I was in SHS when I got involved in an accident that almost claimed my life. It was a miracle that I survived. However, I did not survive it unharmed. I had deep cuts and bruises here and there. Recovery was not an easy road. I spent a lot of time in the hospital, after which I had to spend some time at home to fully gain back my health. While I was home boredom was something I had to deal with. It was as if I was stuck in a time loop while the world was moving on. Every day felt like the repetition of the previous day; I’d wake up in pain, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, take my medication, read or watch TV, eat lunch, take my medication, take a nap, wake up and go for a walk, then come home to eat dinner, take my medication, and get ready for bed.

I don’t know which was more torturous; the physical pain my wounds caused me, or the emotional agony of feeling stuck? My colleagues were going to school and living their lives, while I watched from the sidelines. It was hard, but I knew it was just a matter of time before my life would begin again. I was on one of my evenings walks when I chanced upon a hairdressing salon. Usually, I wouldn’t pay attention to the salon but there was something different about this one. There was a pretty girl in there. She was in an apprentice uniform so I concluded that she worked there. She had the kind of beauty that she herself wasn’t aware of. That was what made her more beautiful in my eyes. I didn’t continue my walk that evening. I just stood there for as long as I could and stared at her.

The next day I went for my walk earlier than usual, hoping to get an opportunity to talk to her. That day the universe aligned for me and put her in my path. Just as I was rounding the corner that would lead me to the path of her salon, she also turned the curve so we almost bumped into each other. It was like one of those slow-motion scenes in romcoms. I remember smiling widely at her and watching her smile back at me. “You have a beautiful smile,” I said to her. This made her smile wider. “By the way, I am Joey. What’s your name?” “My name is Mommie,” she said. We talked a little more after that, and she gave me her number.

After that day, my daily routine no longer felt like a time loop. Going for a long walk was no longer something I did to stretch my limbs. No, going for walks became something I did to feed my heart what it desired; the pretty face of my new friend. I called her in the evenings and we spoke at length before I finally go to bed. Meeting her stirred life back into me. I want to say it even helped my wounds heal faster. Through our daily conversations, our supposed friendship evolved into a romantic affair. Nobody proposed to anyone. We just knew what we meant to each other. It was a joyous moment for both of us. Our joy led us to do things. By that I mean, we kissed and more. We were both very young so we didn’t concern ourselves with protection or contraceptives. We just allowed our desires to control us.

Four months into our relationship, Mommie’s senior at work found out about our relationship and reported her to their madam at work. The madam then reported Mommie to her parents. They were all against our love. We also refused to back down, so the whole relationship became one big chaotic affair. Mommie couldn’t handle the stress anymore so she left town. She told me, “I will return when things cool down with my parents. They are very angry with me right now and I can’t stand it. I won’t be long, I promise.” I didn’t want her to leave but I understood her. So we said goodbye with the hope that she would come back to me soon enough.

She returned after three weeks and asked that we meet. I was overjoyed. I took special care in grooming myself so I would look good and smell nice for her. When we finally met she did not look happy. She looked like she had been crying. All my expectations quenched that instant, “What’s wrong?” I asked. Her lips quivered as she said, “I am sorry,” and then started crying. No one apologizes to you before telling you good news, so at that moment my heart began to ache. I did my best to comfort her and get her to talk. She told me, “I met a man in my hometown. Something happened between us, and now I’m pregnant with his child. He says he will marry me so I have come to inform my parents about it. I’m sorry to disappoint you this way.”

I couldn’t believe it. “This is another one of your jokes, right?” I asked. She shook her head. I sat there unable to speak and watched her walk away from me. My heart was so heavy in my chest. I didn’t know what to do. I remember calling her the next day and telling her, “Something tells me last night was a joke. Please tell me you were joking.” She told me it wasn’t so I decided to believe her and nurse my heartache. She married the man, and I went back to school. Once in a while, she called me and we spoke.

After two children with her husband, our conversations shifted. Mommie started telling me, “I miss you. I wish we were still together. You know, it’s not too late. We can still get back together.” The only response I gave her all those times was, “It’s never going to happen. You are a married woman. I could never touch another man’s wife.” But she didn’t stop. She kept pursuing me with the issue so I cut her off. I think I even blocked her at a point. For over a year we didn’t talk. So I thought whatever past I shared with her had been put to rest.

Recently, I received a call from an unknown number. The person on the other end was Mommie. I was surprised and anxious. I didn’t know what to expect from her this time. After we exchanged pleasantries she asked, “Can I tell you a secret?” I rolled my eyes and said to myself, “Here we go again,” and then I told her, “It ceases to be a secret if you share it with me.” She explained that it was important that I know, so I asked her to talk. Mommie blurted out, “My firstborn is your daughter. My husband doesn’t know that she is not his. No one knows this. But I realized that it’s best you know. I am sorry I kept this from you.” Trust Mommie to always ruin my day with one bad news or a bombshell like this one. The last time I saw her was six years ago, and her daughter is now five years old.

READ MORE: I’m In A Relationship With A Man I Should Run From

I knew that there could be a truth to what she said so I asked her why she hid it from me when she first found out. She said, “You were an SHS student recovering from a terrible accident. The baby would have derailed your future. And I didn’t want to get rid of it, so I left town, found an unsuspecting man who showed interest in me, and pinned the pregnancy on him after sleeping with him. I didn’t think it would work but it did. So I kept the truth to myself. Now I’m just asking that you don’t step forward or try to claim the child. When she is old enough to understand these things I will explain them to her. And then she will decide if she wants to get to know you.”

I believe she is telling the truth, but I am confused. I don’t know why she shared this news with me if she doesn’t want me to step forward and claim the child. How am I going to go on with my life knowing very well that I have a daughter somewhere, who calls another man daddy?  This is my dilemma now. Should I do as she wishes? Or should I try to get involved in my daughter’s life? Please I need your advice.

–Joey

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