I am a nurse, a good one, and I am here because my heart is in shatters. Here is the thing. I am currently dating two men who are both amazing in their own ways. Oh, so amazing. However, I am facing a dilemma. A big one.
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The man I actually want to marry has not proposed yet. I really do not know why he is sulking and dragging his feet like some reluctant bride. The other man is someone I am not truly interested in starting a serious relationship with. At all. No. He will be thirty-seven soon, and I am approaching my thirties, which makes me very anxious. Usually, all these things are supposed to be planned out. I was supposed to be married by twenty-five, have a child and a darling husband by thirty. Only then would the sun orbit properly around the planet.
The man I am considering is great overall, but I feel a lack of attraction because he is quite short, and I am tall. So you see the imbalance. Whenever we are intimate, there is a physical mismatch that makes things awkward. I am tall, he is short, and I find myself faking enthusiasm. I worry that my friends will laugh at me for being with someone shorter. I mean, they all know the plan was never to marry a short man. Besides this, he does not have a good sense of style. I have tried sending him videos and pictures of how I would like him to dress, but he has not changed. It is not that he cannot afford it. He earns over ten thousand dollars and comes from a financially stable background, and his parents sometimes support him.
Additionally, I do not agree with his religion, but we manage to get along. He is generous, kind, and a peacemaker, which are wonderful qualities. However, I am feeling pressured because of my age. Being close to thirty, I feel my options may be limited.
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Another concern is that if this shorter man were to cheat on me, it would be incredibly painful. I cannot bear the thought of it. Let us say I consider you, walk down the aisle, agree to be your wife, and you cheat on me? Me? Me, who has considered you? That is an abomination. I know it sounds strange, but I think it would be easier to handle if a tall, handsome man were unfaithful instead. I am not trying to discriminate—we all have our preferences.
I know it sounds strange, but I think it would be easier to handle if a tall, handsome man were unfaithful instead. I am not trying to discriminate. We all have our preferences. Some want a partner who is plus size, some want someone short, and some want someone tall. Some want to marry a pastor, and some would rather die than marry one. Some want a poor man, some want a rich man. You see? Choices. So do not judge.
But sometimes it gets to the point where we settle, and the truth is, I do not want to settle for less and regret it all at the end.
Yet, I also wonder if I could grow to love him after marriage because he truly is a good man, and I believe his love for me is genuine.
But I am afraid that if I lose him, I might not find anyone else like him. Please, what should I do? I need to get this matter settled.
—Cathy
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Dear Cathy,
One is inclined towards believing that this write-up is to rouse arguments or perhaps some form of a conversation starter.
If you truly wrote this, then indeed you must be confused, amongst other things.
To respond to your questions, have you considered the possibility that neither of these two you described may even be your husband?
Have you considered that you may not be prepared at this time to be married? I entreat you to research or speak to certified marriage counselors on how to prepare for marriage (if that is your goal/even your calling to begin with). It is only after this that you may have a better SELF-ASSESSMENT and AWARENESS of whether or not marriage is the thing for you, and if you want to enter into it with these two, or any other.
I wish you the best in your efforts and search.
Hi Carthy, your write up and concerns are valid. However, can you leave the short man for those who maybe interested in him? Connect me to the man you describe as being shorter than you. I don’t know how you are going to connect the two of us, I mean myself and the man you claim is shorter than you and you feel no attraction. But I’m sure there’s definitely a way, kindly send me his phone and email contact details via [email protected]
We are grateful for your kind connection. Thank you.
@Bruwaa is right.
You cannotnbe this superficial about somethingnas serious as matriage. Amd frankly, you are focused on all the wrong things. What you said thay stood out for me as a red flag was differences in religion but as superficial as you are, you can rather manage that.
You don’t like the guy and you are not willing to make any effort. Are you the first tall girl to date a short man? They all make it work sexually, just as it is when a tall guy dates a short girl. Don’t marry that guy because you will end up being the one to cheat on him, as you are already doing. Don’t waste his time. He deserves better.
The problem here is you. You think you’re doing the short man a favor by dating him meanwhile he might be putting all his love and effort into someone who thinks so lowly of him. Just because you’re turning 30 doesn’t mean you should settle for anything that’s how people end up in bad marriages and in this case you’d be the bad partner because already we know that you’re a cheater and that’s why you’re thinking about him cheating on you when you’re “considering” him. Figure out what you want because you’re clearly trying to enter a marriage with the wrong reasons. Life doesn’t end because you’re unmarried at 30. Good luck.
Don’t marry the short man out of pitty , u are not better than him just because he is short, what of president Nana Addo his wife is far taller than him what of that one , will u consider it as a pitty
Leave the short man alone. Do not waste his time and money. You sound very confused
Why consider someone’s son? why talk about a full grown man with so much pity?
please relax for yourself 30 is no death sentence don’t marry the man and frustrate him leave him to find someone who will value him and not consider him.
Will u be happy if u were been considered?
Don’t marry the short man, you will chest on him with a tall man
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You see the short man as a convenience and just that so leave him alone and don’t go bearing your frustrations on him later when you are married.
A you call the other guy dating when he hasn’t proposed?
I guess he thicks your physical check boxes and you are allowing him scratch your each so you consider him a potential.
He’s just in for what you are offering and when he’s tired, would turn elsewhere.
A relationship starts with a proposal so for now, I believe you are friends with benefits.
Grow up and start all over again with the right person.
Thirty is not a death sentence