This is not the time I expected to share our story. I wanted to wait till we were married so that it would be a happy story. But here I am, as confused as the next person. Kofi is a good guy. Although he is two years older than me, I am the baby in the relationship. He acts mature enough for the two of us. Everything I try to do for myself, he shows me unwavering support. That’s one thing I love about him.
Our story began when a mutual friend introduced us. We were both in relationships at the time so we were just friends right from the beginning. However, six years ago we both found ourselves single and attracted to each other. That was when our love story was birthed. I was twenty-three while he was twenty-one. We’ve come a long way since that time.
When things became official between us in 2019, we were doing a long-distance relationship. Because of this, I didn’t expect us to last. I was even convinced what we felt for each other was lust and not love. However, we are in 2024 and we are still going strong. I don’t have any specific problem with him, apart from the fact that he is not ready to settle down.
Kofi is patient, quiet, gentle, and caring. I never thought about marriage until I started dating him. He is exactly the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I believe he is also the perfect man for me to have babies. I have never seen his type before, to be honest.
I remember when I had to travel but didn’t have enough money to pay for the expenses. Kofi stood in for me and got a loan on my behalf. Even after I returned from my travels and still needed a loan, he helped me to secure one. I am almost done paying all those loans as I type this.
If things are going so well with Kofi then why am I here? Well, I suppose this is where I talk about Kojo. He is an older guy I met a while back. He calls me often but I don’t give him much attention. I know he wants to have a relationship with me so I had wanted to cut him off at first. However, I have thought things through and I have decided I want him to be in the picture. This is where I need help.
I am not someone who entertains other men while I’m in a relationship. Kojo is the first man I have even kept as a friend since I started dating Kofi. I believe the reason has to do with his age. This man is eight years older than me. Unlike Kofi who is not ready to settle down, Kojo is.
I even told him about Kofi but he still talks to me about our future. He is so calm and seems like a good person. I haven’t dated him so I don’t know if he maintains the same energy when he is dating.
As for Kofi, our six years together have shown me that we are emotionally compatible. We share similar dreams except when it comes to marriage. When I see videos of couples who are happy together, he is the one I think about. We dream of going on fancy vacations. I don’t think he would ever leave me but the only progress we’ve made in this relationship is the love, bond, and consistency we share.
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Those things were enough for me initially but now I’m looking for more. Although I am not financially independent, I want us to have some form of commitment. If he had come to officially meet my family and declared his intention to marry me, I would have accepted it. I even asked him to give me a ring to show that I am taken but he refused. I also proposed that we have a baby together. He didn’t accept that one too.
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Kofi likes to pull surprises so sometimes if he is planning to surprise me with the kind of commitment I am looking for. I want to believe our relationship is heading somewhere but so far I haven’t seen anything in that regard.
There’s a saying that, don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband. Kofi is perfect but he hasn’t popped the question. Kojo is new but he is ready to give me the kind of commitment I want. I am stuck. What if I keep waiting for Kofi to be ready but he never gets ready for me? What if Kojo is the man I am meant to marry but I push him away because of Kofi? How do I handle this situation? I am not getting any younger.
—Maabena
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Let kofi know your stance. Give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t comply then you leave him alone. Communication they say is the key. If the Communication doesn’t work then my dear into the future we go. Follow your heart and don’t forget to pray.
Mmmmh this is interesting, please kindly have an open discussion with Kofi, please make him understand your feels,let him see the seriousness in that communication. If he still doesn’t move then you have to think twice, please don’t jump into conclusions because just like you said,he likes surprises,he may surprise you. Don’t forget to pray about it as well.
In as much as Kofi is failing to commit don’t let your desperation push you to Kojo. Let Kofi in about your fears which are genuine and give him an ultimatum. If he fails to meet it end it and open yourself up to new possibilities including Kojo. But no pressure. Take your time and convince yourself about the new person before you commit.
Well you said Kojo seems like a good guy… that statement alone I think is a no. Throughout the whole story you talked of seeing yourself getting married to Kofi anytime you think of marriage. That’s something you should take note of. Any one you don’t see the future with especially marriage is not worth it. What’s the guarantee that that older man you talk of is not a man child. Talk to Kofi. Have candid conversations with him. Don’t give him an ultimatum yet. Just water the ground first. Prep his mind towards marriage but don’t pressure him. Limit your contact with Kojo otherwise you’d be more confused. Just when something good is about to happen the devil creates confusion to steer us off course. Be prayerful concerning your future. Don’t let desperation blind you. All the best.
I agree with Millie perfectly. No pressure and no ultimatum.
Good character is a major ingredient in marriage, of which you’ve said it all about Kofi.
Don’t let the age factor be a problem in your decision making. You can have a good marriage with your age difference, it all depends on you guys.
Communicate with Kofi on the way forward and If possible limit your contact with Kojo to avoid more confusion.
Stay blessed.