I have never loved any woman like the way I love Barbara. And even after everything we’ve been through, I am sure that no other woman will ever do it for me. She is the one. I knew it right from the moment I met her. I remember thinking, “This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She doesn’t know it yet but I am going to marry her.”

I was over the moon when she accepted my proposal. It felt like everything I had ever wanted in life was within my reach. All I had to do was reach out and take it. We were both not rich but we made do with what we had. Anyone who earns a living as a teacher knows a thing or two about managing finances. And Barbara and I happen to be teachers.

Just as I dreamed, I married her three years into our relationship. The beginning of the marriage was just as joyous as the courtship stage. We found a way to be happy despite our earnings as teachers. We made things work despite the economic problems this country faces. However, things became challenging when we had our firstborn.

It was easier to manage when it was just the two of us, but another mouth to feed raised the issue of our financial stability or the lack of it. As the man of the house, I provide for everything my family needs. When things become too difficult and I need my wife to support me she would refuse. No matter how hard I try to persuade her she would tell me, “I am not the head of the family, you are. It’s your job to make sure that we have everything we need, not mine.” When push comes to shove, she would buy diapers. That’s all she does to contribute.

I have to do certain jobs on the side so I could properly take care of everyone. Now, our firstborn is four years old. And we have another child who is now one year old. This means that our needs have increased. Yet my wife refuses to support me. The only thing she willingly buys is still diapers. All my attempts to convince her to do more than that haven’t yielded any results.

What pains me about all this is that she doesn’t even appreciate everything I do. I literally stretch myself thin just so everyone can be happy. Yet this woman makes me feel like I don’t do anything. She would wake up every morning and complain bitterly about all the things I am not able to afford for her. I love her but I don’t like who she has become ever since we started facing financial challenges.

To make her displeasure with our situation loud enough for me to understand, she withholds shuperu from me. Whenever I try to initiate something she would just frown and say, “Stop it, I am not in the mood.” Before I get her to consent to give me one round, I would have to beg her for a very long time. Even with that, she wouldn’t hug me or kiss me. There is no form of foreplay.

She would turn her back to me and ask me to do it from behind. She knows I like that position and it doesn’t make me last beyond a few minutes. So she chooses it so we can do it and get it over with. I have told her countless times, “I am not looking for a quick fix. I want to make love to you. Please stop turning your back to me. I want to see you when we are intimate.” No matter how many times I say this she would not be moved.

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We have been married for four years yet I don’t remember the last time my wife gave me a kiss or said “I love you” to me. I am tempted to believe that her love disappeared when things became difficult for us.

This Is The Most Challenging Moment In Our Marriage | Silent Beads

I thought we could use some external help to resolve our problems so I went to her family and told them everything. When they reached out and called for a meeting to advise us, Barbara got angry with me. She warned me, “This is the last time you carry our problems to my family. We are both adults. We can fix our marriage without inviting outsiders into the marriage.” After listening to her concerns I tried to have a conversation with her about my concerns but she didn’t pay me attention.

If it weren’t that our kids are young, I would have considered a separation. I feel like if I take a step back from the marriage, she would finally hear everything I have been saying. However, I can’t in good conscience walk out on her and the kids. I just want to fix whatever is broken between us. Please help me out, what should I do now to save my marriage?

—Asante

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