I sent him a friend request because he was a good-looking guy. He accepted the request and waved in my inbox. I waved back. He asked if we had met before, and I said, “I don’t think so, but you look like a friend I knew, hence the request.” We talked for a few minutes and said goodbye, promising to stay in touch.

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Anytime he wanted my attention, he would go through my old photos and like one of them. He would come to my inbox and ask where I was in life when I took that photo. I would either laugh or answer. He asked intelligent questions, and when he did, I didn’t hesitate but answered him. One day, I gave him my number and told him we should talk on the phone sometime.

He didn’t call. He sent a message on WhatsApp to introduce himself like a lost boy knocking on the door. He even added a photo of himself to the introduction. According to him, it was so I would know who was talking. I asked, “Was the photo necessary?” He responded, “Yeah, so I don’t do long introductions. Now that you know it’s me, let’s take it from here.”

We talked on the phone. I was the one who called because I wanted to know how he sounded. He sounded like a man. Deep voice but calm in nature. From there, our conversations became more intimate than they used to be. Intimate, as in we started asking more personal questions. He asked who I was dating, and I told him I’d been dating myself for six months now because I realized dating myself gives no heartbreak.

He sent laughing emojis. He said he was also dating himself. My heart skipped a beat. I told myself I could have a chance at him because he didn’t live too far from where I lived in Accra.

One morning, I woke up to a message he had sent while I was sleeping. He sent the message around 1 a.m., saying, “I know you would be sleeping by now, but I’m here thinking about you, imagining how you are when you sleep. Do you snore? Do you clutch a pillow because you’re lonely? Why don’t you give me a chance so you can clutch me when you sleep? This is not one of my jokes. I’ve fallen for you.”

Maybe it was because of the time I read the message or the mood I was in. Love is not something new to me, so I usually act indifferent when someone proposes, but this one felt like the first time a man told me he loved me. I left him on blue tick for a long time because I was thinking of the perfect line to give him. I’m no poet, so finally, I said, “I don’t know you. We haven’t met. Let’s meet and see if indeed you love me the way you think you do.”

He didn’t agree. He said he had seen me through his heart’s eyes and I was the perfect one for him. I told him everything I knew about him was a perception until we met physically. Finally, we agreed to meet. We set the date, chose the venue, and picked the time.

When I got there, he was already seated, pressing his phone. We hugged. He told me I looked good in person. I responded that he looked better in person too. Immediately, we sat down, and I placed my phone face down so I wouldn’t be distracted. He kept to his phone, texting and talking to me at the same time. He would put the phone down, and we would talk for a few minutes, and then he would pick it up again.

He told me I looked good in person, but he wouldn’t look at my face while talking. I told him politely, “You seem to love your phone so much.” I thought that would give him a signal to put the goddamn thing down, but he responded, “Oh, it’s my friends ooo. They won’t let me have peace.”

He would go to Facebook, then to TikTok. He would switch to Snapchat, then look at me for a few seconds, and go back to the phone. When the drinks came, we sipped quietly. When the food arrived, he didn’t even notice because he was on his phone. I ate quietly and answered the questions he asked when he decided to talk. At one point, we didn’t talk for several minutes. He was busy on his phone. I told myself, “Naaa, this won’t work. A man like this can’t clutch me.”

When we finished eating, I told him I wanted to go since it was getting late. He placed his phone down for the first time, and a call came through. The caller’s name was “Akos Babe.” He quickly picked up the phone but didn’t answer. He said, “But you didn’t say anything about my proposal. You’ve seen me now.” I answered, “We’ll talk later.”

On my way home, he texted, “Don’t mind the name. It’s my sister. She saved her name herself on my phone and decided to add ‘babe’ to it.” I didn’t text back until I got home. I sent him a long message. I still didn’t mention the name I saw because, to me, that wasn’t the issue. “You said you’d clutch me, but you couldn’t even put your phone down to look at my face. How is that going to work?”

He apologized and said he was trying to solve a situation, which was why. I wasn’t angry. I thought he was still someone I could keep as a friend, so we kept talking, but in his mind, he still had a chance when I had closed shop long ago. He called for another date. I went because of the food, I will be honest. This time, he didn’t touch his phone. He said, “Let’s talk now. It’s all about you.” I said, “Ok, tell me about Akos Babe. I want to know more about her.”

He insisted she was a sister and continued telling me the same story he had told me. I said, “Ok, call her number and put it on loudspeaker. Let’s listen to what she would say when you call her a sister.”

He didn’t see that coming. He called it an issue of trust. According to him, I should trust him enough not to do that exercise with him. I thanked him for the food and called it a night.

My Wife Has The Spiritual Powers To Detect Cheating

He’s still in my inbox trying to explain Akos Babe away but with no evidence. I’ve met good men who turned out to be bad in the end. If I didn’t learn anything from them, then I’m a multiple fool. Fortunately for me, I did learn from them, so I will be no one’s fool. He can talk, but he can’t make me his.

—Miranda 

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