My relationship with Nana Kofi was like watering a plastic plant every morning. Water is good for plants but plastic plants have no use for it. That is how it felt pouring my love and affection into a man who did not love me back. What did I not do to prove my love for him? I was only a girlfriend but I performed wife duties for him. I cooked, cleaned, did his laundry, supported him and pushed him to achieve his goals, and made my body available to him whenever he needed me.

He in turn treated me as if I was the ex-girlfriend who broke his heart many years ago. He withheld every form of affection from me. I would try so hard and get nothing out of him. He made sure I paid for the sins of his old love. In the beginning, I thought I could patiently wait for him to see my efforts and reciprocate them but as time went on I realised it wasn’t going to happen.

One day I called him and had a conversation with him. “Are you happy with the relationship we have?” He shook his head, “Honestly, I am not. I know you are trying so hard to make things work. I am the one who is holding back and I see how that hurts you.” “So why won’t you do better? Is it because you don’t love me?” I asked him. He went quiet for a while before saying, “The truth is, I don’t. I have realised that I am too afraid to get hurt so I have closed my heart to love.” It hurt to hear him admit that he didn’t love me but it was better than being strung along. “Thank you for finally telling me the truth. Now I can move on. Goodbye.”

After the break up I was a mess for a while. Losing someone you love hurt, even if they didn’t love you back. While I was working on getting better, an acquaintance of mine expressed interest in me. Shelter and I had been crushing on each other for about three years. I had a boyfriend so I never fed that crush. He on the other hand, I don’t know why it took him three years to make a move. I was too depressed at that time to consider a relationship so he stood by me as a friend.

Nana Kofi and I were in the same class so life on campus became quite unbearable after things ended. That was why it took me forever to heal. I would be doing well until I see him in class, then our memories would cut me and the pain would start all over again. What made matters worse was that most of my friends were people I met through him. So they all left me and stuck to him. Thankfully, Shelter came into the picture and offered me a shoulder to cry on.

When I got better, I agreed to date him. It wasn’t out of gratitude for his comfort. I had fallen in love with him over the time we were spending together. Our relationship was nothing like I had experienced before. He was good to me. He treated me with respect and love. He introduced me to his family and they were also kind to me.

We didn’t introduce shuperu into the relationship until after a year. That was when I found out that he has erectile and ejaculatory dysfunction. His joystick couldn’t stay hard for just one minute. It also took a long time to get him hard. I don’t know what’s normal to men but from past experiences, men are usually turned on when they are with women they are attracted to, or when they see her naked or there is physical touch. It wasn’t like that in Shelter’s case.

I had to pull out all my feminine lessons in seduction and even summon the goddess Aphrodite and this man’s thing would still be as soft as cotton. And when we finally get it to rise, it would quickly go limp like a punctured balloon. I understood that what he was experiencing is a medical condition so I assured him, “I know you are worried but it’s fine. I will stand by you, and together we will get medical help.”

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However, whenever I brought up hospital visits and specialist consultations, he would shut down and tell me, “You can leave if it bothers you so much that I can’t perform.” I repeatedly told him that I wouldn’t leave him. Seeing as he wouldn’t take the initiative, I went ahead to look for hospitals with good urologists but still, he refused to go. The only thing he kept telling me was, “I am not forcing you to be with me. So if you can’t accept what I am, then leave.”

His behaviour and response to my efforts to help really got to me. So I stopped trying to help him. “If he wants to go through life with a limp joystick in the bedroom, then that’s his problem.” That’s what I told myself as I withdrew from him. By and by, I became distant and whenever I was around him I was awfully quiet.
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He noticed my change in behaviour so one day he called me and said, “We should end the relationship. Everything you are doing shows that you no longer want to be with me.” I didn’t want to force things so I agreed to the breakup. We still talk after everything. I call to check up on him and he also calls me to check up on me. The other day we were talking when he told me, “I made a mistake by letting you go. I am still in love with you. Will you forgive my foolishness and take me back?” I asked him, “Are you ready to work on your problem?” He assured me that he would visit the hospital when he is on annual leave.

I have considered taking him back but I don’t want a situation where I would go back to him and he would refuse to go to the hospital. There is also the issue of Nana Kofi. He is also back, grovelling for me to take him back. He says he regrets letting me go. He says he is ready to love now and he would make it up to me. On one hand, is a man who showed me love but refused to seek help for a medical problem that not only affects him but affected me as well. And on the other hand, is a man I gave everything to and got nothing in return. They both promise to change. I don’t know what to do. Should I give either of them another chance or I should just move on from them?

–Nana Efya

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