I got married two years ago. My wife and I were quite young when we walked down the aisle. I didn’t want to waste too much time in a relationship doing things I could comfortably enjoy in marriage. That’s why we made the big jump. Most of my friends were surprised when we announced our wedding date. “Are you sure?” They asked me, “You are still very young. Why the rush?”
In fact, no one in my circle is married. We are not even in our thirties yet. That’s why they tried to talk me out of my decision at first. But I explained to them, “I want us to enjoy our youthful years as a married couple before the kids start coming.”
Truly, this was my expectation that I would have my wife all to myself once our union was legal. I wanted a fulfilling sex life. But it seems my wife had other plans.
She is a good woman. An amazing wife. She’s committed to every responsibility in the marriage. The only place she holds back is when it comes to intimacy. In our two years of marriage, she has never once initiated it.
I am always the one making the move. When I do too, she is reluctant to give in. Sometimes I have to talk and talk and cajole her before she gives in. Other times I have to beg for it. By the time I go through all the stress to get her to say yes, I even lose interest in doing it.
Every week, I deal with the weight of sexual disappointment. I’ve been open with her about my feelings. I hoped by talking to her, things would improve, but nothing has changed.
Eventually, I had to compromise. We agreed to at least two encounters a week. Even that one is hard for her. I have to count myself lucky if she lets me do it once.
What hurt me the most happened on the night of our wedding anniversary. I looked forward to at least celebrating that night in a way that mattered to me. Quality time and intimacy. But even that ended in disappointment. Why, of all nights, couldn’t I enjoy intimacy with my wife on our anniversary?
These repeated disappointments have begun to weigh heavily on me. I find myself finding satisfaction in adult films. I’m haunted by memories of a past sexual encounter I confessed to her before we got married. I keep revisiting those memories because it was a time when I felt desired.
Now things have escalated. I’ve found myself planning, and plotting ways to cheat on her. She knows these are my thoughts, I have told her. I have explained that her starvation is driving me to this point. Yet she is who she is.
Aside from her lack of sexual expression, she is the perfect wife for me. She shows up fully in every other area. So I am here wondering if I am being unreasonable for wanting more.
Since she’s on this page, I’m hoping your thoughtful readers can give us some tips to overcome this challenge.
– Jino
I’m currently going through the same thing with my girlfriend right now although she said she lost her urge to be having sex sue to my present financial status but I feel won’t she do this after we are married. My candid advice to you is to go for counseling and their are pills that can actually improve her libido e.g Spanish fly. Or visit a medical practitioner that can have solutions for you.
Shalom
Ask her what is the issue that makes her not want sex. There is usually a reason, For example the most common reason is she hurts during or after the act. If it is not something physical then it has to be her view on intercouse. She may have been raised to think that it is dirty,nasty or a bad thing ;and even though she has gotten over the sex out of wedlock stigma. She has to wrap her mind around it and give herself permission to enjoy it with out thinking that she is doing something bad. That may take a bit of therapy.🤔 Another thing is the fact that some men put too much emphasis on sex, it can make a woman feel like thats all she’s good for to you. Im sure that you have expressed to her that you desire her and that you’re not getting enough. That puts a lot of pressure on a woman to perform when she doesn’t feel like it. You see when a man doesn’t feel like it he can’t get an erection, and no matter how much his woman wants him he can’t do it because his body will not allow him. Well when women don’t feel like it, the man feels like the woman is withholding sex from him. Because you can’t see how her body is not cooperating. The vagina is right there, why won’t she let you put it in there. Well that is why, her nerve endings is aren’t providing lubrication or the libido is just not working. This scenario may also fall under how she views the act itself. That will all come out in therapy. Maybe some couples and individual therapy for her because there could be a mental block that she may not be ready to share with you. For fear of judgement, losing you or other personal reasons. So if having a talk with her and not talking about “YOUR” needs doesn’t bring out an answer then if you really love this woman tell her what you love about her besides how she makes you feel sexually. Tell her how she makes you feel when her hair is up, or when she laughs, when you come home to a clean home. Admire other things about her that has nothing to do with sex. What did you like about her when you fell in love and decided that you wanted her to be your wife? And DON’T tell her that you married her so you could get sex more often. Anyway. I wish you luck. I have shared some valuable information with you, and all you need to do is take your needs out of the equation and try to see how she may be feeling enough to inquire before you lose a good woman by cheating. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Take the time and give attention to your own lawn, water yours , and fertilize your grass if you choose cheating to get your sexual needs met it could turn into a vicious cycle. The new parter may experience some similar inadequacies after some time, and you’re right back in the same situation. Good Luck💘 “Love First”
Id also like yo add. That you may have to help to let her know that she is safe with you. I know it sounds crazy because of cause she is safe with you. But when a woman feels that if she can’t satisfy your urges that you are going to leave her for someone else, she may not feel SAFE enough to trust you with her whole heart. Just know that women can relax and surrender sexually when she feels that you love her, “HER” not the act of sex. I know that you’ve heard that love making for a woman starts in her head.and for a man it starts in his pants. I really hope that something that I have said will resonate for you. It is hard for a man to be a man but think like a woman. But I truly think that is the antidote in a lot of relationships.