If you put me in a room full of ladies, I would not come out as one of the top five beautiful ones. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t. People have said I am beautiful, but it mostly comes from men, and sometimes, we know how these men can lie to get what they want. But what I lack in beauty, my brain makes up for. This makes choosing a boyfriend hard because these people normally don’t see the heart. It is the face they see before they make a move.

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And there is the fact that I grew up in a broken home. I don’t have any model marriage to look up to, so I never really believed in marriage or relationships. But somehow, with growth, I understood that it works differently for everyone.

In 2019, I met Prosper and we started dating. Some months into it, I fell pregnant. He didn’t deny it or try to run away from his responsibilities.

“I will do right by you and the child.”

But we had to separate. There was no two ways about it. He accepted his responsibility, but that was about it. No calling to check up on me, no sending money, no visiting. It was all talk without action. The very things he said he would do to ensure I was comfortable during the pregnancy, he wasn’t doing. Not that he didn’t have the means to do so. He just wasn’t willing to.

I mean, he’s a young, brilliant man, but he didn’t like to hustle. He is a very big dreamer.

“I’d become the managing director of this bank, of that bank. I’d be the board chairman of this, of that.”

Meanwhile, he sat around waiting for these same big opportunities to come to him.

I spoke to him about it. I told him, “Dear, you have big dreams, but they won’t walk to you. You have to strive towards them.”

It didn’t work, so I switched to quarrelling with him and hoped he would see my point. It opened a can of worms in our relationship. I saw the man he truly was when he was angry, the way his voice rose through the roof, and what vision he had for us.

A person who lacks ambition is dangerous, and a man who lacks vision, you swerve him with all your might. As a visionary person, it was a big red flag for me, and I had to walk away for my peace of mind.

Aside from that, I didn’t have the biggest form of love for him. It was just a surface kind of like I had for him, and to me, that was not enough because I understood there was more to it that I was supposed to give him. I only dated him because I was attracted to his face and he ticked some boxes of mine.

Our kid is five years now, and we are not together. There has been no child support from him in the last few years, but I don’t mind. My family is very helpful. God bless them. I am even back in school.

The problem is, I have noticed a pattern. I am not very patient when it comes to dealing with men. I don’t know why. I quickly notice the vibe and intentions, and somehow, my mind or soul, as I term it, just shuts the person out and I move on with no drama. Even if I struggle to continue, it never ends well.

I didn’t date after him until last year, when I tried dating and ended up dating four men. None of them exceeded one month in a relationship or even the talking stage. I just ghost them and move on. I always find something that kills my spirit.

I don’t know if this has happened to anyone or if there is anyone who knows someone with a similar case.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I really want to date a good man. I receive proposals here and there, but I don’t know the reason I can’t seem to pick or settle on one. Maybe there is something I am doing wrong that I am unable to point out.

How do I go about this? Whatever is wrong has to end with me.

— Kate

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