I met Sammy in school. We studied together and built a friendship that kept both of us going. Whenever he needed something, I was the first person he came to. When I needed something, I didn’t hesitate to speak with him too. When we got to our second year, a guy in our class started making moves on me. I didn’t like him. He thought the best person he could get to help him was Sammy, so he went to talk to him.

One evening, Sammy brought the issue up. “Peter says he’s in love with you, but you’re not listening to him.”

I responded, “Peter is not my kind of guy. The fact that he ran to you goes to confirm that he’s not that guy.”

That day, Sammy asked me who my kind of guy was. I told him. I listed all the qualities one after the other. I concluded, “If even one of these qualities is missing in a man, I wouldn’t consider him for a relationship.”

He laughed. He said I had better create my own man because that kind of man didn’t exist.

“Your standards are too high,” he said. “No wonder you’re still single after all this while.”

I went through university single until I completed school. Sammy had a girlfriend, but the relationship didn’t last even a semester because of me. The girl wanted him to get rid of me, but we had a bond so strong that Sammy couldn’t see a life on campus without me. So he let the girl go instead.

We lost contact after our national service. It wasn’t intentional. After school, we didn’t have much to talk about or much to keep us connected. I got a job and went back to school to do my master’s. I even gave some men a chance to be in my life to see how things would go, but those relationships didn’t survive. They didn’t want to stay away from sex until marriage, and because I wasn’t ready to give in, those men disappeared into the shadows.

One day, at a conference, the MC introduced the next speaker as a reputable lawyer who didn’t know how to lose a case. When he mentioned the speaker’s name, it clicked. The moment he mounted the stage, I screamed, “Sammy!”

I didn’t wait for him to finish speaking. I started moving toward where he could see me. Right after he was done, I rushed toward him and extended my hand. He burst into screams. “Rhoda! Where have you been? Look at you.”

We continued the conversation over lunch. We talked about silly memories and where life had taken us. He asked me, “So, were you able to find that kind of man who fit those crazy descriptions?”

We burst out laughing. I told him about the men I had met and how they disappeared because I didn’t have sex with them. He responded, “They don’t make them like that anymore. You’ll have to be like Peter the fisherman and cast your net farther before you can find one.”

A few weeks after that conversation, he told me, “If you give me the chance, I can only try. I’m not saying I check all the boxes, but I can try to check a few important ones.”

I thought he was joking. I knew him too well to take him seriously, but he wasn’t joking.

I said, “Prove it.”

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

A year later, we were walking down the aisle and making vows to each other. Nine years later, we still get things wrong quite often, but we’ve learned that forgiving each other when one partner messes up is the only way to keep us going.

I get it wrong, and he forgives me. He gets it wrong, and I stretch him a little before I forgive him. But once forgiveness is given, it’s genuine. We don’t revisit old wrongs. He’s a lawyer, but we don’t argue cases in our house. We simply say, “I’m sorry.”

—Rhoda

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