When Kojo and I started dating, the plan was for us to get married within a year. He was an amazing guy with a good sense of humour. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him filled me with warm, gooey feelings. I was doing my national service then. I didn’t have any big plans for my finances except to get posted to teach after the service. Kojo changed that.

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First, he gave me money to start a side hustle. Then he paid for me to learn a skill I had always wanted to learn. “As a woman, you need to be determined to make your own money,” he advised, “and you can’t attain financial independence relying on only one stream of income.”

I took his advice and invested time and effort into the opportunities he gave me. To this day, I still earn money from the side hustle and the skill I learned. Initially, I was committed to the ventures because I believed it was for our future. “Maybe he was concerned about my finances so that it would benefit both of us in marriage.” That was what I thought.

Six months into the relationship, he introduced me to his parents. He said, “I want you to get acquainted with them so that you won’t be new to each other when we finally tie the knot in the next six months.”

I was happy with the way they received me. His mother especially—she loved me so much. She kept talking about how much she wanted her son to get married to me as soon as possible. I felt at home in their midst.

After that introduction, I also showed Kojo my commitment by introducing him to my mother. I had already told her so many good things about him, so she liked him before they met in person. Just as his parents loved me for him, my mother loved him for me.

I was sure we were on track until a friend told me she saw Kojo in town with his ex. That weekend, he was supposed to attend a funeral. Before the funeral, he came to my place. One particular number kept calling him the entire time he was with me. Before I could ask who it was, he said, “My landlord’s daughter keeps calling me. Maybe she needs something.”

“Why are you lying?” I retorted. “I know your ex is in town. Is she not the one calling you?”

“You too, why are you spying on me?” There was no denial or admission of guilt. However, I didn’t want us to argue, so I dropped the issue.

He was a diploma holder pursuing a degree at the time all of this was happening. Before he went to school, he sat me down and told me to get ready for marriage. “This is my last semester. As soon as I finish, we are doing it.” Boy, was I happy!

Well, all that happiness came crashing down when this guy completed school and became so distant. I asked him what was wrong several times before he finally said, “I have realized that I am not ready for marriage.”

I told him it was fine. There was no need to rush. I was only 23, so I didn’t mind waiting till he was ready. A few days later, he called me and said, “Actually, I don’t think this relationship is working for me anymore. I want to break up.”

I was beyond heartbroken. As far as I was concerned, we were fine. So what changed? I called his mother and told her everything. She got angry at him, told me not to worry, and said he was acting up because of his ex. She said they never liked her because she was always inconsistent with him. She assured me, “I will speak some sense into him.”

A few days after that phone call, Kojo called me sounding apologetic. He said he made a mistake when he called for a breakup and that he would like for us to work things out.

My heart was hurting, and I had convinced myself that the only way to feel better was to take him back. So that’s what I did. Things were never the same between us again, nonetheless. He kept going on and off with me. One moment he was in love and crazy about me. The next moment, he was acting cold and distant.

When I was applying for my posting, my mother asked if I was going to choose a place close to where Kojo lived. That was when I broke down in tears and told her everything, including the drama with his ex.

She was disappointed that I kept all of it to myself. But she asked me just one question: “Why are you trying so hard to hold on to a man who is still hung up on his ex?” I knew then what I had to do. It was a difficult decision, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

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I texted Kojo and told him I was done with our relationship. He didn’t even pretend to fight for me. He just said okay.

His nonchalance made the breakup more difficult to bear, but I have been going through it. Now my problem is his mother. She called me recently asking me to take Kojo back. I don’t want to. His siblings and some of his friends are also in my DMs apologizing to me on his behalf. I have forgiven him, but every time I think about his betrayal, I am not moved to take him back.

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Kojo himself has been talking to me. It’s been months after our breakup, but he won’t let go. He says he is sorry. He wants one more chance to do things right. I believe too much has happened between us for us to take another chance. We should all just move on in peace. I have told him countless times that I hold nothing against him. But it doesn’t mean I will take him back.

He is not listening to me, but that’s not my problem. I am concerned about his mother and her persistence. I don’t want to be rude to her because of the kindness and acceptance she showed me in the past. How do I gently tell her to back off?

—Jada

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