If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

The first person who was very angry with my decision to go ahead with the marriage was my mom. She didn’t understand why I would go ahead and marry a man who had impregnated another woman right when we were dating. She said, “Make me understand. Do you think he came to beg you so he’s sorry? Do you think men like him change? He’s sorry because the truth came out. People like him are not truly sorry. I wonder why you didn’t see this but went ahead to marry him.” My dad was calm. I knew he had his own reservation but he was only trusting in my judgment. 

I told my mom, “He made a stupid mistake, I know. I don’t know for sure if he has changed or not. I don’t know for sure who he would be tomorrow. I gave him another chance to right his wrongs because he was a good person to me during the relationship. Had it not been this issue that came up in the last minutes, I wouldn’t have had any issue with him since we started dating. A man without mistakes is either good at hiding it or he hadn’t tried to live at all. I’ve forgiven him. Let’s leave the rest to God. He’s the ultimate judge.”

After the wedding, I placed a call to the baby mama. I apologized to her and even went ahead to ask what she would like me to do for her concerning the baby. She maintained that she didn’t want anything from me or the father. In her own words, “I only appeared to tell you the truth because of what he told me when I got pregnant. He told me he wasn’t ready for a kid. He told me he wanted us to marry before the kids. He gave me the impression that if there was someone he was going to marry, it would be me. He was in contact with me for a very long time. He never told me that it was over between us yet went ahead to marry someone else. That was my pain but I don’t need anything from you two. I wish you well.”

I felt she was talking out of pain. In fact, it was obvious she was talking out of pain. I put myself in her shoes and asked how I would have felt if that happened to me. I told my husband, “Don’t leave things the way they are. Go there with your family. Whatever you ought to do traditionally to claim the child, do it and ensure that the child is officially yours. When he’s a little bit older, you can go for him so we can raise him as part of our kids.”

I didn’t want my husband to walk around carrying guilt and shame. Apart from that, I was creating an avenue where he would open up to me on things concerning the child. I felt if I showed concern, he would notice the genuine care I have for the kid and do things openly. He accepted my suggestions so when the time was right, I followed him and a couple of his family members to visit the girl’s family. The family requested him to pay some amount, which he did. Again, they said he should set the girl up in business. They collected money for that. Later they asked him how much he would pay monthly as upkeep of the child. He mentioned an amount and they accepted.

Before we left, the baby mama walked up to me and thanked me profusely for my role in bringing peace between her child and the father. I also apologized for the lies he told her and asked her to call me whenever my husband defaults in payment. We established a relationship that opened the gateway for us to be candid with each other. It was a great relationship. 

Eric went to visit them monthly. Some months I went with him. Other months he went alone. When he couldn’t go, he sent them the money he would have sent to them if he went. In 2020 during the peak of the Covid, Eric’s mother fell sick. It wasn’t Covid. Just normal sickness that made her immobile. Eric was almost always going to his mother’s house, staying there for the weekend just to ensure that his mother was well taken care of. There were months we didn’t have money. I personally called the lady and told her that things were not good so she should give us a little more time to gather something for her.

It became constant. Eric was always visiting his mother on weekends and spending at least a night there with her. Sometimes I went with him but I always returned after the visit. 

In December 2020, the girl posted a video of a party she attended during Xmas on her status. I usually don’t watch her status update but something drew me to that one. She was dancing heartily in the video but her movement looked somewhat restricted. Like she wasn’t able to move freely. She looked heavy in front though she was wearing a loose dress. I asked myself, ‘Is this girl pregnant again?” I brushed it aside. “Even if she’s pregnant, how does that concern me?” 

When I saw Eric, I told him, “You might not have noticed because you haven’t seen her in a long while but your son’s mother looks pregnant judging from the videos I saw of her.” This is just normal konkonsa married couple could do. I didn’t expect the reaction I received from Eric. He screamed, “She’s pregnant and so what? Why are you telling me this? Am I her father? Why are you so interested in someone’s life like that? Is she your family member?” I said calmly, “But Eric, what is wrong with what I told you? I watched her status and I’m telling you what I saw. What is wrong with that?” He said, “Think of yourself and leave other people alone to also think about themselves. You’re being too nosy and it’s not good.”

Obviously, he was in a bad mood so I let it slide. But he started acting jittery. He would come home and meet me quiet and will ask me, “Have you heard from her?” I will answer, “What sort of question is that? You think I have nothing doing with my life that I would be checking on her every day?” He answered, “I’m only asking since you’ve been checking on her status all the time.” 

Men think they are very smart but they are open books that anyone at all can read when they want to. Little things he did drew my attention to the fact that all was not well. He’ll talk to me and not look at me in the eyes. He’ll pick a call in front of me, and scream, “Hello…hello…” as he walks out as if there is no reception where I sit. When he returns after receiving that lengthy call, he would spy on me from the corners of his eyes to see if I’m looking at him. He was simply jumpy and it showed. 

I went into his phone. He was constantly talking to the girl. The conversation sounded like it was picked from where it ended the previous day but you check and wouldn’t see the previous day’s messages. At a point, he said, “Don’t let this happen for the second time, I’m begging you.” The girl responded, “It’s not my fault and you know it. What you’re telling me is not that easy but I will think of it.” Another day he asked, “How did it go?” The girl answered, “I want to go but the truth is I couldn’t. I just might not be able to do it.”

“What are these two people talking about?” I asked myself.

Eric continued walking around like a guilty man in his own house. One afternoon I called the girl and asked her, “What is going on?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what is he pushing you to do again. Be frank with me just as I’ve always been frank with you.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. What have you seen and what have you heard?”

“I’ve read your messages with my husband. I know you’re pregnant again. And I know he’s involved. Don’t try to hide anything because I already know.”

“Talk to your husband because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eric came home that evening and it was fireworks. “Why would you go and ask her those silly questions? Who sent you? Are you my mother? Are you her mother? Why are you trying to put your nose in other people’s lives?” I said calmly, “Eric, you got the girl pregnant again. Deny it today but the truth will come out tomorrow and it will be messy for you. I’ve read your messages and I know what I found.” He went mute!

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Days later, he woke me up at dawn and confessed; “Yes it’s true but I’ve arranged everything with her. Nobody would hear about it if we don’t tell anyone.”

The next morning, his parents heard about it. My parents heard about it. The pastor heard about it. If those we live with in the house were interested in our issues, I know they too would have heard about it during the dawn when he was confessing. I was intentionally loud. Birds would have even heard about it. 

My mother: “The writings were on the wall but you pretended you didn’t know how to read. Now what?” 

My Father: “This guy knows no shame. If it’s the girl he wants why didn’t he go for her but instead decide to waste your time?”

Me: “He didn’t waste my time. I wasted my own time when I didn’t walk out the first time.”

My Mom: “Thank God you don’t have a child with him. When should I come to help you pack?”

I’ve been living with my parents since the incident while we go through a divorce that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. But I was a fool thinking forgiveness solves it all and clears the spots on the leopard’s skin. He came home to ask for forgiveness. My mom didn’t even open the door. He came with his mother. My mother asked his mother one question, “Woman. If you were the daughter of my daughter, would you allow such a man into her life? No, don’t answer. Just go home with him and give him the answer.”

Through it all, it was my pastor’s words that strengthened me and kept me going. He said, “You were not wrong to forgive him the first time. Even if you decide to forgive him again, you won’t be wrong but a man like him deserves no one’s forgiveness because when he had the opportunity to repent, he ran back to his own vomit. Clear your head of any guilt and get ready to live and love again. God didn’t give you this lesson to keep it under your pillow. You ought to move and be guided by what you’ve learned. It is well with you.

Indeed it had been very well with me since I left that house.  

–Yaa 

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