My boyfriend David and I have been together for two years. We have quarreled and loved each other through it all. But last year, I started having real troubles. At work, I was dealing with missing orders, accounts that wouldn’t tally, and bosses breathing down my neck. They never saw how hard I was trying. David wasn’t helping matters either. He would pick a fight if I didn’t answer his call or reply to his messages fast enough.

I started thinking I should ask for a break. David is a great boyfriend, but he can do better. I felt I needed to be alone for a few months to think things over. I wanted more from the relationship. Maybe someone more like my ex, who gave me that “baby girl” treatment and spoiled me with cash. David is very careful with his money. To put it mildly, he is stingy.

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At first, it was hard to keep him from bothering me while I checked out other men, but I held my ground. Then one morning, I woke up and there were no messages from him. No WhatsApp texts, no SMS, no more pleas for me to come back. That’s when I knew I was about to lose him. So I went back.

But since I’ve been back, I’ve noticed some very disturbing things. Things that are unusual for him.

First, he isn’t all over me like he used to be. He doesn’t beg me to stay the weekend. He doesn’t seem bothered when I don’t return his calls. David is usually clingy. He always wants to be around me. A few times, he wanted it and I refused. He didn’t fight back. He just turned over, took his phone, and started scrolling.

Now, David has a new friend. A mutual friend introduced them. From their chats, I first thought it was an affair. But when I looked closer, their relationship seemed normal, even harmless. My boyfriend actually tells her nice things about me. They talk about movies and video games. They argue over music and other silly things. There’s no obvious flirting. No demands for pictures or to meet up. I don’t think they’ve even met in person. But they chat every single day, morning till night, sharing jokes and memes. I saw that she even transferred him 30k to solve a business problem, and he paid her back two days later. I didn’t even know he had a business problem. He never told me.

Reading their recent messages was shocking. The woman is part of the rainbow colours, and they’ve been talking about what they both like about being with women. It stopped being funny. Their conversation became very explicit, and it made me deeply uncomfortable. They discussed things my boyfriend likes that I didn’t even know about. Fantasies and desires he never shared with me.

I checked her out on Twitter. She is quite pretty and popular online.

On the other hand, David’s attitude towards me hasn’t changed. He is still sweet. He calls and makes time for me.

I don’t know how to bring this up. I cloned his WhatsApp and have been reading every message for a month now. If I tell him, he would be furious. He would probably break up with me. But I don’t like where this online friendship is headed.

Thriving In A Relationship When The Man Doesn’t Have Money

How does he have the energy to chat with two women all day? Why hasn’t he told me about her? Why isn’t he pursuing me like he used to? How do I bring these concerns up without exposing myself? How do I get him away from this Twitter girl?

—Dammy

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