Hello Subzy,

When you came into my life three years ago, it felt real. I enjoyed every bit of it for two years. You made me feel loved. I never had to beg for your attention. I didn’t feel desperate for you. Everything was perfect for me. You knew my love languages and honoured them effortlessly. You knew what to say and do any time of the day. We could talk about anything. Our vibe was that good.

When you said you loved me, I believed it was true. When you promised, “I will always love you,” I trusted you.

I was there for you in your lowest of lows. I stayed by your side every step of the way. Staying by your side and being there for you wasn’t difficult because I believed our love was forever.

When it came to intimacy, we had something special. I am usually not a sexual person but you had a hold over me in that aspect of my life. Seeing you alone gets me wet. Just as I know that staring into my eyes gets you hard. Anytime, anywhere, any day, we could make love and forget the rest of the world exists. I can’t forget about the quickies and night outings.

You treated me in such a special way that it made it easy for me to be a whore for you. Your love language is physical touch, which explains why you love sex. So I made sure to always spice up our bedroom game. I wore your favourite colours whenever I was expecting you. I made sure to give you the best shuperu before any other business for the day.

I am the kind of person who needs to be on top to get an orgasm but that’s not what happens when we get together. Whatever position you have me in works perfectly for me. You told me, “I like eating you out because you are very neat down there.” Every day I spent with you was worth it. And I made sure you didn’t have to beg for shuperu whenever you wanted it.

I believe in loving people the way they want to be loved so I made sure to make you feel loved like you made me feel. You were my best friend. Before now I thought whatever existed between us was more than just shuperu and you loved me for real.

However, I had a rude awakening when I fell ill. I was in a bad place so I could no longer give you shuperu. It was a time I needed you most but you changed completely. You ignored and abandoned me. I found myself begging for love.

I appeared desperate because I was always asking you to do things you were not willing to do. I only asked you to be there for me in my time of need. Anytime you made time to talk to me, you only said things like, “I miss you. I wish I was inside you right now.” Meanwhile, you knew that I wouldn’t be able to do anything with you because of my health. When I reminded you of this fact, you became less concerned and didn’t care whatever went on with me.

You kept telling me you love me but I don’t believe it because you left me to my fate and made me feel desperate. As if that was not enough, you went after my blood relative and slept with her. I found out from someone who knew about it. This was your response when I confronted you, “I did it only once. I didn’t go back because she is not as good as you are.”

After everything you did, I still forgave you. Yet you didn’t change. “Put some effort into this relationship,” I complained. You told me, “Don’t expect me to love you the way you want. If you love me, you will take me as I am.” I told myself that I would walk away after that but I couldn’t.

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I tried to make it work. I still got you gifts because they made you happy. Even in my condition, I made time for us to go out and have fun. I made time to visit you and care for you. This past year has given me the understanding that you loved my body and what it did for you. You were not actually in love with me.

I thought we were friends who talked about anything. But all of it stopped when I couldn’t give you shuperu. It hurts that you were the only friend I had. I loved you with everything in me and made a lot of sacrifices for us. I lost friends because of you and you know it. But those friends were the ones that stood by me in my moments of trials. I didn’t wrong you so why did I get this treatment from you?

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Now that I am better, you want us to pick up where we left off. I told you, “I don’t need you back in my life,” but you’re too selfish to accept that I don’t want you. You don’t even want to admit that you did anything wrong. You still expect me to accept you as you are in my life. Too bad I am a changed person. I don’t want the crumbs you are offering anymore. I deserve a whole meal, and you are not it.

I just want to say thank you for giving me love, and also showing me shege at the end of it. It has taught me everything love is and love is not. If you loved me, you would have taken care of me when I needed you. You wouldn’t have been so fixated on the things my body could no longer do for you. Anyway, thanks for the lessons. I wish you well.

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—Babes

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