I got married about a year and a few months ago. My husband and I were both virgins. We are Christians and wanted to do things by the book. But that did not mean we never talked about sex. We were shy about it at first, but our counsellor helped us understand that it was important for us to discuss it.
We talked about all the crazy things we wanted to try, how many times we would do it, and where we would do it. In fact, we were both looking forward to the experience and were ready to let the sparks fly.
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We even decided to delay having children so we could focus on building a strong bond as a couple first.
The problem started during our honeymoon. Nothing we tried worked that night. We couldn’t figure out how to go about it, and after several attempts, he finally managed to penetrate me.
We didn’t enjoy it. I was crushed and disappointed. From the look on my husband’s face, I could tell that it wasn’t what he had expected either.
Fortunately for my husband, he soon found his way around my body and began to enjoy sex. He would initiate it and fall off me happy.
Sadly, I can’t say the same for myself. I don’t enjoy it, and I rarely feel the urge to have it. I have read about it on the internet, and from what I have seen, I think I may have a low libido.
I was going to pretend that all was fine and just play the role of a wife, but pretending would do me more harm than good.
I don’t know if it is because of my lack of sexual satisfaction, but I have been resentful towards my husband. He reaches his climax, and I am left there trying to understand what is going on. I don’t like it at all. I want us to enjoy our marriage together. We are satisfied in other aspects of our relationship, but I don’t know how to make that happen when my body doesn’t seem to respond the way I expected it to.
My husband is at his happiest when our bedroom life is consistent and exciting. If you see him singing happy songs around the house and making all sorts of promises, then you can be sure we have had “shuperu”
But because of my low libido, getting in the mood is a struggle. I resist his touch and dread his advances. There are days when I pretend to be angry even though I am not, just so he will leave me alone.
My husband is a good man. He doesn’t pressure me or make things difficult for me. He is understanding, and I know he loves me. When we are both not at work, we are usually in the comfort of each other’s arms.
Our kind of companionship is rare, and I don’t want it to end at all.
But I think it may happen because I can feel my husband drifting away emotionally. He may be sitting right beside me at home, but his mind is somewhere else. You could call his name twice before he would turn to look at you. I know that my behaviour is bothering him.
And that scares me.
I have a good husband who loves being with me, yet something is changing between us, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want him to start feeling lonely in a marriage where we are supposed to be closest to each other. I don’t want our love to suffer because I struggle to enjoy something that makes him so happy
I don’t want us to become one of those couples who live together but slowly lose their connection. Most importantly, I don’t want to miss out on the feeling of reaching climax either. It is an experience I want to have someday.
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Please, has anyone experienced something like this before? How did you deal with it? Is there something I can do to improve my libido and start enjoying intimacy with my husband?
I need your suggestions, advice, and support. I want our marriage to thrive and glow. I want us to enjoy the beautiful, intimate relationship we imagined we would have when we were dating, but I honestly don’t know where to start.
— Catherine
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You said your husband is a good man so talk to him. Let him know how you feel and find solution together. Let him be patient and explore your body more. Relax your mind and body when he’s exploring and let him also not be in a rush to penetrate. Let the foreplay take longer and add clitoral stimulation to it. During the act, communicate to each other verbal and non verbal. Tell him where it hurts, tell him where it doesn’t. Tell him when the feeling is good so he concentrates there more. Read more about the woman’s body.
@Mine, you should consider taking this as a profession cos you’re damn good at it 😉
Men usually don’t last long in their first initial times at sex. These leaves their women usually unsatisfied since they take a longer time to reach ogasm during sex. The solution in this initial stages is the man to work on the women’s body caressing her and bringing her to a certain stage before actual penetration. Repeating the act few minutes after the the first one also have the potential to help the woman reach ogasm
As suggested earlier, Catherine you need to have a discussion with your husband about your situation for the two of you to explore ways through which both of you can enjoy the act.
@Peter……😊😊 thanks for believiing in me. It means so much to moi.
Don’t rush into any action. I believe when you have a baby go through the channel, things could change.
Mastering sex for someone who is a Virgin takes years, i hope you develop the patience to work on little improvements all the time. Because initially it may overwhelming, and not look fun at all. Try to discuss your experiences and give feedback to each other after intimacy.
Work on little improvements, one step at a time.
Also discuss with friends who have more experience to give you tips
Are you both into oral sex? Him giving you lots of head might be a game changer….