We were strangers on a bus in foreign man’s land. As Black people, we naturally got talking, exchanged contacts, and from that day, a friendship was born.
Since then, we’ve been very close. We go out together, talk about everything, and anytime she cooks, she calls me to come and get some. What started as a kind gesture eventually became something she did regularly.
The more it happened, the more uncomfortable I felt always being on the receiving end. I wanted to contribute towards the cost of the food because what she was doing wasn’t easy, and I didn’t want it to look like I was taking advantage of her kindness. She kept insisting it was fine, but it mattered to me.
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That was why I kept pushing her to accept my small contribution.
She refused. “So now you’re saying I can’t just be a nice person? Keep it and use it for something else.”
I won’t lie, that touched me. It was such a sweet gesture, and it is something I have never taken for granted. That’s why she became very special to me.
Then one evening, something happened. I wouldn’t even call it an argument. We were talking on the phone, but she was unusually quiet. Normally, she’s lively, funny, and easy to talk to, so I immediately noticed something was off.
I asked her what was wrong.
“Hello? Hello? Are you there?”
There was no network problem. I wasn’t in Ghana, and the call was perfectly clear. She was choosing not to speak, and after several attempts to get a response from her, I got frustrated and ended the call.
The next morning, I woke up to a long message from her explaining what had happened.
She said her mind had drifted elsewhere because she was carrying a lot on her shoulders. She needed money to complete her visa renewal application, and to make matters worse, her Uncle had just passed away. Her family had also been putting pressure on her to contribute financially towards the funeral.
“It feels like two problems have landed on my head at the same time. God help me. I keep thinking about how exactly I’m going to pay all these bills within such a short period.”
Because she was only explaining herself, I didn’t ask how much she needed. Even if I had asked, what exactly would I have done with the information? You don’t go looking for trouble, trouble comes and finds you, so I just accepted the explanation and went back to things being how they were. The way she’d call me up to come for food, we talk about everything.
She ended up asking me for 3,200 euros for her visa renewal and said she would pay it back on a weekly basis. I wanted to give it to her, but on second thought, after thinking carefully and rationally about it, I rescinded. I just had a feeling that she wouldn’t be able to pay back the money, which would cause us to fight and ultimately destroy the relationship, and I don’t want that to happen at all. Arguments would start, resentment would build, and before long, the friendship would be ruined.
Money comes and goes, but some relationships are too valuable to gamble with.
So I made an excuse. I sympathised with her situation and even told her that if she had mentioned it much earlier, things might have been different.
Things were not weird when I went to her house for the food again. I even sent her money to cover up the expenses, and she sent it back with a message saying, “I didn’t ask you to send me money for the food, it is from the willingness of my heart, it’s all good.” I replied, “Thank you and God bless you.”
The thing is, when I offered the first time and she didn’t accept, that was the first time I was actually sending the money, and in my mind I was doing damage control, at least.
I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone
Since two weeks ago, she has been ignoring me. I sent her a goodnight message and she has not replied from that time till now. She hasn’t called to ask how I’m doing. She hasn’t checked up on me. She hasn’t called to say she made food and that I should come around.
I have also decided to match her energy by not texting or calling her because I don’t think I am wrong, or am I? I didn’t give the money because I feel she won’t pay back and will run away with my money, thereby destroying our relationship.
—Jonathan
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You were not wrong.
Yes, you were not wrong. But in situations like this, sometimes when
you are visiting, it’s good you buy food stuffs and provisions for her if she won’t accept the cash.
Once a while you tell her not to cook so you are bringing takeaway or you two will go out and eat as a change.
If you had done such things, there will be no need for damage control or feeling bad because you didn’t lend her the money.
You could have also been kind with what you could afford from the amount she asked for. Even if it was 10 euros, she would know you cared. That’s how it should be “nsa ko na nsa aba” in twi, hand go hand come.
U were in position to help her, so yes , you did wrong. At least you could have helped her with half the amount.
U should have given her the token u have instead of completely shutting her out.I know u have your own issues too but your little support would have gone a long way.Bestvwishes
Friends help friends. If you can’t come through for your friend when in need then what is the use of the friendship. You are only there for benefits, let her also benefit from you that is how friendship works… Don’t be selfish help with atleast half trust me that will rekindle your friendship. Let her know you can’t afford the full amount and sit her down and help her plan financially by so doing she will trust and adore you more.
U r just selfish and wicked mhan, when I started reading the story I was excited that you had such a kind friend like her. You didn’t mention any foul play like intimacy.
This is where your true intention of not lending her the money came clear… You didn’t give her the money because you wanted more than food for your mouth, you wanted more for you dick. Your exact thoughts were circled around the “how can I give her such a huge amount when I’m not the one fucking you” and not what you’re trying to convince me with.
I’m sure 3200 euros would have saved you a lifetime relationship but you let it go over your selfish interest.
I wish that young lady meets a equally kind hearted friend after you so she doesn’t see her genuine kindness and love for a fellow countryman as a weakness she has to fight going on….
Pardon my language but you got me angry asking if you were wrong or not when you know you sent a story to convince us help you in the act of pure wickedness
I agree with you. This is just a selfish and wicked person. What’s the use of preserving a friendship with a person that you refused to help? Do you know the meaning of friendship?
Friendship means a willingness to help even if you end up looking like a fool. She needed the money for something extremely important, she has been a very good friend to you, you have the money and she has never given you a reason to believe that she’s financially untrustworthy.
How can you call someone your friend but you are willing to allow them get deported when you can prevent it? If you calculate all the money that she has spent feeding you over the years, won’t it be up to a thousand euros?
The least you could have done was set out a contract detailing the exact terms of repayment, so you could easily reclaim your money legally if it came to that.
You just never valued the friendship. I pray that one day you won’t need help and have your “friends” refuse their help when they could afford it. Just remember that what goes around comes around and that everyone needs help occasionally.
And even the people telling you that you’ve done well, have they never needed a loan before in their lives?
I agree with Prautes