It’s not a feeling I particularly like—boredom. So, I would do anything to snap out of it. That’s what drove me to Facebook Messenger one day. And it’s the same boredom that pushed me to respond to messages in my inbox. A lot of those messages came from guys. Different guys different reasons. To while away time, I decided to respond to a few of them. Kwame was very responsive that day so we talked a lot. He wanted my WhatsApp number and I said no. He said, “I won’t bother you, trust me. Just let me be one of your status viewers. I won’t complain.” He was very persuasive so I caved in. I gave him my number and took his.

Our conversations on WhatsApp followed a certain pattern. We didn’t have a lot to say after crossing the how are you. It was always snappy. Like we were in a hurry to say bye-bye to each other. At some point, we started talking on the phone. I found that enjoyable. We talked about a lot of things when we were on the phone. We talked about life and living it. We talked about our future plans, where we go from here. Anything at all that crosses our minds, we spoke about it. One day he asked, “Are you in a relationship with anyone?” I answered, “Yes, but nothing serious.” A month later he proposed. I wanted us to remain friends and get to know each other better but he wouldn’t have it. He made a lot of promises; “Listen to me. I’m not one of the guys who go around breaking hearts. Try me and you would have no regrets.”

His words were solid and smacked of sincerity so I opened up about my past, and he promised we wouldn’t repeat patterns.

It bothered me that we met on Facebook. Someone I hadn’t met or seen physically. But I looked into the future and thought of how beautiful our story would be if we should end up married. “It started from the inbox, now here we are.” This gave me the will to give it a try.

As time went on, I could think about nothing else but him. I thought of him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I was in love with a Facebook boy—someone I hadn’t seen before. The best part was, he was in love with me too. After meeting so many frogs along the way, I finally found Mr. Right. We made plans for the future. I spoke to his friends over the phone, and he spoke to mine. Things were looking good.

The first time we met was when he came to Kumasi, where I lived. School was on vacation so I could make the time to see him. We spent three hours sitting in a restaurant, talking over food and drinks. I enjoyed every moment. From there, our love grew so deeply that we traded secrets.

One day, he told me his mom wants to speak with me and I said “REALLY?” he laughed and said “Yes. It’s time the two most important women in my life get to know each other.” This was a big moment for me. A milestone, if I may call it. His mother asked me so many questions, and I was just happy to talk to her. From all indications, she liked me very much. She said, “I can’t wait to meet you.” I responded, “Same here. I look forward to meeting you in person.”

When it was time for me to do my national service, my father’s finances were not good. I was posted in a town far away from my home, which meant I had to pay for rent. My parents were able to raise the money I needed for the rent, and I used my savings to buy some necessities. I didn’t ask my boyfriend for money, but he offered to buy my provisions, and I was thankful. The first thing I did when I got to my station was put everything down and travel to Accra to see him. That’s one of the good things that came with national service—the freedom to do whatever I wanted. Travel wherever I wanted to. I went to see Kwame. My visit to him was actually my first time in Accra. I thought the journey was long and tiring but when love sends you, you can’t complain.

After that visit, I made sure that I travel to Accra every weekend to spend the weekend with him. During one of my visits, I craved biscuits, so I asked him to be a darling and get some for me.  He said, “Go and get it yourself”

“Babe pleeaase, I am really tired, and I can’t go out in these clothes”

He didn’t mind me. I felt he was being inconsiderate, looking at the work I’ve done around the house—cooking cleaning, and all that. I got angry and decided not to talk to him. I didn’t respond when he called my name. It was our first fight and I was about to see the other side of him. The next morning, he gave me the cold shoulder. He said “I never knew you could do such a thing all because of biscuits. You didn’t talk to me throughout the night because I didn’t buy you a biscuit? It was my money you were going to spend too.” I apologized but it didn’t make any difference.

After that incident, his behavior changed.

Getting him to talk to me was a chore. He still held on to the biscuits issue, even though I apologized. His behavior hurt me so much that I spoke to his friends about it. She went to talk to him but nothing changed. I waited for him to find his way back to me. It was difficult but I waited.

Finally, he came around. He said he missed me, but he wouldn’t let me visit him when I asked to see him. We argued. In the middle of the back and forth, he blurted out that he slept with another girl. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe properly. My heart didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to lose him, so I played it cool. I asked him, “Why did you do it?” He shut me down. In the end, all I told him was, “Please don’t do it again.”

READ ALSO: Who Will Marry A Woman Like Me? Probably No One

The next morning, I asked him how he would have felt if I was the one who cheated. He brought back the biscuit issue. He said the incident hurt him so bad it was the reason he found solace in another woman.

From there, things got worse. I called him but he was on a different call. He didn’t return my call. This continued for days. The next time I called, I used a friend’s phone. He picked up. When he heard my voice, he got angry and hung up. I didn’t call him for a while, and he didn’t call either. I made my friends call him to apologize on my behalf. He still didn’t listen. He later told a friend that I acted immaturely and he expects me to apologize.

I did exactly that. I was the one he cheated on but I ended up apologizing. What won’t we do for love? After apologizing for everything that happened, he said, “It’s over. I don’t think we can continue this relationship. I have flaws. I don’t see you keeping up with those flaws so let’s break up.”  Breaking up is what I don’t want. I’m ready to make it work. I would go every mile to have him back so when his mother called me I told her about the break-up and told her Kwame cheated on me and later broke up with me. I think his mother confronted him and he didn’t like it. He called and yelled at me, telling me all sorts of things.

It was obvious I was losing him so I called my mother and asked her to apologize on my behalf. My mother called him and apologized. I also called and reminded him of the love we shared and the little moments that meant so much to me. It didn’t change anything. He wants to be friends. He said I can’t accept his flaws. I’m ready to make amends and make it work. I really love him, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. Please tell me. What should I do to get him back to how things used to be?

—Obenewaa

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG