s my advice to you. Be careful of men who rush to move in with you. Some don’t love you; they are looking for a heart to break and a house to live in rent-free. Shine your eyes. Not every man who leaves a toothbrush in your bathroom wants to marry you. They are in love with your address and not your heart. It’s called tenant-ship and not a relationship.

—Broni

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