When I proposed to her she told me she had a boyfriend. I decided to back off. I stopped calling her and stopped texting her. For a week or so we didn’t talk. One morning, I woke up and there was a message on my phone from her; “Is that how you give up? I told you I have a boyfriend so you’ve withdrawn all communications? What happened to ‘if at first, you don’t succeed, try again?’ Is that how you give up in life? I have a boyfriend but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay close. Who knows.” 

I called her and we spent all morning talking on the phone. Her boyfriend had travelled abroad and according to her, ever since he travelled, communication had been in some way. “He doesn’t call and he doesn’t do anything that suggests we are in love. Once in a while he would call and tell me many excuses as to why he hasn’t called me for that while.”

I asked about my chances with her and she told me, “If you prove that you love me more than him, then there’s a chance for us and the way I see it, you don’t have to do much to win me over because that guy isn’t doing anything. We are still in a relationship because we haven’t officially broken up.” I got the point so I decided to give it a shot with her, knowing very well that there was someone else in the photo. “I’m going to do my best and see how it goes. The most important thing is the heart of the woman involved. She loves me and I love her, so why not?”

The relationship started and everything was fine. There was nothing that showed she had another guy. There was not a single day that she was with me that the guy called. She spent most of her days with me and whenever she was with me, all her attention was on me. She’s not a social media person and that also helped. At first, I was laid back, observing to see if I should go all in or use one leg in. A year later, nothing could stop us. I could confidently say I was for her and she was for me. One day, out of the blue I asked her, “So what happened to that your boyfriend abroad? Do you even hear from him?” I was expecting to hear something like, “Oh we’ve broken up long ago. I don’t even know his whereabouts.” When she answered she told me, “Oh he’s there. We are hanging by a thread. As you already know, he doesn’t call often so I also don’t mind him.”

I was a little bit disappointed and it showed. She saw it in my demeanour and asked what was wrong. I told her, “So what are you waiting for? What do you want to see before you break up with him? This is a man who doesn’t call or do anything in your life. By now he has someone out there he’s loving. He doesn’t care about you so why are you holding on to him?” She replied, “I’m not holding on to him. Not all love stories end through a breakup message. Some love stories are left to die without a sound. Such is our love story. We dated for four years before he travelled. My parents are aware of him. I don’t want to be the one who broke things up. The right time will come.”

I trusted her. Also, we dated for a year without any external intrusion. We hadn’t fought about anything, yes there were times we were angry with each other but it ended there. Mostly, we were happy and I didn’t want to do anything to disturb the balance of the relationship so I trusted her, believing that she would do the right thing in the end. 

For some time her attitude towards me changed. She was not her happy self. When I called her on the phone, she gave me straight answers. When I texted her, her answers came as someone who was disturbed about something. I checked my life and counted the things I’d done to her not too long ago. “Have I said something bad to her? No. Have I done something bad? No. So why is she getting cold with me.” I approached for answers. She told me, “Nothing is wrong. It’s just some family issues here and there. I will be fine.” 

One night, we were asleep when I heard her sleep-talking. She said something like, “No, I don’t want to marry him!” I tapped her and asked what she was talking about. Of course, she didn’t know what she said. I repeated what she said to her and in her defence, she said, “I was dreaming. It could have come from the conversation I was having in the dream.” I left it like that but I wasn’t convinced that everything was alright with her. One day she told me, “I think it’s about time I told you the truth. Please don’t be angry. Rather, forgive me because it hasn’t been easy for me. My boyfriend abroad is coming next month.”

“Ok, you think his presence will affect us in any way?”

“He’s coming to marry me. Everything is ready.”

I couldn’t talk for several seconds. I was like, “How come? What happened? I thought you guys were no longer together. He wasn’t even calling so how were you able to plan all this without me knowing.” She answered, “It’s a long story. If I start I won’t finish. At this point, there’s nothing I can do about it. I will only ask for forgiveness. I’m very sorry for everything. I’m more hurt than you but you won’t believe me.” I sat there like a toy not believing what I was hearing. The question that kept ringing in my ears was, “Can a relationship be this good and still end because the wrong person came out of nowhere?” I loved her. I didn’t want it to end. I pleaded with her to change her mind. I said, “If marriage is what you want, trust me, we can get married three months from now. I’m ready. Let’s give it a try.”

“I’m sorry. Everything is far gone. It was out of my hand right from the beginning. My parents have a hand in it but I will blame myself for not cutting it when I had the chance.”

“So you’ll marry someone you don’t love? To what end? Marriage is a long journey ooo. Don’t make a mistake with it.”

Her mind was already made up and nothing I said mattered. The guy came from abroad and they started making arrangements for their marriage. Honestly, it broke me. I died a little but man has to do what a man has to do so I tried my best to move on. A day before their traditional wedding, she called me. “She said she was sorry for everything she had done against me. “I know this cut goes deep and it’s going to be with you for a very long time but please don’t hate me. I’m on my knees.” I told her I was alright. 

Days before her wedding, she called me on a video call. She said she was missing me. Before I could say jack, she stripped naked and started showing me everything on the screen. She said, “Haven’t you missed me? We can have a final one before I get married. Just say yes and I will find time and come around. I’m eager to compensate for my sins.” I answered, “I’m home. Whenever you’re ready, you can come around.” 

It was a Thursday evening when she knocked on my door. Immediately I opened the door, she hugged me and we started kissing. Everything went on too fast from there. By the time we realized, we were on the floor panting and looking around for our clothes. We talked for a while and I wished her well in her marriage. 

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They got married days later and went on a honeymoon. While on a honeymoon, she kept texting me, telling me how much she had missed me. Some of the messages I ignored. When I ignored her, she sent me a voice note begging me not to ignore her. I will respond and she will send smiling emojis. Weeks later, her husband left town with the promise of coming for her very soon. Immediately after her husband left, her attention turned to me. 

She’s married so I’ve made up my mind not to entertain her. When her calls became too much, I reluctantly blocked her. She came home one late evening asking me to spend the night with her. I came out and we talked. I calmed her down and sent her away.

I’m convinced in my spirit that I won’t have anything to do with her now that she’s married. My problem is how to get her off my back. The only way was to tell her that I’ll report her to her husband. That very day, she sent me crazy photos and added, “I’m giving you more evidence in case you decide to report me to my husband.” She was calling off my bluff. I told her, “Don’t dare me ooo. I can do silly things ooo. Don’t give me the armour I’ll use to kill you.” She responded, “If you like, let’s do shuperu and record it and send it to him. I don’t care.”

I knew I’d lost. The threat didn’t work so I have to look for something else to do. I can’t hurt her and she knows it and she’s using it perfectly against me. I’ve thought of leaving this place when my rent is due but that’s like seven months from now. Seven months is too long to bear all that. I’m looking for a short-term fix until I can relocate. What should I do?   

—Nkrumah

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