If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
One Sunday morning, my mother walked in on me and found me sleeping. She asked, “Won’t you go to church?” I said, “I’m not feeling well so I don’t want to go.” She said goodbye to me and left for church. The following Sunday too she came around and saw me busy watching TV. She said, “Today too no church?” I said, “They are doing something in church that I don’t want to be part of.” It was a Saturday when she said, “Don’t tell me you won’t go to church tomorrow. If you won’t go to your church, get ready, I’m taking you to church. After all, that’s where you started.”
The next morning, I dressed up and went to church with her. She was watching me closely when we were in church. When the church closed and we were going home, she looked at me quizzically. Like she had something to say but didn’t want to say it. That evening she came to my room. She said, “Patricia, you don’t look well. Is anything the matter?” I said, “I’m good. I’m very good.” She said, “Say that to strangers but not me. What’s the matter with you? You haven’t been to church for a while now. You don’t attend rehearsals as you mostly do. What is happening?”
I needed someone to talk to. There was no one better than my mom so I told her everything. She asked, “You live with me and had dated your pastor all this while without me knowing?” I said, “I didn’t know how to tell you that I’m dating my pastor.” She said, “Now you know how to tell me that he had broken up with you and married another woman, right? I thought I taught you home sense. If I knew this, that your pastor wouldn’t have had it easy. They start a one-man church and use it to sleep with the women.”
She was making the issue worse for me. I said, “You see why I didn’t want to tell you?” She said, “ɛni wo ndɛ. You and I were going to church without issues. You completed school and told me you’ve seen the light so you’re changing church, you see your life?” After saying all that she asked me, “If you want me to escort you to his house, tell me.” I said, “It’s like you didn’t hear what I said. The man had traveled abroad with his wife.”
Two or so months later, that my friend called me. (That friend who led me to the church. For the sake of this story, let’s call her Anna) She said, “Pastor called me. He had apologized and had asked us to go back to church.” I asked her, “So why didn’t he call me. After all, I’m the one he hurt. If anyone deserves an apology, it’s me and not you so why is he calling you?” She said, “I don’t know but I think what he said makes sense so I’ll start church again.” I asked, “What did he say?” She said, “I can’t tell you everything but all I can say is that he has a reason for doing what he did.”
Anna started going to the church again and took up the position she left behind. I felt betrayed but there was very little I could do. Days later I had a call from an unknown number. The person said, “Pastor is here. He wants to talk to you.” I asked, “Who are you and why is the pastor calling me through you?” Before I could get an answer to my question, I heard, “Hello, it’s me.” I was quiet for a while. He said, “I know you are very angry with me. You hate me and don’t want to see my face anywhere near you. Whatever you feel, you’re right. If I were you, I would have done worse. I understand. Even if you wish death on me, you’ll be right. I won’t defend what I did, though I have an explanation. All I will say now is let your heart calm down so we can discuss the way forward.”
I was boiling with anger. I wish he was standing next to me so I could hit him with something. I asked him, “What is your explanation? I’m the one who deserves to be treated the way you did, right?” He said, “You deserve better, I’m the devil here.” I asked, “So what happened. I want to know why you decided to do what you did to me?” He said a lot of things that didn’t make sense. In the end, he said, “I needed to do this with her so I can get the opportunity to establish here. It’s not love and it’s not special affection. We need space to propagate the Lord’s work and whichever form it comes, we have to take it. God needs this and we have to avail ourselves to do it.”
READ ALSO: I Gave Him My Past And He Used It To Destroy Our Future
I couldn’t believe my ears. He sounded so stupid I couldn’t believe I fell for him at one time. I asked, “Can you hear yourself talk? Do you think you’ll make sense to even a seven-year-old girl?” He said, “You might find it hard to understand. It’s not earthly wisdom but believe me, it’s the best option for me to establish God here.” Everything he said, he quoted a bible verse to back his claim. I said, “I’d always wanted to hear your reason so I can have closure. I’m ok now. Go on, build whatever for God. I hope it ends well.”
A week or so later, he called again with a different line. He kept apologizing. I told him to move on with his life. He said he’s feeling the burden of what he did to me and he needs me to forgive him totally. I said, “I hate you for everything you did to me but I have nothing against you. If I hold on to what you did to me, God himself would not listen to my prayers. That’s why I’ve forgiven you.” He said, “Then go back to church. That’s the only way I will know and believe that you’ve forgiven me.” I said, “It’s not necessary. I won’t go back today and won’t go back tomorrow.”
He stopped calling for months and then he resurfaced again when I least expected it. He started talking about the troubles he had been going through with his wife. He said, “Sometimes she makes me believe I made a mistake but I’m trusting in God’s will.” I don’t know what he’s trying to gain but he keeps calling every now and then, telling me what is going on in his life. I’m not fighting him but I don’t want him closer. He had used Anna and other pastors in the church to get me to go back to his church but I’d refused.
Recently he sent me a message, telling me he would be coming to Ghana very soon and he would like to meet me in church when he comes. I have no desire to see him or even talk to him face to face. Because of all his lies, he now appears ordinary to me. He’s like a dead lion—useless. All I wanted is the closure he gave me the first time he spoke to me. I don’t want anything else from him. I’m ok. I’ve moved on. I’m still enjoying the grace
–Patricia
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
