When I needed him, he wasn’t there. He should have been present to take care of me. Even if he didn’t have money to pay my school fees and buy my books, we would have managed. His presence alone would have been enough. Knowing that I have him in my life alone would have been enough.

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He could have helped me with my homework, checked on my grades, and made sure I was being good. Nothing beats having a father, or in the absence of one, a father figure.

My young mind would often ask, “Why didn’t my mama choose a better father for me? One of the fathers like the ones my friends have. Every time they spoke of their dads, I felt left out and got a little jealous. Even the ones with dead fathers had loving fathers to fill in the gap. And there I was with a deadbeat and a single mother.

Oh, I prayed about it. After all, God is capable of everything. Maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t get a stepfather, someone could adopt me as their child. I prayed earnestly and found myself so engulfed in these emotions that I felt disappointed when it didn’t happen. In the end, I had to give up and accept the fact that the only Father I could ever have was God.

I stuck to that, God as my only father. It was peaceful but Mum didn’t make my life any better. I didn’t know what caused their break up but it was that bad. She never failed to remind me I was the product of their failed relationship. She made me pay for it. “When I look at you all I see is him, and it makes me so angry to the core of my being,” she would scream.

Two years after I completed SHS, I couldn’t take it anymore so I left the house.

By God’s grace, I landed a good job. It comes with accommodation and the money is enough to take care of my bills and leave me something to save.

When I gained some clarity I went back home to my mum. I came to understand that her maltreatment was out of her brokenness. It was hard but I found a place in my heart to forgive her. How could I not? She is the one who stayed when my daddy left. My schedule is busy but I do well to visit her once in a while.

I don’t know where he was hiding but now my dad is back. I don’t want to end up a broken woman like my mum. So although it was not easy, I forgave him. I let go of all his years of abandonment.

I even got a chance to meet my other siblings and his wife. According to him, he is now a pastor and owns a church. He wants me to quit my job and help him build his church. “It’s going to be a big church.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love God will all my heart. I serve him in my own little way. However, I am not interested in quitting my job and going into full-time ministry. I explained this to my dad and his wife but they won’t take no for an answer.

He and his wife tried to manipulate me with so-called prophesies but I didn’t buy it.  Then he started asking me for money every now and then. “I’m at this prayer camp waiting on the Lord, can you send me something small,” he would ask.

When I saw that it was becoming too much, I put a stop to it. I gave him reasons why I couldn’t send him money.

When he moved from that he started asking me to visit him every other weekend.

I’m sharing this story because he’s suffocating me. He wants me to call him daily and visit him every other weekend. I don’t have time to be doing all that. Besides, where was he when I needed him the most? I feel like this is not the time he should be here getting in my space.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

I am still putting up with him because I don’t want to abandon him the way he did me. The other day when I told him I couldn’t see him he said, “The way you are treating me will come back to you in future.” Now, why would a father say such a thing to his daughter?

Please, how do you advise I handle him? Or I should just cut him off considering he is a little too late.

—Cleo

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