I met a man in the comment section of a story that was published on this page. First, he got my attention by responding to my comment. Then he moved into my inbox to continue the conversation. I found his argument interesting. I engaged him. By the time the conversation was winding down, we exchanged contacts. That’s where it all began.

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We didn’t talk consistently. Just the occasional, “How are you doing?” And “I am just checking up on you.” I was fine with it. Some friendships do start out with conversations but when you have nothing to say, you can’t force it. It was something I understood about human connections. And I believe that left to me alone, things would have remained that way.

However, two months after we started talking he wanted more. “I want to know you better,” he said, “can we meet in person?” When I was hesitant he added, “Oh, I just like your vibe and I just want to meet you.”

I have a busy work schedule. I explained this to him but he didn’t mind. He said he would come to me. His determination moved me. So we made arrangements to meet.

When the time was up, he travelled all the way from Accra to visit my town. That day, I was at work, but I took some time away and saw him briefly before he returned.

During our short meeting, he told me he liked me. He had a lot of questions about my personal life. I was open with him as best as I could. “I am a divorcee with one son,” I started.

“How long have you been divorced?”

“Three years. I gave my marriage my best but it didn’t work out.”

“I understand, trust me. I also fought hard for my marriage but now I’m divorced with three children.”

We bonded over our supposed divorces. According to him, his wife cheated on him when he lost his job. He looked sad as he recounted how he caught her in bed with another man. “I hope you won’t break my heart like that if we start dating,” he added.

Honestly, from the moment he left, my instincts kept telling me something wasn’t right. He looked too responsible and put-together to be single. But I couldn’t shake off something he told me. He said he was an elder in one of the big churches, and that he wouldn’t travel all the way to my town just to deceive me. That was what quieted my doubts.

Before he left, he promised to come back that weekend to spend more time with me. It was too soon so I gave him an excuse that I had a workshop to attend that weekend.

Our conversations picked up when he got home. He talked about being an active member of Silent Beads and said that the way some men treat women in the stories makes him cry. “If I had a good woman I would cherish her but I have never been lucky. When it comes to you though, something feels different, in a good way.”

Despite all his convincing words, I prayed that night for God to reveal who he really was.

Around midnight, I woke up to pray again, and afterwards, I felt a strong urge to look up the church he mentioned. The church page came up — and there he was, kneeling at the altar beside his pastor. Tears filled my eyes as I scrolled further and saw photos of him, his wife, and their children at a Thanksgiving service for a new baby. The photos were posted just a month before he came to visit me.

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I took screenshots and sent them to him, along with his pastor’s contact number. I told him I would call his wife or the pastor to find out the truth. He started begging me not to do that and said he had a lot to explain.

I’m sharing my story because I’m still in shock. He kept apologising until I finally blocked him. My question is what exactly did he want from me, knowing very well that he is a married man? Someone who claims he cries when he reads stories about men who deceive women was actively deceiving. After all I have been through already? Wow, men!

—Gloria

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